The Anxiety Elf

Here comes Santa! It's about a month until Christmas, so half of us are wetting ourselves with excitement whilst others are wishing it would be over already. I am one of those people who wishes it could be Christmas everyday—yes, like the song. I have been given a wonderful opportunity to be an elf at Santa's grotto at my local farm shop for the month running up to Christmas (and get paid for it), which is great —I love Christmas, I love the film Elf, and I love singing Christmas songs. So it sounds perfect right? BUT how do I go about that when my anxiety is so bad sometimes I struggle to even leave the house...

I have decided to write a blog based on my experiences. I'm not sure if this will be to help me or to help others with similar anxiety issues to realise sometimes even when you think you really can't do something that maybe, you can.

Anxiety is a hard thing to go through, especially when it gets in the way of doing something you want to, or really need to do. I am lucky I am in a position where I don't need money. I already have a part time job which I have had for over a year—and still panic before every shift. I am also a freelance writer, it doesn't pay the bills, but it helps. I am doing this job because I really want to, which is making me force myself to go really hard, because what's the worst that will happen if I don't go?

In a few days, I will be meeting the other elves and Santa (and to kill your childhood, there are two Santa's...) I will be trained in how to be an elf! At the grotto, there is a "Winter Wonderland" where an elf will greet the visitors. Then you go through to Santa's living room, where the children can write letters to Santa, and the elves hand out sweets. Finally is where you get to meet Santa! The elves help Santa hand out the presents. Sounds magical and... easy, right?

Every day running up to this job, I've panicked. Everyone is saying "you will be fine, what's the worst that can happen?" Well I will tell you, starting from the most dramatic and lest likely (but still possible):

1. I could die.
2. I could physically not be able to go.
3. I could turn up and they could change their mind.
4. I could turn up and get lost—I think I know where to go but I don't want to ring up and sound like a moron asking for step-by-step directions.
5. I could (sorry for the details) be sick everywhere or similar from a different end.
6. I could be so terrible at the job they make me leave on the first day.
7. I could be terrible at the job but they don't make me leave so I have to stay there and be terrible.
8. I could ruin a small child's Christmas by not making it believable that Santa exists and the child could cry. I hate children as it is, never mind a crying one.
9. I could have a panic in front of people and it could be really embarrassing.
10. I could see people there I don't like and it will be impossible to avoid them. The main reason I don't leave the house is to avoid people.

There are probably more things, but those are my top 10 worries. So now you've heard how I feel before my first day. Right now I am "Anxiety Elf"—hopefully this time in a month I will just be "Elf."