Surviving C-PTSD & DID

First things first. Everything I share with you from this day forward , will strictly pertain to my childhood traumas, and no one else’s.

Second, I DO NOT blame, judge, or resent any of my family members for the abuse that I’ve encountered , as well as witnessed in my childhood. And since I know people will judge anyways!, I need to be the one to mention how much I love my mother, sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins and I have always loved and will always love my grandmother , no matter what she’s put our family through, and I know we will all feel some pain with the truths that will come of this, but know HOW PROUD I AM OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. You are survivors too. I was there, I know.

Third, PAY ATTENTION, My only motive after discovering why DID exists ! And how C-PTSD could affect generations of our family, it is time to raise awareness on the cause of such a serious disorder!!! I refuse to burden my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren with unresolved childhood traumas. We were thought to feel ashamed and take blame as children for not being worthy of true unconditional love.

It’s a Generational Curse that is meant to be broken. I’m determined to raise awareness to painful truths that I’ve been scared to face. As a survivor of child abuse, and an almost fatal suicidal attempt at the age of 12, Today I am grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to start a journey in Recovery, believing in a power greater than myself ,while learning to build an Internal and now what I would like to add External World with Faith, Hope & Love.

Although my mother tried to protect us from the pain she was faced with as a child, and tried to give us all the love she knew and had, even with all the fear she was filled with by her mother, the fact that she did not fully understand and/or never had the opportunity to heal, from her childhood traumas, she subconsciously mirrored, some, definitely not all, but some traumatic traits AKA abuser traits into our lives. Just like her mother, brother and sisters. Again, I cannot speak for my mother or for any of the other survivors of C-PTSD, but I hope one day, they will share their experiences, strengths and hope.

You see, as children , we are born with true innocence and purity. You were meant to be made with a lot of LOVE, you were given life just by thought, and before we could even see the light of day , our parents , the ones we don’t even know yet but already love unconditionally , they do not know any better, and the first feeling that emerges regardless of their upbringing, is FEAR, followed shortly after with a feeling that only some parents are able to identify right away, which is LOVE.

Fear is surrounded by doubts and confusion. Everyone in this universe has felt fear. The feelings that follow after the feeling of fear , will determine the next choice you will make. If you have been filled only with fear as a child , instead of love, and didn’t have a balance of both, all of your life decisions will be built on self doubt and confusion. Unfortunately, for some, fear is all they will ever feel on this earth, and unfortunately some don’t even make it into this earth because of fear.

Don’t get me wrong, if you made it through the only choice your parents actually had in your life, and they chose your life , you must understand that you have a purpose to live, and you don’t owe your life to your parents, in fact, although it’s scary to learn somethings the hard, and sad way, you must believe that you matter and the scarier life seems to be for you , the bigger your purpose to live ! and you must not silence your pain and allow FEAR to reign!

You must always choose LOVE and understand that true love does not hurt, and if you must turn away from the people you trusted the most, in order to find your balance between LOVE & FEAR , believe that you’re choosing to break those chains and you are not alone!!

At the age of 30, and a mother of two amazing boys. I’ve just started to embrace my healing process, with a clear mind, and educating myself on how to cope, forgive, and ask for forgiveness. To maintain fully aware, present , in my recovery, as a mother , daughter, and a true believer of LOVE. There’s always a way! You just have to believe , and know that you’re strong worthy of a lot of unconditional love 💕

Let’s raise awareness to CHILDHOOD TRAUMA! C-PTSD! DID!

#dissociativeidentitydisordermovement

#mentalhealthawarness

#breakthestigma

#teachourchildrentolovenothate

I’m so grateful I found amazing resources to help begin my journey to healing. Thank you so much Beauty After Bruises!!

https://www.beautyafterbruises.org

Check out my blog! Chaybloggin.org

IG: Chayone1 aka Beauty After Bruises Survivor ⁣

FB: Poosh To Stay Strong

TikTok: Chayonedesouza48

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