What's the difference between therapy and talking to a friend?

Oftentimes, when the topic of psychotherapy comes up in conversation you may hear a variety of reluctant or skeptical remarks. One common argument against seeking therapy may be something along the lines of: "I don't need to pay for someone to talk to me, I can talk to my friends." This is a common misconception that can prevent people from living life to the fullest. So what really is the difference between speaking to a therapist, or reaching out to a friend or family member? Why is it beneficial to pay a stranger to speak with you, if you already feel like you have people you can talk to? In this article, I will discuss some of the differences, as well as some of the unique benefits of therapy.

A therapist is completely unbiased individual, who is trained to work with you in order to help you overcome struggles, cope with life transitions, harness your talents, and achieve your personal goals and desires. They are not personally involved in your life, and therefore, any advice they provide you with should be solely for the benefit of your wellbeing. Have you ever spoken to a friend about an argument you had with your significant other, and they were quick to jump to conclusions as a result of preconceived notions they already held regarding your partner? Have you ever been cautious about telling your parents about an argument you had with your significant other, because you knew that they would hold a grudge against them even once the whole thing blew over?

People who are close to you oftentimes cannot give you good advice. This is not because they don't want the best for you, but it is because they are personally emotionally invested in your life. They are often compelled to pick a side in the argument, rather than giving you a more realistic perspective regarding why the disagreement may have occurred in the first place. Therapists are trained to maintain boundaries in their relationship with you in order to remain unbiased, and they are able to see your situation from a totally different perspective than someone in your personal life. Therapists also have a better understanding of how the human mind ticks than most people do. This comes with years of training, and it puts them in a better position to help you gain perspective around your situation.

In addition to these differences, therapy can be much more than simply speaking to someone and venting your frustrations. There are many different types of specialized forms of therapy, such as: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety or depression, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for issues with emotional regulation, or Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Different therapeutic modalities can be utilized in different situations, depending on which areas you struggle with most. The above examples of therapy are all evidence-based, and have been proven to work just as well, if not better, than medication. Such forms of therapy not only help you gain a different perspective on your situation, but they involve exercises and tools that you can utilize throughout your daily life outside of therapy. These are techniques that your friends or family members most likely do not know how to facilitate, unless they are a therapist who specializes in one of these modalities.

"Well, what if my cousin is a therapist? Can't I just talk to them?" The answer is no. As I previously explained, talking to a family member is not the same, and that still goes, even if they are a trained therapist. Your family member, even one who is a licensed therapist, will not be able to view you with a completely unbiased perspective, because they have known you for your entire life and they already have a relationship with you. This is why therapists are not allowed to have any type of relationship with their clients outside of therapy.

In addition, another clear benefit of therapy is having the ability to be completely uncensored with your thoughts, including if those thoughts are about family members or friends. When speaking to your friends or family members, do you ever worry that someone might take something you say the wrong way, or become offended? Do you ever worry that if you talk about someone else, word will get back to the person whom you were speaking about? In therapy, these concerns can go straight out the window. You can talk about whoever you want, in whichever way you want, and the therapist can help you navigate your feelings and frustrations. Therapy is entirely confidential, so you can talk about what you need to talk about, without worrying about who will find out. There are some minor exceptions, such as if you are threatening to harm yourself or others, but of course this does not pertain to the majority of situations.

If you have ever considered therapy before, but you were unsure if it could be helpful to you, remember that there are many different types of therapeutic modalities and there are many different types of therapists. It is untrue to say that therapy is not for everyone, because there are so many different types of therapies and therapists, that each and every one of us is bound to find an approach that will serve to improve our quality of life. If you have seen a therapist in the past and something just didn't click, that does mean that therapy cannot work for you in the future. It means that the specific therapist you worked with, did not work for you.

There is room for improvement in each and every one of our lives, so muster up the courage and call up a therapist in your area (or anyone who is willing to do virtual sessions, for that matter). The vast majority of therapists will offer free phone consultations, so there is no need to feel as though you are committing to anything by making a simple phone call. Therapists understand that you may shop around, and that you may even attend a session or two and never see them again. Call and see what they have to say in regards to how they can help you.

It is normal to be skeptical, or to be nervous. Going to therapy is a big step that requires a great deal of strength and courage, but it can also be incredibly rewarding and help you lead a more fulfilling life. You deserve the chance to live your life to its fullest.