To Whom It May Concern

Some things cannot be understood unless you experience them yourself, and no amount of preparation or warning will fully encompass how much your life will change.

For instance, love at first sight. It changes your life because, in one unexpected instant, you understand this elusive feeling everyone describes as something “you just know.” I have experienced love at first sight, and it was mutual, but we were both with someone else and decided not to pursue one another. Looking back on my life, it is clear to me that the moments we shared are [extremely] rare. Even after our paths crossed again years later, the feeling was still there, and we still were not in the right place. Who knows, maybe someday.

Or how about raising a child? Talk about being blindsided. There is no way to prepare anyone for this because everyone thinks they can parent better than everyone else. It's how we are designed.

When this child enters your life, not only do you lose every scrap of confidence in your ability to protect the well-being of this precious life, but you also experience feelings of care and selflessness that did not exist the day before. The feelings are overwhelming, and they come on like a freight train. In the dark. From behind. You soon realize that you will literally do anything for this child, and there is nothing that can stop you. Your life now centers around ensuring the happiness, safety, and health of this human.

Let's not forget the experience of raising a teenager. Yes, I am referring to the same individual as in the above paragraph.

The care, love, and selfless devotion are still there, but I must now prepare for daily battles featuring dirty socks and candy for breakfast. Did I do something to make him so angry at me? No. That's the way they are designed. We've always been so close; I guess I just thought we would cruise right through with a warm summer breeze on our backs and the sunshine on our faces. I've heard stories about what it's like raising a teenager; I didn't think it would happen to me.

It wasn't until there was a teenager living in my home that I had the ability to recognize how care translates to helping someone evolve into a better version of themselves or encouraging the pursuit of self-improvement regardless of the resistance or pouting.

When I feel myself speeding toward the point of no return, I must remind myself that the apple did not fall far from the tree. I do remember being his age and everything that came with it. It sucked for me too, so I grant a ton of grace and patience. Self-improvement wasn't something I spent a lot of time thinking about, and I remember the moment it resonated enough to change my life.

I was about halfway through the first semester of my first year of college. I'd never enjoyed the subject, but the class was required, and I felt like my skill ranked as one of the lowest among my peers. My professor was an odd fellow with too many eccentricities to count, and I admired his ability to be authentic, even if he did scare me a little.

Then it happened; he gave me a failing grade on a project. This was the first and only time I failed a project in a class required for a degree. I asked him about it after class.

“I don't understand this grade,” I said curiously. He explained the problem and made it clear he recognized my insecurities.

I followed up with a few technical questions, and after he had tried his best to share a few techniques, he added, “You need to trust the process and find your style. Stop comparing yourself and replicating what others are doing. You can always redo the project.”

I stared at him with astonishment and asked, “I can do that?”

He quickly produced a pencil and a sticky note pad from his pocket. I listened to the sound of the pencil excitedly writing on the paper for a solid ten seconds, then he peeled it off the pad and handed it to me. After reading it, I looked up at him with wide eyes, thanked him, and left the classroom in a daze.

No one had ever given me permission to evolve into a better version of myself whenever I wanted. His method of offering written permission was slightly unconventional, and it worked well for me. I reread it over and over and took in all its wisdom. Self-improvement became a daily top priority.

I love it because it's so simple, and it's all about making changes with yourself. You can execute it however you'd like and turn up the heat to go the extra mile, or keep it on simmer for slow and steady results. It's one of those simple secret ingredients that can create a spark of energy when you need it most.

It's a personal choice, and no one can do it for you. It doesn't always look pretty, and it's important to remember you have full control over all creation and use of self-improvement. The main objective here is not to win; it's simply motivation to be a better version of who you were from yesterday, last week, or last year.

Encouraging someone else to pursue self-improvement is an act of love, intense caring, and concern on their behalf. Since raising children introduces the concept of caring more for the life and success of someone other than your own, it means recognizing their need for assistance adjusting behaviors, making good choices, and engaging in self-discovery. We are not born understanding social constructs and mature behavior; we must be taught by someone we trust. This often comes with an exorbitant amount of constructive feedback, which can feel like criticism.

My son knows how much I love him and that I think the world of him. I remind him every day how amazing, talented, and intelligent he is. I know it does not go unnoticed, although it sometimes feels that way. I get it; I'm the person that keeps him in check, the bearer of bad news. He is a well behaved kid, he is simply in the process of figuring out my boundaries, his boundaries, and the boundaries of every living and breathing person at school.

Figuring out who we are is exhausting and time-consuming, and it seems like the only break is when we achieve an understanding of what makes us tick. Until that time comes, we are in constant pursuit. It's like putting together a puzzle without a picture; you have to keep trying different pieces from the pile until something fits. It's rare to have a piece fit the first place you try and even more so to have a puzzle look the way you thought it would.

Self-improvement is the foundation of self-discovery. If we lack the motivation to recognize our faults, we certainly have no interest in improving our responses to them. If we take a chance to trust in ourselves and keep trying, self-improvement can lead us on a wild adventure to discover our passions and strengths.

When we decide to try improving ourselves, there is a chance of perceived failure. However, the simple act of trying again is self-improvement all on its own. If we are met with repeated unsatisfactory results, it means two things: you haven't given up on trying for a result you're happy with, and that means you are most likely getting closer to self-discovery with each attempt.

Keep up the good work, and don't worry, your puzzle will come together. Just be sure to release expectations of what you think it should look like.