depression
It is not just a matter of feeling sad; discover an honest view of the mental, emotional and physical toll of clinical depression.
Here's to You, 2017
New year, new me, right? That’s the most cliché statement in the world, but I can tell you, this year has taught me so much about love, life, heartbreak, and strength. Ironically, January 1 is the start of a new year, and also marks five months since the worst day of my life. Those five months were also the most significant months of my entire life. I’ve learned that if I made it out of August alive, I could basically make it out of anything. My story doesn’t end at me being shot, losing the love of my life and having to move home. My recovery wasn’t an easy one. I couldn’t drive, I was in immense pain every day, and even taking a shower or getting dressed was traumatic because of how hard it was. It just ended up being a constant reminder that my life turned completely awful faster than a speeding bullet. Literally. I cried just about all day, everyday for weeks. I would text him at least a couple times a day when everything in my mind was too much for me to deal with. I needed to know how he could just stop caring after loving me so much. I needed to know how he was okay, because I wanted so bad to be. After a couple weeks of this I told him that I was bringing our dog down and coming to see him, knowing I wouldn’t, but desperately hoping for a response. He texted my mom to let her know I had said that, in hopes she wouldn’t allow it to happen. About three hours later I texted him again, as I lied in bed with all the medicine I had left the hospital with. I asked him to please take care of our dog when I was gone, because he was the greatest blessing in the world, and he deserved to grow up with one of his parents. This time he didn’t text my mom a warning. I took about 25 opioid pain killers, 800 mg of seroquil, and an entire bottle of Prozac. About 20 minutes later it turned scary. My vision was blurred; the world was spinning. My heart started beating so fast, and so hard that all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I remember trying to sit up and holding my heart, terrified that I was going to die from it exploding, and wondering if that would be a painful way to go. After a few minutes I lied down and closed my eyes, hoping to just fall asleep. I vaguely remember hearing my brother screaming. I remember hearing the EMTs. I remember randomly hearing nurses ask me questions that I thought I was responding to, but it was like my whole body was paralyzed besides my ears. I remember that I was forced to drink liquid charcoal, and then I remember waking up in the ICU. When I woke up, it was 14 hours and three rounds of narcan later. When I found out how close I was to succeeding I wasn’t relieved I hadn’t, but cried because I wished so much that it would have worked. After a few days in the hospital that changed. I was grateful for the people I met, and grateful I was living. I’d be lying if I said that there hasn’t been many times since that I’ve lied in bed wishing I had been successful, or thinking about suicide. But I realize how far I’ve come, and it’s only going to get better from here. I learned how little my life meant to the man I loved, but how much it meant to all those around me, even people I barely knew. I learned that I can feel happiness again, even if it’s not the same way I felt it before. And even more importantly, I learned it’s okay to not be okay, and that so many other people are capable of understanding how you feel, even if it’s not those closest to you. So, 2017, thank you. Thank you for kicking my ass, making me hit rock bottom, and slowly starting to build me back up. You’ve given me wisdom, strength and most importantly, determination. This year is about me, and being better than I ever was before, and building a life for myself, not someone else.
By Amanda Cleveland8 years ago in Psyche
You're Never Alone
Guy: You never know how someone is feeling. You never know if they're close to breaking... You just never know. Girl: For once in my life, I don't want to be invisible. I want someone to finally notice me and not take me for granted like everything else in life.
By josh napper8 years ago in Psyche
Clouds of Smoke
The depressing British weather is becoming my close friend this November. The pitter-patter of the rain droplets hitting the nearest car; the clouds gathering together, forming an array of grey with beams of what could have been a bright, sunny day seeping through. Perfectly preserved beads of rain rolling down my face.
By Natasha Mawo8 years ago in Psyche
Depression
The price of neglect. Life is no fun if you can't play. We sometimes take for granted the ease with which we do things… While out for a walk with my partner, we ran into some old friends. Chatting it up and catching up is usually a nice thing to do but sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes, you lie like cut grass.
By Angie Follett8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Kills
Depression. We have all heard of it. We have all read about it. We may have known someone's life to end because of it. Depression is not some joke or some attention getter, but a serious condition many are faced with every day, including myself. Depression has grabbed me by the throat and strangled me until I have fallen to my knees, gasping for just a bit of air to survive this meltdown and just waiting for the right moment to hit me again. That's just it, they hit me out of nowhere. Any day of the week, anytime of the day. Boom. I'm on the floor clinging to dear life as I pray to God that he takes me out of this world in that very moment.
By Kaitlyn Kaufman8 years ago in Psyche
Do You Suffer From Depression?
There are many misconceptions when people think of the word depression. Some folks believe we are just having a moment, we'll get over it, we're just fine, etcetera. Many people don't understand the veracity of such a devilish emotion. Speaking from experience, I hope to shed some light on those who either feel alone or don't quite understand.
By Marissa Dover8 years ago in Psyche
I Lived to Tell
I am 12 years old, and I am struggling with my desire to live. You see, I have been bullied for the last year. My mom doesn't know because I am afraid that if I tell, the bullying will get worse, so I remain silent. As time wears on, the words cut deeper. "Retard." "Stupid." "Ugly." "Weird." And that's only the beginning.
By Dawn Marie8 years ago in Psyche
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
First of all, this time of year can be difficult to begin with. The days are short and dark. Snow, cold weather, lack of sunshine. I feel so utterly tired. I don't have the motivation to do much of anything. Most days you can find me lying under a blanket, wishing I could hibernate, much like bears do in the winter. Seasonal affective disorder is real, folks.
By Genevieve Mary Madison8 years ago in Psyche
Sadness All Around
It's the holiday season, time for happiness and cheer, right? Well, maybe not for everyone. I know I find it hard lately to find more than a fleeting glimpse of the cheer I once felt this time of year. Instead, I feel the dark hold of sadness creeping in on me, on my mood, and into my soul.
By Tim Lawson8 years ago in Psyche
