Things I Don't Understand About Neurotypicals

01. Physical touch/physical communication

I do not like being touched even by people I've known my whole life (so imagine how I feel about strangers)! Neurotypicals will communicate by touching each other's shoulders, or head, or hands, or whatever else, and somehow understand what it means. The thing I hate most is the obligatory social 'hugging to say goodbye' rule. As a child, I was encouraged to hug my relatives after leaving a visit with them, because it showed respect or love or something. I don't understand this, mostly because I think it's silly to love and respect someone just because you're related to them.

02. The need to fill every silence with conversation

Every neurotypical I've ever met has had this weird, almost compulsive, need to converse. Every second of silence must be broken with small talk and random conversation. It's like people can't bear to be alone with their own thoughts for a single second. Likewise: I don't understand small talk. As a parent, I'm often greeted by other parents who wish to engage in informal conversations about nothing important - and I have no interest in this. I don't care to talk about our children, or hobbies, or how our days are going. Mostly, I don't really see the point in conversation unless to talk about something that's actually necessary to talk about.

03. Weird humour

Neurotypicals think I'm funny. At least, they often laugh at things I say that aren't meant to be humorous. I've been told many times my humour is dry, and that's not uncommon among the autistic community. I'm self-deprecating and sarcastic - I suppose, this, combined with my deadpan face and consistent monotony, somehow makes ordinary phrases seem funny. I have a sense of humour that differs from neurotypicals. I find the jokes they tell to be strange and often confusing (and a lot of the time, I have to get my partner to explain them to me)!

04. Crying (and other emotional expressions)

I am not in touch with my emotions. Most of the time, I'd say I don't really have emotions at all. Emotional expression by others makes me uncomfortable to the point that I'd rather run away than be faced with them. Where other people cry of sadness, for example, I don't feel sad. Where others laugh and cheer in enjoyment, I remain as straight-faced as always, even if I'm enjoying myself too. I never know how to respond to other people's emotional displays. I always subconsciously feel that they're over-dramatic exaggerations of emotion.

05. The need for company

I'll never understand the desire to do everything with someone else. People will go to the mall or run errands with a friend just because they don't want to be alone. Actually, I don't even really understand the idea of having company in the first place. I know I'm the odd one out in this regard; it's just baffling to me why anyone would invite someone to just hang out and talk. They say humans are meant to be social creatures, but I've never felt more lonely than when I was surrounded by people.

06. Background noise

This relates to my second point. Neurotypicals must always have some kind of background noise, and I don't understand why. What's the appeal of noise? Between listening to the radio during every drive, or having music playing when you're trying to sleep, I know some people who go days without a single second of silence. I mean, I don't have a problem with white noise, as long as it's mine. But noise is distracting when I'm trying to focus on something, and I could sit alone in silence for days and not get bored.

07. Spontaneity

I am an avid planner. By this, I mean I'll start planning for things weeks in advance to ensure I account for every last detail. Everything occurs at a specific time, in a specific order: making me anxious if I fall behind schedule by even five minutes. I think that makes me sound like a bit of a control freak. But I like my predictability. Spontaneity is not exciting to me. On the contrary, it stresses me out. I don't understand how someone can go through life without any sort of routine or schedule.

08. Eye contact

In school, most of us as kids are taught active listening. It's somehow rude to look away from someone who's speaking to you; they'll assume you're not listening or you just don't care. I think the idea of active listening is outdated and ableist, failing to take into account the different ways people listen and retain information. If I'm looking at your eyes during conversation, there's a 100% chance I'm not hearing anything you're saying. It's distracting. I focus so hard on how much eye contact is the right amount that I can't focus on anything else.

09. Pretending to be nice

I'm going to use my neighbours as an example for this one. They are very strictly conservative: an ideology known for its condemnation of queer people and other marginalized groups. And despite the very plain conservative advertising surrounding their house, they speak to me as though we are friends: referring to my partner correctly as my partner and not my roommate. I don't understand those who waste energy pretending to be friendly to people they generally don't like or care about. It seems kind of hypocritical to me, anyway. Why would you pretend to like someone when you don't actually like them?

10. Parasocial relationships

Here's another thing I don't understand: the idolization of people who will likely never know you exist. Maybe it's an unpopular opinion. I'm extraordinarily asocial, and don't care for relationships with people I know in real life. I can't imagine putting emotion or effort into the lives of public figures whose lives are sculpted online. We don't even know them. We know only what they want us to know about them.

11. Casual hobbies

I refuse to believe that anyone can just kind of like something, you know? I cannot have a hobby without getting completely obsessed with it, and putting all my time and effort into it. I cannot understand what it's like to casually enjoy something without it becoming your whole personality.