Why do I have difficulty expressing my feelings?

Expressing feelings is an essential skill for our emotional health, our relationships and our general well-being. However, many people find it difficult to put their feelings into words, and this can lead to frustration, misunderstandings and even deeper problems, such as emotional isolation. But why does this happen? Let's explore the main reasons, the factors that contribute to this challenge and how we can overcome it.

Cultural and social factors

In many cultures, it is not encouraged for people to talk openly about their feelings. Phrases like “swallow your tears” or “don't show weakness” are heard from an early age, especially in relation to men, who are often socialized to be strong and reserved. This conditioning creates emotional barriers that become difficult to break down in adulthood.

In addition, there is a social stigma related to vulnerability. Showing emotions is often associated with fragility, and this means that many people prefer to keep their feelings to themselves rather than risk being judged or misunderstood.

Past experiences

Life experiences also play an important role. If a person grew up in an environment where their emotions were invalidated or ignored, they may have learned to repress them. For example, a child who has repeatedly heard “that's nothing” when trying to express sadness or fear may end up internalizing the idea that their feelings are unimportant.

Trauma can also be a significant factor. Situations of abuse, neglect or rejection can lead a person to create a “protective barrier” to avoid reliving emotional pain. Over time, this barrier can turn into difficulty in recognizing and expressing what they really feel.

Lack of emotional vocabulary

Not everyone grows up learning to identify and name their emotions. Often, people know that they feel “bad” or “uncomfortable”, but they can't specify whether it's sadness, anxiety, anger or something else. This is because emotional vocabulary is something that needs to be developed throughout life, just as we learn words to name objects or actions.

Lacking this skill makes emotional communication more difficult, because if we don't know what we're feeling, we can't share it clearly with others.

Fear of rejection or judgment

The fear of not being understood or accepted is another factor that prevents many people from expressing their feelings. This fear can be even stronger in important relationships, such as with family, friends or romantic partners. Worrying about the other person's reaction can lead to self-censorship, making emotional communication a major challenge.

Emotional perfectionism

Some people believe that they need to express their feelings in a “perfect” or completely rational way. They fear saying something “wrong” or causing discomfort in other people. This perfectionism can lead to emotional paralysis, where the person avoids talking about what they feel so as not to make mistakes.

How to overcome this difficulty

Fortunately, difficulty expressing feelings is not a permanent condition. There are strategies and practices that can help:

1- Develop self-knowledge: Take time to reflect on your emotions. Try to identify what you are feeling and what may have caused it. Practices such as journal writing or meditation can be useful.

2- Expand your emotional vocabulary: Learn to differentiate between similar emotions. For example, sadness is different from frustration, and anxiety is not the same as fear. There are lists of emotions that can help in this process.

3- Practice in safe environments: Share your feelings with people you trust. Start slowly, talking about simpler emotions before tackling deeper topics.

4- Seek professional help: A psychologist or therapist can help identify the causes of the difficulty and offer tools to overcome it.

5- Accept vulnerability: Understand that it is normal to feel fear or discomfort when sharing feelings, but that this is part of the process of emotional growth.

Learning to express feelings is a gradual path that requires patience and practice. By recognizing the causes of the difficulty and taking steps to address it, you can build more authentic and healthy relationships, as well as promoting greater emotional balance.