The Licentious Lass

My earliest memory was a vivid sex dream. A dream where, while I was not in my own body, the body producing the feelings that I felt was completely powerless. Submissive and in chains, her haircut just as sharp as Bridget Fonda’s in Single White Female with a face to match, a movie I’m sure my mother had fell asleep watching a few too many times. The immediate days following the dream were surreal, partially wishing for a live action demonstration and wondering what I would have to do to make it happen. The dream triggered things throughout my life that made me feel like an outcast, like my knowledge went beyond the baseline expectations of children my age, and then of teenagers my age and eventually it became a form of divination as I understood my early sexuality was conveyed physically by my Sun in my 8th house.

A true Virgo, I can outline the details for you.

All the great parts and how random and unconnected it was.

Conjunct with my Virgo Jupiter, I always site the dream as a major changing point, expanding it to be more influential than it was. Any time children are exposed to sex and are conscious about it marks a changing point in life.

My Gemini moon can talk to you about it all day, try and connect it to a million other experiences in my life and how I relate to others. But it would encourage a deeper meaning that all dreams are meaningful and depress me because there are so many I can’t decipher. I try and relate everything to why I don’t have a stable romantic relationship in my life, but I don’t believe that has anything to do with my Sun sign.

While I never thought I’d write a defense of astrology, seeing as it goes against my religious beliefs, it is almost what really enforces my belief in the divine. The layers to us, to people and to the outside world can be discovered on a deeper level through synastry, progressions and transits. Manifesting and spiritual connections can be gained by taking advantage of days, hours and actions that support the placements in your chart. The very idea is romanticized, a way to express my obsession and devotion to the deep things in life (8th House Sun) keeps the idea in my heart, consistently checking charts to find new ways to relate to others, new ways to provide the world the best parts of me.

Have I seen people’s energy go against the charts that I spend weeks trying to pick apart?

Of course.

My belief in astrological sciences is not without annoyances, I have to understand that fatalistic ideas will rip apart any beautiful fantasies that your mind may have created because, in the grand scheme of things, we have free will. Free will has the ability to render any astrological advice pointless. Despite elaborate synchronicities, someone who seems like your soulmate in the states, could be repulsed by you. The debates within the spiritual community are heated and usually involve different forms of divination combined with astrology to help the advice resonate with the reading.

The cynicism?

I’m pretty positive it stems from my Capricorn Ascendant. At 28 degrees trine my Sun and Jupiter, the coldness that my face conveys can be hard to obtain but my desire to success is unmatched. With over 50 jobs under my belt in the decade I’ve been in the workforce, the most influential parts of me are visible. With the current position of Pluto ending, it’s transit through my 12th house and arriving in my 1st house of self is making what maybe off putting about my appearance, easier for me to accept. A cup of relief and self-love that I wish I received in elementary school, is providing me with the confidence and elevated ego to keep surviving in a world that is consistently changing.

Though I have matured past the point of crying to cope, what was once a topic invoking laughter from family and friends, has now become a point of focus in my chart. My Cancer Mars, fueling my desire to mate, fight and cry through intense emotions and intuitive feelings.

And my desire to bare my personal astrological realizations on a public forum?

Thank my Gemini moon, making me just as curious about everyone else’s stories with astrology rather than the consolidation of my own experiences.