This Is How Little Boys Turn Into Sexual Predators

A woman's breast is supposed to feed an infant; at its core, that is its biological purpose. Yet, few societies allow women to go topless in public. The female body is so arousing that it becomes shameful and must be hidden away. If it's not, we are told men can't control their urges.

Women, too, feel sexual arousal and are guilty of casting a long, lustful glance at topless men and we, too, commit sexual offences against boys and men.

But only between 1% and 9% of sexual offenders are female, yet one in three men in the US have engaged in sexual aggression.

As a mother of boys, I am worried, as should all parents, because how do we prevent our children from turning into sexual predators?

To find the answer, I feel forced to ask difficult questions.

Why do we teach females to cover up and take precautions yet continue to use "boys will be boys" as an excuse for everything males do?

What drives predatory behaviour? Is it biological, societal, psychological, or something else?

Is It Learned Behaviour?

You don't have to be a psychologist to understand that growing up around sexual abuse and exploitation means you are more likely to do the same. But not all victims turn into abusers, and a stronger indicator for sexual violence is a lack of punishment.

Boys are taught to be tough, strong and sexually dominant, and girls are taught to be attractive and submissive.

More worryingly, little boys are taught not to discuss their feelings, to "man up" and use aggression and power to rise above their peers.

Males growing up without good male role models are more likely to engage in deviant sexual behaviour, as are males with emotionally-distant parents.

But being a victim of childhood abuse and peer pressure are just some factors that can shape a boy into becoming a male predator.

Can We Blame Rape Culture?

Remember Brock Turner, the Stanford Rapist convicted of sexual assault yet served little time in prison because even judges believe in rape myths?

Rape culture tells us a female was assaulted because she was asking for it. Clothing, make-up, and their behaviour caused what happened to them. Rape culture is the rationalisation and minimisation of guilt.

These myths tell us that if you can't be raped by your partner, despite a survey showing that 51% of women disclosed being raped by their partner while asleep.

A quarter of adults in the UK believe that marital rape is a myth, and some countries still don't recognise it as a crime.

Can We Blame Fifty Shades and Romance Novels?

Romanticised rape is portrayed in movies and novels. Young women are exposed to "rough sex fantasies" through romance novels and erotica. These stories teach young women that for a man to love them, they must consent to rough sex and controlling behaviour.

Our books, movies, and lyrics teach young men that this is what women want.

Women want to be dominated, humiliated, and treated as sluts.

Consent is so blurred that women don't recognise when they have been sexually assaulted. Saying "no" is now part of a power game. Novels like Fifty Shades of Grey are responsible for creating "hostile sexism," supporting the view that women are inherently weaker and inferior to men.

But What About Pornography?

Viewing pornography gives you misconceptions of how the female body works, how consent is given and how relationships work, but can also be a stepping stone to aggression.

Adolescents who view violent pornography are six times more likely to engage in sexual aggression. Further, it portrays women as sexual objects and impacts how we view normal, loving relationships.

If you apply social learning theory to pornography, it's easy to understand the link between rape and violent pornography. Women are tied down, hit, humiliated, violently raped, and then say thank you - what message is this sending to adolescents?

It should concern us all that children as young as eight have to be educated about pornography.

Can We Blame Gender Roles?

Society has specific gender roles, expecting males to be dominant, powerful and assertive, and rewarding such behaviours. Women should be gentle and subordinate. We punish girls for their anger because it's a masculine emotion.

Society is full of double standards when it comes to sex. It's normal for men to engage in one-night stands; we applaud a male teenager's ability to "pull" a girl and shame females for having multiple sexual partners.

We don't "slut-shame" males.

Throughout history, society has wanted women pure and innocent, and keeping females submissive and sexually pure improves male paternity and reduce male insecurity.

Gender roles can justify sexual coercion towards women because sexual coercion of females affirms their agentic role in a patriarchal society.

Boys are also more likely to participate in sports, and with sports, you find aggression and a culture of misogyny. But you can't blame locker rooms for this. Society is full of these "safe spaces" for men to bond over their normalised views of sexual violence. The problem is that we call it banter and see it as a harmless way of blowing off steam.

"Boys will be boys," right?

Is Biology Working Against Males?

When we can't blame society, it's easy to turn to biology. Male sexual violence is explained by a powerful sexual appetite (despite men and women having the same sexual drive). But if his needs are not fulfilled, he becomes unmanageable and is forced to rape to find release.

Stiglmayer (1994) argued that male soldiers rape because they need to demonstrate power and prove virility. War can awaken an innocent man's inner "beast" because he is exposed to aggression.

Aggression is then linked to testosterone, an easy scapegoat for all male deviance. The higher your levels are, the more prone you are to commit violence. It is used as an excuse for 17-year-old boys who commit their first sexual crime. "Boys will be boys," right?

But raised testosterone levels are as linked to increased generosity as it is to aggression.

We also blame the Y chromosome. Evolutionary changes to the Y chromosome affect neurohormonal functioning by changing how strong a sexual drive is and how sensitive males are to aversive stimuli.

Can We Blame The Dark Triad?

Sexual predators like to assert power and control over others and exploit others for sexual gratification. Often we link this to the Dark Triad personalities because of their low levels of empathy and tendency to engage in manipulation and deception.

Low empathy in males is linked to sexual aggression toward women and men purchasing sex. In Scandinavia, men who use prostitutes are arrested and prostitution is viewed as sexual abuse. That's not the case in all societies where this old occupation is allowed to continue, even online through sites like OnlyFans, hiding behind the notion of "female empowerment" (honey, if they're jerking off, you're selling sex, not feminism).

Hostile masculinity (including sexual dominance, hostility toward women, acceptance of rape myths, etc.) is rooted in seeing males as mentally and physically tough, devoid of feelings and empathy.

Being nurturing and emotional are not positive traits we associate with men. We tell these men to "grow some balls."

Individuals with so-called toxic masculinity treat women as sexual conquests, blame rape on the victim, and believe that problems should be solved with aggression and violence.

Could we prevent sexual assaults by boosting empathy and emotional literacy in males? It's possible to reduce repeated sexual offending by increasing empathy, said a group of researchers who used empathy enhancement techniques on sexual predators.

But It's Not Always About Power and Control

Are sexual predators driven by a need to exercise power and control over the victim? If this was the case, one study argues that rape victims would be "middle-aged, high-status women whose power and status would be the source of threat, envy, and ire among power-hungry men".

We know the average rape victim is a female aged 16 to 19.

Contrary to what we're told, sometimes rape is about sex, not just power and control.

An example is the parental investment theory. It argues that males want to distribute their sperm to as many potential females as possible to create offspring. But their involvement after the act itself is limited, whilst the cost of pregnancy and child-rearing is much higher for a female. This is why males more commonly engage in one-night stands.

Because of this need to spread their sperm combined with females' limited fertile period and costly investment, males can use or threaten force. Men are driven to rape because "natural selection has pushed the male psyche to seek to control female sexuality through violence as a reproductive strategy".

In Conclusion

Despite all the research linked to in this article, no single factor or cause of sexual offending can be established. It's a biopsychosocial issue.

Sexual predators are created because sexual objectification is a cultural phenomenon, because of uncontrolled urges, and a fundamental lack of empathy. It's created by the media and ignored by parents and the criminal justice system.

Because we continue to believe that "she was asking for it" and "boys will be boys."

So, How Do We Avoid Raising Sexual Predators?

We have tried to educate females. We have taught them how to dress, how to protect their bodies, their drinks, take safer routes, carry weapons just in case - it's not working.

It's time to share the responsibility.

We need to educate males. We need stricter punishment for all sexual crimes to deter future offences. We need a society where sex is not a symbol of power and fame and where prostitution and pornography are recognised as sexual harm and not "female empowerment".

But we also need a society where males are taught emotional literacy and empathy. Acknowledge that males can feel pain, be raped, exploited, and suffer from mental health issues. Help traumatised boys before they turn into angry, violent men.

"Boys will be boys" must be removed from our vocabulary.

All men and women are responsible, including those who stand by and permit the existence of rape culture, slut shaming and victim-blaming. We all have the power to ostracise sexual predators and change the future.

We are all responsible for the next generation of little boys.

(originally published by author on Medium)