Things 18 year olds should have to worry about: going to college, getting a job, voting, becoming independent, making that difficult transition to adulthood. Add a crippling mental health diagnosis to this, and living a “normal” young adult life is almost impossible. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 18, months into my first year of college. At first, I was manic, on top of the world. Going out every night, waking up the next morning for my 8am class with little to no sleep. Maintaining a 4.0 gpa without even opening a book. I lost weight, had fun, and felt invincible. My mom was worried about my carefree, party lifestyle that was so drastically different than my high school experience so she forced me to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist where they quickly diagnosed me with bipolar 1 and put me on some heavy duty medicine that would hopefully stabilize my moods and bring the real Brittany back. I thought that was the end of it, I’d be back to normal and life could go on. Two weeks went by and I fell into the deepest depression that I had ever even heard of. I dropped out of school, moved in with my nana, and fought to stay alive. Over the course of the next 7 years I fluctuated back and forth, up and down. Never seeming to keep my footing for longer than a month at most. My symptoms got worse over the years and I lost more and more hope that I would ever have a “normal” life. After a brief stay in a impatient mental health facility I really felt lost. I was stable, but numb and I couldn’t see my once bright future anymore. I shortly after met my husband and everything changed. I started laughing again, having fun, seeing my friends, loving life. He always pushes me to take care of my mental health, to be selfish. I went from a college drop out living on her Nana’s couch to a strong, married woman with a full time job working with kids with special needs, driving my own car, living alone with my husband, and finally having the independence that I have always craved. I got this tattoo during my recent manic episode where I learned a lot about myself. It represents me (I had the artist even make the girl in my tattoo resemble me) watering my own flowers, taking care of my own mental health. I’m quick to help everyone else but there comes a point in time where you have to put yourself first. I struggle with this everyday, and I am learning. But this tattoo is a constant reminder to me to care and love myself and something beautiful will come from it.
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