The Three Stages Of A Relapse

The typical idea is that a relapse occurs when an addict/alcoholic uses their substance of choice, but that’s actually the end stage of the relapse, though it may be the longest.

The relapse happens long before you physically get high or drunk.

There are three stages to a relapse

• Emotional
• Mental Relapse
• Physical Relapse

The beautiful thing about this view of relapsing is that you can catch it early and stop it before you ever pick up.

For example, before my slip with alcohol six weeks ago I could tell something was off. I knew mentally I wasn’t doing well.

Then I started to stop enjoying things, depression took over and all I could think of was finding a way to stop the pain. This was my emotional relapse

This caused my mental relapse where I was thinking where I actually started thinking about the logistics of using such as where would I get it, how would I hide it, etc.

Eventually, this led to a physical relapse where I physically started drinking.

Just a word of advice, every slip I have had has been worse than before, and the last one was so painful it was immediately worse than ever.

So use this information to prevent yourself from going through the hell I experienced and don’t relapse.

Let’s go into more detail about the three stages of a relapse.

Stage 1: Emotional Relapse

During this stage of the relapse the addict and/or alcoholic isn’t actually thinking about using however their emotions and behaviours are leading them down that path.

Personally, when I was in an emotional relapse I was sleeping all day, completely isolating myself, skipping all support groups, and couldn’t even manage to shower regularly.

This is when I should have acted and forced myself to do those things, talk to my doctor, go to support groups, and be honest with my dad about how I’m struggling.

So you can avoid repeating my mistakes make sure you are aware of when you may be falling into emotional relapse.

Some warning signs are:

• Bottling up emotions
• Skipping support meeting you used to attend
• Isolation
• Eating and sleeping habits start to slip away
• You become incapable of handling emotional problems.
• You get very defensive about everything
• You start to have mood swings
• Your self-care routine falls apart and you stop taking care of yourself
• Not having fun as you used to

Recognizing these signs can help you recognize that a relapse may be on it’s way and you can prevent it before it passes this stage.

It’s also incredibly important to share what you are going through even though you may want to be alone.

As you bottle everything up and become overwhelmed and exhausted you are more like to move to the next stage of relapse — mental relapse.

Stage 2 — Mental Relapse

We can easily slip into the mental stage of relapse if we ignore the signs listed earlier and do not take action.

The mental relapse is like a war going on inside your mind, constantly going back and forth between to use or not to use.

People in this stage are at high risk of physical relapse as they may already be fixated on using and fantasizing about it.

As mental relapse continues you become more and more exhausted, your resistance to relapse decreases and your need to find an escape increases.

At this stage, the addict/alcoholic is in the process of choosing between whether or not they are going to use to escape their feelings.

I remember this feeling and it was awful. Before my physical relapse, I actually ended up buying alcohol a few different times and pouring it out. That was because of the conflicting thoughts in my head, I gave into my impulse to escape the pain but in the end, logic won and I didn’t drink.

Signs of mental relapse include:

• Intense cravings (physiological and psychological)
• Thinking about all the times you used to use
• Hanging out with your old friends who actively are in active addiction
• Trying to come up with ways to justify using aka bargaining
• Lying about what’s going on and your urges to use
• Thoughts about how you are going to control it this time, thinking this time will be different
• Fantasizing about using and formulating a plan

As we move through the stages of addiction it gets harder and harder to pull yourself out of it and make the right choice.

Something you can do to help yourself before it reaches a physical relapse is to remember all the bad things that your drug of choice caused in your life in the past (playing the tape through).

You can talk to somebody you trust a lot, such as a family member, an AA member/sponsor, a therapist, or a friend. Talking about these feelings will make them less overwhelming.

If you are like me and tend to act on impulses learn to wait a half hour before you act on them. By waiting for a bit, the urges and cravings will fade and maybe even disappear temporarily.

Also, take advantage of any relaxing techniques you can such as yoga, meditation, or exercising.

Just remember to take it one day at a time. It’s hard to go the rest of your life without using but you can go one more day. So just focus on not using it for that specific day, then repeat the next day.

At all costs, you must do everything you can to avoid stage 3 — physical relapse.

Stage 3 — Physical Relapse

This stage is where the addict/alcoholic picks up their drug of choice and starts using. The physical relapse has officially begun.

I’m sure we all know what this stage is like. My last physical relapse picked up right where I left off months ago, I was immediately drinking 24/7, wasting all my money, not leaving my house except to get booze, and I completely gave up eating food.

It was so bad I took a picture of myself at the end to remind myself never to go back to that. I’ll use this picture when I’m in one of the earlier stages of relapse to help me get out.

At this point, the vicious cycle of addiction has begun again. If you don’t stop immediately you need to reach out for professional help.

You can reach out to:

• A therapist
• A doctor
• A detox center
• A rehab
• A friend or family member who will help you get professional help.

The sooner you get some help, the sooner the relapse ends and the less harm/damage you will have done while using. By stopping as soon as you can you can reduce the amount of shame, guilt, anxiety, and any other negative emotions that come with a relapse so remember to act quickly.

So by knowing about the three stages of relapse, emotional, mental, and physical you can be more self-aware and have a better understanding about what is going on with you.

Each stage is easier to get out of than the next one so remember the signs of each stage that I mentioned. By recognizing the signs you can get help earlier, saving yourself from so much trouble down the road.

Remember, there is no shame in relapsing, it can be part of recovery but it only makes things harder on yourself and your loved ones. It is a lot easier on the body and mind to just do everything you can to avoid ever getting to a physical relapse.

If you are currently in active addiction I wish you find the help you need, if you are currently sober I hope this information can help you stay that way, and if you are not addicted to anything I hope this information can help you help someone else.

Thanks for reading,

Patrick Meowler