Surviving Childhood Trauma

Today marks one year since I have cut ties with my abuser. I am proud of myself. I wasn't always so strong though. You really don't realize the strength of the human mind, until strength is the only option that lies within.

My name is Ally. I'm 35 years young. As a teenager, you never really think about your mental health. Life just goes about, and everything that happens, you stomp through believing that resilience is normal, and that it will pass. This may be true for some, however, for others, it is true to a certain extent.

Those of us whom suffered great trauma as a child, sometimes don't realize until much later in life. The things that you would normally learn as a teenager, most of us are still trying to figure out. The lucky ones who caught it early are a little ahead of us as well.

At the age of 24, I met my husband. It wasn't until about a year later, that I was confronted with what would change my life forever.

At this time, I was living above my parents in a duplex. There was a way to get upstairs from the lower level as it had been a one family home before my grandfather was paralyzed in 1981. Then was made a duplex for the caregiver to stay and help my grandmother. After my grandparents passed, we kept the house as I had 2 small children and the apartment was perfect for us.

My husband (boyfriend then), came to live with me in the apartment. He has an associates degree in psychology. After some time of being in the apartment with us, he started noticing things that seemed "off" to him. he started asking me questions, and making comments about my dad. I never spilled it.

Fast forward another year. my husband starts talking about moving out on our own. After speaking with my parents about it, it got weird. my dad would say discouraging things about us leaving. things that would make the brainwashed being NOT want to leave.

One night, I was having anxiety attacks after my husband returned home from work. He asked me what was making this happen, and I FINALLY spilled it. Not every single detail, as most are even hard for me to say out loud, but enough for him to understand me. He then explained that he was almost positive I suffered from C-PTSD, and that I really needed to speak with a therapist. This was the FIRST time I had ever been aware of C-PTSD, or that someone like me could have such a thing.

Fast Forward to today. It has been almost 11 years since I've started this journey. The road is rough. It is not a fun nor comfortable one. However, I can tell you that the road does start to seem easier with self awareness.

I now feel peace floating my way after sooooo many years. I know why I am who I am. I know that I have a lot more work ahead, but as every day passes, and a new one begins, I feel the universe giving me the strength I need. There was a time I felt hopeless, worthless, meaningless, used, abused, and silenced.

I want to get a message across the world, there is more to this thing we call life. There ARE ways to heal.

I have been thinking about starting a blog for more then a year. I held myself back from my soul purpose because of my own insecurities. Today not only marks a year of internal peace, but it signifies the day that I got out of my own way.

Love and Light,

A.Reid