Taming the Inner Bully: A Guided Visualization

Introduction

The mind. Bully. Find somewhere comfortable where your body can feel supported. Whether it be sitting in a chair and lying on the bed or lying on the floor somewhere, you won't be disturbed. And it's important that you don't drive, cook, or use any machinery while you practice this mind bully visualization. And once you're in your quiet place, make yourself comfortable making sure your arms and legs are uncrossed and your head is comfortably supported. You might choose to close your eyes or simply look slightly downwards and let your eyes become unfocused. And now just notice your breathing. Take several normal slow breaths and notice what that feels like. And as thoughts and sounds enter your awareness, you can just notice them and let them pass without responding to them. Just let them come and let them go. That's okay. You will notice that your mind wanders. Thoughts come and go and that's okay, because it's just what our minds do. We can notice those thoughts, images, sensations and just let them pass on by as your mind lets them come so your mind can let them pass. Maybe like clouds drifting past as they go by. And each time thoughts, images or sensations come into your mind, just notice. And then quickly and gently bring your attention back to my voice and allow your mind to create its own helpful possibilities.

Relaxation

And as you sit or lie comfortably, you can notice how your body is being supported. By the chair, bed or floor. Just notice. Now that surface is holding and supporting you so that you don't have to hold your muscles in any particular way, you can just let them be. Let them rest. Let your chair, bed, or floor do the work of supporting you. Notice how your body relaxes and sinks back and down, finding its own comfortable position. Anytime you feel you want to move, that's okay. This is your time. Now just take several normal slow breaths and notice what that feels like. Bring your focus of attention now to your breathing, noticing the sensations of breathing as you inhale. And then gently breathe out again. Perhaps noticing how your body responds to your breathing. Your belly rises as you breathe in. Pause and then relax again as you breathe out. You don't have to try to breathe in any particular way. Just let the breath come and let the breath go. And right now, I want you to imagine. Visualize a comforting, relaxing, colored mist of light gently hovering nearby. And you notice that this mist is the color that you find most relaxing and calming. It looks so peaceful and comforting and inviting. You notice that it's moving gently, floating slowly towards you. And as it comes closer, you start to feel that calm in color. And as you breathe in, you notice that you are breathing in relaxation. And as you breathe out, you've seen to breathe out the color of tension. And right now, just continue to breathe in your calming color. Noticing how your body feels as the color gently spreads throughout your body. Into every muscle and cell of your being. Breathe in calm and comfort breathing out that color tension. And any time that your mind wanders, just gently notice. And then notice your breathing and the calming colour. And the sound of my voice.

The Mind Bully

While you're in this place of comfort and relaxation. I'd like you to imagine right now, in your mind's eye, perhaps something like a primary school playground. Imagine that this particular playground has got a high fence around it to keep the children safely inside. So in this playground, all the children have to be together. There's nowhere else for them to play or just be. And in every school playground, there's a bully. And this particular bully doesn't physically hurt anyone. But he shouts and teases and calls names and points and laughs at his victims. On this particular day, this bully heads over to his first victim. He mocks him and calls him names.

Hey, you! You're so stupid. You're an idiot, Dumbo. And this victim number one is really upset by this. He stops what he's doing and he just looks at this bully, listens to what the bully says. Believes the bully. And gets upset. The bully notices the victims getting upset and tearful. And the bully thinks this is really funny. The bully points and laughs and draws more attention to the victim. The bully finds this really entertaining and he makes a mental note to come back. Have another go at this victim. Things cannot carry on this way. Then the bully finds another victim. And he sees victim number two walking across the playground and he says the same thing. Hey, you stupid dumbo. Victim number two. Though he acts a bit differently. He stops, looks at the bully, listens to what he has to say. Then he challenges the bully. Hang on a second. I'm not stupid. That's just your opinion. In fact, I got eight out of ten inches on my spelling test this morning. You only got four.

The bully is a bit taken aback, and he wonders whether he might have another go on another day. But today you'll leave this victim alone. The bully moves on to victim number three. So the bully approaches him. And again, you're stupid. Idiot! Dumbo. Victim number three. It's a bit different. He slows down a little. He looks at the bully, acknowledging his presence. Then he just carries on walking. And he joins his friends for a game of football. What does the bully make of this? He might keep on hassling him for a while, but victim number three just carries on doing what he's doing. He's not a victim at all. It doesn't take much notice of the bully now and again. He looks at him to let the bully know he knows he's there. But that's okay, because this bully has no power over number three. It's just not worth the struggle. So the bully eventually gives up and walks away.

Dealing with the Mind Bully

The next playtime, the bully looks around for his victims. Which one might he return to? To have another go at. Victim number one. He just believes and gets upset. Or victim number two? Who challenges back? Or victim number three who just doesn't seem to take much notice of him at all. When we're dealing with the mind bully that lives in our head. It can be a bit like that. Those intrusive thoughts keep on coming. And in the past you've reacted like victim number one. You've listened to, you've believed those intrusive thoughts, and you react as though the thoughts are real facts. We listen, we believe them, and maybe we try to push them away. We don't want to think those thoughts. So we try and keep busy. Or maybe we try to avoid or escape the situations that the thoughts talk about, because we don't want to think about bad things happening, so we don't go to those places.

Well, maybe we just dwell on those thoughts, making ourselves even more upset. How could it be, then, if you were able to act like the so-called victims? 2 or 3. What would you do differently? How could you challenge those intrusive thoughts like the second victim? You might stop and think. Is this thought a fact or an opinion? What's the evidence? Perhaps this is just the mind bully talking. Then you can decide how you want to react. You have a choice. You can choose to learn to take control over the mind bully, rather than let it continue to control you. You can choose to notice the distressing thought and not get caught up in it. Not fight with it. Not struggle with it. Not try to push it. Not react by believing the bully, getting upset and acting in that unhelpful way. We can learn to react very differently. Have you ever held an inflatable beach ball under the water, pushing it down and holding it down there? What happens when your attention wanders and you lose your grip on the ball? It's impossible to hold it down constantly, especially if you're trying to swim with it, pushing the ball as you go. Eventually it pops up into your face and you might try and grab it and push it down again. And it can be a bit like that with thoughts. We try to push them away or hold them down, but it's impossible to keep up that struggle. What would happen if we just let the ball be? Would it keep jumping out of the water into your face? Or is it more likely that it would just float about nearby? Maybe it would keep drifting out of your awareness and then back again on the breeze. On a wave. Maybe it'll give you a nudge now and again. But it's okay to just let it be. Give up the struggle. You don't need to keep trying to control it or push it away. It's okay to just float about and be there and not react to it. The ball might not go away. It might always be there, or it might move away and drift back again. But that's okay. It will come and it will go. And you don't need to struggle with it. We can just let it be. They just notice it's there. Just notice the thoughts as they come up and let them be. It will pass.

Taking Control

And now, as you relax even deeper, consider how it might feel at the moment. Just before you react to one of the mind bully's thoughts as it comes into your mind.