When You're Having "One Of Those Days," Try This Simple Re-Boot

"‎Though nobody can go back and make a new beginning… Anyone can start over and make a new ending."

― Chico Xavier

Have you ever had one of those days?

One of those weeks, or even years?

A stretch when it feels like everything that happens is testing you? Nothing seems to go right, and life feels like an exercise in frustration?

If this sounds familiar, know you're not alone.

The last few days have been trying for me as well.

While working on my book, I've had some significant challenges with my design and formatting people - expensive challenges. It's been an exercise in frustration, and it's put me behind schedule and cost money I don't have.

I've also had some family issues come up that opened old wounds, shining a light in some pretty dark places, reminding me of where I stand and why I stay away.

On top of it all, I'm still adjusting to life with a teenager, and even though she is a great kid, I know right now I irritate her.

So things are feeling difficult all around. The last few days have been a real struggle, and I've been feeling off-center and emotionally raw.

I felt myself slipping down the rabbit hole of despair that can feel more like a sucking vortex to someone who suffered from chronic depression for years.

But then I had a thought.

I took a breath, and I had this thought: What if I try to look at everything that's happening right now as a learning curve.

If I break everything down and analyze it all separately to find the lesson in each problem, maybe I can find something good in all this stress.

It turned out to be an excellent idea because it did two things: it allowed me to get some emotional distance from my problems, and it forced me into gratitude mode.

So here's what I came up with, and I must say, it did make me feel better.

To give you an idea of how you can do this too, here's a list of my problems and the mental adjustment I gave them:

About the book: I'm learning to work with technology. I'm learning to communicate my ideas to someone working to bring my vision to life. I don't know what I need, and I don't even know how to express what I think I need. As a nervous newbie, I'm learning to navigate the world of online publishing (then it will be advertising and marketing).

So I need to slow down. I need to be patient with others as well as myself. I need to do some research, maybe take a few courses. I need to teach myself what I need to know to rely on other people less.

I need to pay attention and gather information. I have to remind myself of the many other things I've learned because I made the mental space to understand them.

When I look at it like that, this process becomes a learning curve I can lean into, not a problem to back away from.

My family: This has been a lifelong lesson of turning pain into something helpful and positive.

I have to honor the daily struggle to rise above my core programming and the invisible injuries that drive the narrative of my life, which is that I don't matter; I'm not special or important.

Every day I work to un-learn what I learned in childhood and re-learn who I am. Some days I'm more successful than others.

I can embrace the journey instead of running from it when I look at it like that.

About my daughter: I'm learning to let go. I'm learning to step back and not take her journey personally. I have to relinquish control and trust that I've done my job. Warts and all, imperfect as I am, I gave her the very best of me, and now she's whole. She's becoming a grown-up, and I have to give her space to get there in her way.

Intellectually I know it's natural for her to want to break free, but it still hurts. As she teeters on the threshold of adulthood, I must acknowledge that she's creating the relationships she requires, including her relationship with me.

When I reframe my experience like this, I can see myself as someone adapting to the pain of letting go and there will be grief, but if I choose to embrace the joy in her journey as the antidote to my sadness.

When I look at these issues as learning curves on the trajectory of my life, I breathe a little easier, and my load becomes lighter.

I can handle a life of lessons because they come with the promise of wisdom, closure, and happiness.

Framing difficult periods as ones of growth and learning, help me to live with more patience and less judgment, more intention, and less expectation.

When I become more forgiving of myself and others, and I can work towards a future with more joy and less pain.

Life is long and short at the same time, the hours take forever, but the years fly by. It's up to us to make sure we use the time wisely, not to win and accumulate, but to internalize the essential lessons that make us more whole and human.

So the next time you find yourself spinning out, step back, and ask yourself what I can learn from this? Asking that question creates an emotional platform to plant your feet and collect your thoughts.

Sometimes, just stopping and reframing is enough to get you going again in a better direction.

It's worked for me, and I hope it can work for you too.

Erin King is the author of How To Be Wise AF: A 30-day journalling adventure to your inner Guru.