recovery
Your illness does not define you. It's your resolve to recover that does.
Me, myself in mirrors
There are times in life when you will be shown a mirror, and light will shine on every part of your being. Just like a photo shoot when there are all those lights shining on you and you can see every blemish every wrinkle on your face. Or at the clothing department all those bright lights make you see your love handles and fupa times 20, so nothing looks good. So you think. This mirror is designed to make you see yourself and shine light, and what I mean by shine light I mean “deal with it “ and finally face, heal, love and accept whatever it is that lingers in the dark corners and crevasses of your soul. It does not discriminate on age, race, nor gender. When it happens it hits you and there is no turning back. You will never again be the same person you once were. I can only speak from a person whom is currently going through this dark period. I mean right smack in the middle of the chaos, and not from the perspective of a person whom has gotten through this, and has transmuted it, to wisdom for the good of themselves and the collective. The light at the end, of one of the tunnels they say. I can tell you that I know with every oz of my being, that this too shall pass, I just have to let it run it’s course. I am growing from this and it is getting easier to observe and reflect on myself. So those messy, dark, and misunderstood corners, that I have been acting like I never see them. Those corners that never get light because I never wanted to deal with them yet. They are showing me the things I did not want to aknowledge about myself. I have learned that those misunderstood corners about myself need love and with love comes understanding, and with understanding finally acceptance. It’s like telling myself “look I see you really fucked up there and still fuckup from time to time, but there is nothing to be ashamed of I love you regardless” I am working on showing forgiveness, and love to those not so pretty aspects of myself. Accepting every single sliver of self. After all what is dark without light and vice versa. I am not saying I am all good now. I am not saying I am sane now. I am not saying I have forgiven my dark spaces. I believe we never really stop having to do this. I believe that it does get easier to do as we live on. It’s about knowing self, if you know yourself I mean every bit, up to date version of self. There comes an understanding of the universe. After all is that not what we all seem to look for every life. This place I stand in this time and space so far, has brought light to my addictions. Which has brought up the question. Why?After all nobody is seven years old and says they would love to be an addict when they grow up. It is not a Very easy life. I will say that has gotten me through a lot of hard times in my life, and learned at a very young age that I could use this as a “crutch” to get through what I needed to get through. From prescription pills antidepressants, alcohol, to street drugs. I was young and learned that these substances would get me out of an uncomfortable situation. This light seems to shine its light on my secret. My silent “crutch” that hides in the corner in the dark. In this dark corner, I ended up finding my 12 year old self confused depressed, unsure, and a strong sense of feeling unsafe in this world. She knew there was much danger to come, but was naive and hopeful at the same time. Although this young girl hid herself I knew she was there, but never wanted to even acknowledge her. I would look, and would tell my self not yet. I kept putting it off , and putting it off. Until this intruding light came shining in exposing everything I hid. All the dirt under the rugs, or when you throw your shit under the bed. All in hopes your mom does not find out, or look under the bed to expose all your dirty laundry. So this is the first time I have acknowledged her and this is the first time that I have actually thought about really stopping. I am not saying right now, that I am going to stop right away, but this is the actual first time that I have really thought about stopping. I have never felt strong enough to even think about doing that. Not even voices in my head made me want to stop. It is what they made me feel like. These voices beat me down so bad that I became this useless version of myself lx eh be unable to even fight back anymore, she was so completely drained of her essence. In this dark place I have slowly, but surely been picking myself up, because I am completely alone in this. The ones closest to me to do not understand me so I am up against this alone. Only I can bring myself out I do not want to use anybody as a “crutch” because I am trying to end that cycle, and as I realized that I am doing this alone. Moving forward, baby steps, but I move, and it has made me realize that I might be strong enough to not need a “crutch” anymore. This mirror is a powerful one. And speaking from someone in the mouth of madness it is probably the hardest thing you will ever experience, but like I said I feel that the light is close, and the run is almost over. One day, I will be grateful for this opportunity.
By aysha valenzuela4 years ago in Psyche
What It Feels Like to Experience a Panic Attack
There was no air in my lungs. Struggle as I may, they refused to expand. Instantly, beads of sweat broke out over my entire body. My throat felt like it was swelling shut, and the sounds around me became increasingly muted. My vision blurred and then everything turned dark gray.
By Scott Ninneman4 years ago in Psyche
Seeking Safety in Recovery of Sober Living in Riverview, FL
Sober living is a critical component of a man's recovery, so finding the right program is crucial for his success. Real Recovery Florida's approach to sober living is based on the 12-step principles of Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous. It provides a structured environment for men in early recovery. This program offers men the opportunity to grow in their recovery as they experience the structure and support provided by these programs.
By Monroe Cashion4 years ago in Psyche
What Was The Solution To My Living In Long-Term Recovery?
"I'm Denise and I am a woman in long-term recovery." I use this as a means to share my recovery story. I needed to respect the anonymous program I have been involved in for 43 years. The respect has to do with not talking about the program at the level of press, radio, or film.
By Denise E Lindquist4 years ago in Psyche
Me, a Big F*ck Up, and Another Chance
It's been over a year since I publicly humiliated myself on social media, unbeknownst to myself at the time. - over a year since I quite literally lost my mind. And by the time I knew what was going on all around me it was a little too late to salvage my identity. I ended up losing a lot more than myself - an in-studio internship I had been working hard nearly every day for - I mean I was just starting to get paid for my time and efforts, something I couldn't have even dreamed of. I completely failed my last semester in college, a semester away from graduating and this is where I happened to drop the ball. And what's even worse is everyone was there to see it, to judge me, to pretend that they cared just to get close footage of the wreckage and even though it was more than a year ago its something that plagues my mind till this day. I mean I lost all of my hair, beautiful thick flowing locs that just started to really drop beyond my shoulders - something I never had the luxury of enjoying as a young woman - robbed at the height of a psychedelic high.
By Maria, Maria4 years ago in Psyche
Create a meaningful life in Sober Living in Libertyville, IL
It is possible to create a meaningful life while pursuing a sober living program. If you want to know how, read this article. In this article, we will discuss three ways to create a meaningful life in sober living. You will also learn how to avoid making the same mistakes that others made when they were in recovery. After all, you don't want to end up like them.
By Michale B.4 years ago in Psyche
Guide to Sober Living Menifee, CA
When looking for a Sober Living in Menifee, California, you will find that there are a few factors that you need to take into account. First of all, the program that you choose should fit your budget. Many rehabs charge more than others, and some don't offer financing options. You should consider the level of care and program modalities of each program before you choose a Menifee, California, rehab. Insurance providers also require that you undergo thorough evaluations before they will approve your treatment. These evaluations help rehabs in Menifee, California determine what level of care you require. Once you know what level of care you need, they can prepare a plan that fits your needs.
By Win Kowalsky4 years ago in Psyche
