What I Didn't Realize About Working at a Sucky Job

What do I mean by a "sucky job?"

It's like an abusive relationship.

All industries are different. All jobs are different. Naturally, each job asks for something different from you.

Some jobs require significant emotional energy. Others require the use of physical strength and exertion. Some jobs ask for a lot of your time, and others require immense brain power and mental focus to get your work done. Whether or not you love your work, each job is taxing in its own way.

This is true of anything to which we give our time. We invest our precious time and energy into something in life, hoping to get something valuable back.

At a sucky job, you may start by getting something valuable. But you begin to get back less and less overtime.

In fact, at a sucky job, the more you give, the less you get back. You continue to give and give, and you get less and less as a result, and what you are giving continues to be taken, and the little you are given in return you offer right back to the job until somehow you are left even worse than before you started.

There are a number of reasons why someone may find themselves in such an undesirable position, and I will not attempt to detail the many explanations for why this could occur. It could be poor management, dissatisfaction with your personal life, insufficient pay, a lack of fulfillment from your work, or all of the above.

What I learned from lurking in the category of "all of the above" is that burnout at work - beyond being exhausting, demoralizing, and detrimental to every corner and facet of your life - can (not always) be quite dangerous and tricky to navigate.

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For example, I did not receive appropriate training (or any training, at that) on how to do my role at a company. I was in the already challenging industry of social work. When I did not know the techniques to properly fulfill my particular role, it made it easy for my adult clients to take advantage of my time and energy as a social worker.

As I noticed what was happening and how particularly exhausted I felt, I asked my boss for clarity on what exactly I was expected to do with my client. I also asked him how many clients I was expected to carry and whether my caseload could be clarified by a set number, as I was being continuously asked to take on more clients despite feeling over-worked.

His answer? That my role was "fluid" and that what I did with my clients was "up to me." I was also told that my caseload could not be defined by 'a number' but that it should develop with the intention to 'meet ongoing client needs' (...What? We have a waitlist of about 100 people. There are endless people that need our services. To meet everyone's needs as a social worker, I would literally have to work forever...).

So, in other words: 'The expectations for your role will continue to change, randomly. We cannot anticipate when this will happen, but when it does, it is on you if you respond incorrectly. There is a minimum amount of you need to do, but no maximum.'

I loved my office colleagued. But upper management constantly made changes to company-wide procedures, keeping me (and us) in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight, as I was always checking to make sure I adjusted correctly to the changes and could never quite get into a comfortable working routine.

To complain about these incessant changes as little old me would be insensitive, because I was told over and over again in email and email (So, so many emails) that these changes were for 'the benefit of our company and our clients.' Those above me sensed when I was hanging by a thread, and then praised me and gave me a $1 an hour raiae. They did it twice spread out across the span of a couple of months.

I am not saying that the company is solely to blame for my burnout, because there certainly are things I coul dhave done to prevent my situation from getting to the point it did, nor was the position a good fit overall. Still, when I went to my boss in complete and utter desperation, on my last whim, expressing open-heartedly and honestly how completely exhausted and debilitated I felt, his response was to "Practice self-care" and "Try going on a walk."

Are you freaking kidding me?

I began to seriously question myself, not just during the eight hours I was in the office, but when I was at home, with my loved ones, with my family, while laying in bed at night. I felt like I was working nonstop, putting in more and more each day, mentally, emotionally, and physically, until I couldn't anymore, and each day more and more somehow became less and less; I was exhausted at work and exhausted at home. Everything else in my life was going relatively well at the time. All I wanted was to go home, but all I did when I got there was sleep and wonder what I could be doing better as a worker. I felt guilty and terrible for taking breaks while in the office.

I've questioned many aspects of myself and been insecure about thousands of things before. Until this job, my work ethic had never been one of them.

When I came to my boss and told him I was putting in my two weeks notice, he finally offered real solutions to the problems I had been having. He asked me if I needed to take extra days off, take a temporarily leave, or spend some more time working from home.

I'm sorry, but it's too late.

...

Be careful of these "sucky jobs." No matter what you do, it's never enough. If you're struggling at the company, it's your fault. You'll question parts of yourself you've always admired, and doubt things in which you've always had faith. You'll lose passion for the pursuits you once chased fruitfully.

You'll think about leaving - often - but with the bare minimum, they'll keep you hanging on. And it's only when you get serious about walking away that they express any sort of desire to make meaningful change.

Look for the warning signs. It can happen in any job in any industry. Of course, I am leaving out details of my situation while trying my best to paint the whole picture. As with any exploitative relationship, these sneaky situations start small and grow bigger, Be especially careful if you are a member of a vulnerable population, such as an insecure woman like me, or just starting out in a particular field.

All organizations want money; they need money. But I would hope they want money to support their employees to best fulfill the work in the organization's mission. If you get the slightest sense of anything else, run.