The Beauty in your Details

Paintings are magical things really and though I have always loved art, I have developed a really deep and rich connection to it in the last few years, so I decided to use a close up photo of the oil paint strokes on a painting my late mom did for me some years ago to symbolically illustrate the point that - sometimes, you need to look a little closer to appreciate the beauty, and value of who and what it is that sits in right front of you, so that you are less likely to judge it.

The painting was a gift to me and was her version of the lilies by Monet. Yes, the painting is beautiful in it's entirety, but few will step close enough to see just how MUCH intricacy and magnificence is truly present.

The Beauty in your Details.

I spend a fair amount of time "thinking about people". Not specific individuals but rather the broader characters, actions, responses and so forth. I suppose you could say that I am a little bit of a junkie for anything leaning toward human psychology. Every single day of our lives we cross "paths" with countless people – be it through direct or indirect interaction or simply via observation - and whether we are cognizant of it or not, we take something away from every single instance...

I know I have said this like a million times in my writing - but here goes again - I am an avid ”people watcher” - yip, I am one of "thooose" who sits in a restaurant, listens to the conversation and studies the body language of those around me, lol. I find it absolutely fascinating. There is so much you can learn as a quiet observer on the side lines.

Some time back, we went for breakfast at a local coffee shop/restaurant and there was an American “couple” sitting at the table across from us. I “assume” the title of couple because they were exchanging one another’s meals via hand… hey, I could be wrong – but this is irrelevant. They were probably in their early to mid-twenties.

The gent, to my mind looked very “hippie” (and I do not use this term in a derogatory manner, I consider myself a good percentage of hippie lol), whereas the young woman appeared a lot more “groomed”. She had her hair in a casual and loose pony tail and was wearing a knitted sweater which had broad slits over the shoulders and denim jeans with one or two “manufactured tears” around the thigh area. She was neat, presentable and held a stylish elegance.

As we sat there waiting for our breakfast to arrive, I became aware of their conversation. When I glanced up – I noticed that the young woman had let her hair loose. The conversation was somewhat difficult to ignore because over the hum of surrounding conversation from other patrons, as well as the background music – I could still hear what the gent had to say.

He began describing women who wear jeans with tears in them and how it is unnecessarily provocative and definitely not something that a respectable woman would wear. I don’t know if this guy either had complete sh!t for brains, was completely insensitive or was plain and simple domineering but I actually sat there and cringed for this young woman as I could see how she began to squirm underneath the table with complete and utter awkwardness for the pants she currently had on.

He then continued to further illustrate that women who wear glasses with their hair down are simply looking for attention and that a woman who wears glasses should make herself look sophisticated by tying her hair up. This guy was actually starting to make me squirm in my seat as this young woman continued to glance over at me with my glasses and pony tail. A few moments later, she tied her hair back up.

No – he wasn’t done yet… he then went on to tell her that the knitted jersey that she was wearing was in no way appropriate to wear to the work place and that it absolutely sent the wrong message to other men and people in general.

It was actually a really sad moment to witness, because a young woman who was seemingly feeling quite comfortable in her own skin (and clothing) was completely and utterly diminished to a state of total insecurity. She stopped chatting, stuck her nose in her phone and they sat in complete silence for the remainder of the time that we were there which was a good 30 minutes longer. I walked away from that situation feeling quite sad.

When I was a teen I dated a guy for approx. five years who was insanely jealous and horribly abusive. I can recall him once tearing a dress off me saying that I would never wear dresses again. At the time I had hair so long I could sit on it, and I can remember saying to him after that occasion ” one day – you are going to tell me that I am flirting because I have long hair and that I must cut it!” - he adamantly denied any truth in what I had said, but sure as little apples fall off trees… that day eventually came. I have touched on just a fraction of the oppression which many exercise and others experience, but what confuses and pains me is the WHY?!

I am a person who dissects EVERYTHING to study to it from the “root forward” because (to my mind), unless you look at something right to it’s core you are most likely to cast an inaccurate judgement… but even with doing that I am still perplexed in many respects as to the actions of some people. At what point does an individual lose sight of their own short comings to a point where they become relentless on destroying another? At the end of the day, this behaviour all boils down to insecurity.

I am not guilt free in this respect either – I don’t think anybody is… but as the years passed I have learnt to identify the fact that the manifestations of my insecurity, if left unattended - would ultimately turn me into a pretty horrible person and so I pushed my boundaries in learning to press my thumb down on myself when it comes to those things. Acknowledging something is often the first and biggest step toward changing it.

As we get older, our often wild young lives tend to calm down a few notches and we generally gravitate to smaller circles, with more “cherished” friendships and interactions, but every now and again we get thrown into a pool of piranhas and it can be quite the eye opener.

When you have not been exposed to that type of brutality and sheer ugliness for a fair amount of time, it can really hit you for a six. I am normally one who manages to brush things off pretty easily and let karma herself deal with them, but I really struggled this last bout. It was an acute reminder to me of why I generally steer clear of ugliness of any kind.

Life is way too short to entertain and engage with people who are clearly hell-bent on robbing you of anything good you may have to offer... There is a quote which I have loved - ”You are unique – just like everybody else”. An amusing angle of approach lol, but oh so true – and we are ALL entitled to be just that! If we don’t have a healthy respect for that then really… what is left?!

I don’t want to be judged for my personal choices of expression and neither do you. I don’t like feeling belittled and neither do you. I have long since adopted the mind-set of ”I may not agree with, or even like your choices, but they are YOUR choices to make” - END OF STORY!

I have been controlled. I have been belittled, abused and diminished and I can tell you this much – never again! Just like you, I have the right to live and express myself exactly as I choose to and I am ever grateful I found that voice and that I have learnt to wear all my "details" confidently - without shame or fear. I hope that young woman I saw, finds hers too.

The real masterpiece is never just the painting, the outfit, the opinion, or the passing moment we think we have understood. It’s in the layers, the brushstrokes, the scars, the softness, the messy middle bits we so often overlook. How many people, like that young woman, walk through the world dimming their own light to survive someone else’s comfort?

And how often do we, perhaps unknowingly, become the reason someone feels smaller than they are? The next time you find yourself tempted to judge… whether it’s a stranger’s jeans, or the way someone chooses to live or speak or dress, maybe pause yourself and look a little closer. Beauty, dignity, and truth often live in the very places we are told not to look.

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Thanks for reading!

Until next time...

Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx

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