What should I do if I don’t get what I want, and it’s painful

Some people say: I often feel very empty, helpless, and depressed. What should I do if I can’t get what I want, but I can’t change it?

This question made me think for a long time.

Yeah, who is not like this? I also have a lot of things I can't get. Going bigger, I want luxury cars, villas, and beauties, but I can’t get them. I can't make that much money, and I don't have that great charm. At a younger age, sometimes it's hard not to work overtime, and hot pot restaurants that want to eat often don't get in line. How can people not feel sad if there are so many things that are not available?

Nine out of ten unsatisfactory things in life. Can you only helpless if you don’t get it?

Some people always feel that the more externally possessed, the stronger the sense of happiness. But in fact, what we want is never something external, nor are those things that make us happy. What really makes us feel is actually the symbol. Real external possession, only with symbols can have an impact on us.

For example, I want to get a villa. Although I can't afford it, in my imagination, the villa symbolizes freedom, abundance and glory. If I get a villa, I can no longer worry about having no place to buy the things I want to buy, and I can design the interior space freely; I can have a meditation room, a fitness room, a writing room, a cloakroom, a laundry room, etc. at home. A very rich life; like a successful person, I can get the praise of the people around me.

When I can't get it, I feel depressed, monotonous, and ordinary. Especially when passing by the villa area, thinking that their lives must be very happy.

If you want to change the status quo, the best way is to work hard to make money and buy a large enough house. But obviously this is beyond my ability and I am not worthy.

Then I need to seek change from within.

My inner space is empty, so I need a lot of things to fill it up. It is the external mess that restricts my freedom. I avoid social interaction and I am very boring, so I want to move a shopping mall home so that my family can be enriched into a small society. I can't confirm my value, so I want to use the villa to prove that I am really good.

At this time, although the villa cannot be bought, I gave it a lot of symbols. It has become a wish in my heart, and I want to spend five or ten years of hard work to realize it. This effort made me very hard and desperate. But when I go to explore inward and discover its symbolic meaning to me, I will find an inner replacement.

I have more paths to achieve freedom, richness and glory. At this time, I don't have that desire for the villa, because my heart is more fulfilled.

Some people desire good love, but never get it. I will help him explore what love means to him. Then he will find that love may symbolize acceptance, belonging, recognition, help, and support for him.

Then I will think with him again: How did you miss this part? How else can you be satisfied?

Some people are sad when they feel that they are not loved by someone. I will help him explore, what is this person's symbol for him. Then he will find that for him this person may be a symbol of good memories. Then I will go to explore with him again: whether his life is too monotonous, whether it is too frustrated, so that there are so few good things, can only stay in the memories.

Then we will discuss how to create more beautiful moments. In this way, he will not be attached to someone in the past.

Some people especially hope that their children will realize these external personalities, grades, achievements, etc. I will also help them explore: what this symbolizes to you. For some people, if a child has a serious character, it means that he can gain a foothold in society in the future. Then we further explore: if the child's character is not serious, then whether he still has the possibility to establish a good foothold in society.

When I find more possibilities in life with him, his anxiety about children will also decrease a lot.

Some people will be dissatisfied with some aspects of themselves. I will also help him explore: if you have these abilities, what it means to you.

When a person's heart is full, his external attachments will become weaker. This is not because he has no material desires, but he found that there are actually many external things that can satisfy his inner fullness, not just the two.