When You Change the Way You Look At Things

I write a few stories about life lessons. Many are based on idioms or sayings that we use and how they can apply to everyday life.

The last one was last month:

I've been helping someone with deep depression and anxiety for the past few months. Not easy when you're trying to keep your own head above water.

We all feel sad, moody or low sometimes; it’s a normal part of life. Depression is more than just a fleeting slump in life. For people with depression, it can be very crippling. They often end up withdrawing. They lose all forms of pleasure, and develop a sense of uselessness.

It is a crippling disorder.

I am not a psychologist, far from it. Somebody once explained it to me in very simple terms, and it has stuck with me. Your body has a multitude of chemicals to keep it running. Two sets of chemicals that oppose each other are "happy chemicals” and “sad chemicals."

When you're depressed, your body lacks happy hormones and is filled with sad chemicals. In a perfect world, you'd take a hit of happy chemicals to restore balance, and everything would be fine. We all know that it is not that simple.

A large part of it is how you approach life. Your behaviour. From my experience and that of others who felt depressed, you often react with negativity. It’s common to respond this way. For every issue, there is a problem or reason why it can’t be done.

“Let’s go for a walk to the park?”

"No, I don’t think so. It is cold, and it looks like it might rain."

"Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight? It will cheer us up."

“I don’t have anything to wear, and I don’t know what I would have to eat.”

In these situations, there is a lot to be said for the art of reframing.

"When You Change the Way You Look at Things

The Things You Look at Change"**

Reframing is a popular psychological tool. It helps people see a situation, thought, or problem in a new way. The goal is to shift your thinking. Don’t focus on the negative. Try to see it in a more positive light and realistically.

Think about the positives before the negatives. This simple shift can help reprogram your mind for a more enjoyable experience.

The fancy term for it is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I like reframing. It feels less daunting, especially when you're already sensitive about the world.

Reframing my two previous examples might look like:

“Let’s go for a walk to the park?”

“No, I don’t think so. It is cold, and it looks like it might rain.”

“We can put on a coat, and I will take an umbrella. We can smell the freshness of the rain on the ground (petrichor).”

“Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight? It will cheer us up.”

“I don’t have anything to wear, and I don’t know what I would have to eat.”

"Let’s stay local. You won’t need to change, and it’ll be nice to avoid cooking. Plus, we can try something new!"

It is a process of self-control. Notice when you're feeling negative. Question if it's true. Then, swap it for a positive thought.

Easier said than done, I know, believe me. The thing is that our brain goes to the worst possible situation when we are depressed or stressed. It is a natural protective mechanism. The challenge is reframing to short-circuit that natural protective mechanism.

Helping someone with depression takes time. It needs patience and effort. It will not be easy for the affected person. It’s not the whole story of their therapy and recovery, but it’s a small thing you can do for your loved ones.

Till next time,

Calvin

[A/n: Approximately 4% to 5% of the world's population suffers from depression, affecting an estimated 280 to 332 million people globally. It is more common among women (6.9%) than men (4.6%) and is a leading cause of disability worldwide.

** Saying was originally popularised by Wayne Dyer]