We’re All Performing: How Instagram Turned My Love Life into a Mental Health Spiral

“If it’s not posted, did it even happen?”

I was once that person - the one who curated their love life like a photo gallery. Candid beach kisses. Couple’s yoga. A perfectly framed coffee date. The comments always rolled in: “Goals 😍”, “You guys are perfect!”, “Manifesting this energy.”

But behind every post was a panic attack.

The Pressure to Perform a Perfect Relationship

Social media has blurred the line between real love and the aesthetic of love. We don’t just date anymore - we brand our relationships. And it’s exhausting.

When I was dating my ex, the pressure to look happy often outweighed the actual happiness. If we argued? I’d still post a “Throwback Thursday” of us laughing under fairy lights. If we hadn’t spoken in two days? I’d share a cute memory with a sappy caption like “My rock 💫” just to maintain the illusion.

And honestly? That illusion felt more important than intimacy.

The Dopamine of Validation, The Hangover of Loneliness

Each like on a post was a hit of dopamine. But when the screen went dark, so did I.

I began measuring my relationship by engagement metrics instead of emotional connection. If he didn’t post me on his story, I spiraled. If we weren’t being “shipped” by mutuals, I questioned our compatibility. I started seeing our love through a filter - both literally and metaphorically.

I wasn’t building a relationship. I was building content.

When the Relationship Ended, My Identity Cracked

When we broke up, it wasn’t just the relationship that ended - it was the brand. The followers who once envied us now scrolled past my silence. I felt invisible. Embarrassed. Like I’d failed not just at love, but at keeping up the performance.

But here’s the raw truth: the grief that came after wasn’t just about missing him - it was about missing her. The version of me I had performed so well online.

The Real Healing Didn’t Look Good on Instagram

There’s nothing aesthetic about healing. No one double-taps photos of you ugly-crying on the bathroom floor or finally blocking your ex. But that’s where the real growth happens.

I stopped posting every feeling and started feeling them. I unfollowed people who made me question my worth. I went on dates without telling anyone. I relearned how to enjoy moments without needing to document them.

And most importantly, I stopped treating my life like it needed to be palatable for an audience.

From Perfection to Presence: A New Kind of Intimacy

Now? I want love that isn’t aesthetic. I want silence without awkwardness. Connection without Wi-Fi. Eye contact, not just screen taps.

I want someone who’s more interested in how I feel than how we look.

I’ve realized that intimacy is built in the quiet moments - not the public ones. The world doesn’t need to validate my relationship. I do.

Let’s Talk: Is Social Media Hurting Our Relationships?

I’m not anti-Instagram. But I’m pro-authenticity. And if you’ve ever felt like you were dating for your followers more than for yourself - I see you.

Let’s stop performing and start connecting.

💬 Have you ever felt pressure to “perform” your relationship online? How do you balance authenticity with sharing your life on social media?

Drop your thoughts below - let’s have a real conversation.