Surrendering to Grace

I lay on the floor not knowing if I could get through the night, if I could live one more day. My mind was so loud, having constant thoughts of the past, hearing words of hopelessness and stuck in a momentum of resistance to what was. I felt so much pain, my heart hurt, it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart and it wouldn’t go away. Would I stay like this forever? How long until this pain affecting all levels of my being would subside or go away? I felt like I had no strength left, I just wanted the pain to end. I started asking myself what was the meaning of life if there was so much suffering and pain? Why am I here? Is there purpose in this suffering? As I lay on the floor, I cried out loud “God if you really exist then I need you to help me right now!”. That was the last of my strength, my final request. I didn’t know if God or some higher power existed, but if there was any chance I would take it. I cried out those words, full of pure intent and completely surrendered. I felt my tense & weak body soften and surrender into the floor.

This surrender, this letting go of resistance to fighting the pain, the past and what was and using my free will and pure intent to invite in God/Source/Divine (whatever word you choose to use) created a shift within my consciousness. I cannot remember if it was the morning after or a week later, but I started seeing the world through what seemed like new eyes. I saw beauty everywhere, the beauty that I wouldn’t normally pay attention to. The pain I was feeling in my heart dissipated, and the constant voice in my head got quieter as I began to meditate and feel the inner peace I longed for. More joy, freedom and happiness began to enter my life, but from an internal space which then reflected outwardly in my reality.

Often with depression we are not accepting what is and are suppressing who we really are. When I finally surrendered into the present moment and stopped fighting and resisting against what was in my reality, that’s when the grace of God/ Spirit/ Divine could do its work. I was willing and open to receive help from a higher power, I used my free will to invoke a miracle and opened up to expanding my consciousness. When we don’t know what to do or know how things are going to turn out we can allow God/Source/Spirit/Universe to help us in some way. We allow the love and blessings to occur with no expectation on what it will look like or how it is done, but we use our pure intent and have faith and trust that there is something out there hearing our call in our time of need.

I wanted to share this with those who are struggling right now, know your never alone, your prayer is always heard. Open up to receive support, open your eyes to notice the messages and signs and most of all know you are loved and you are here in this lifetime for a reason. When we can surrender to things that we cannot control and stop fighting against things that cannot be changed we then allow new possibilities and potentials into our life. Just like the saying “what we resist persists” so when we can accept and surrender we can experience so much freedom from suffering.

It is through these challenges in life that we grown and we discover who we truly are. It is through these times that we are willing to see our life and ourselves from a new perspective and see beyond the trauma, programing and belief systems we hold. We also come to understand we are so much more than just this human body and there is so much more to life and the world. When we can get through our darkest days we can then shine our brightest light and live a more joyful, loving and fulfilling life. We can live with purpose and meaning and be of service to others by being our authentic selves and embracing who we truly are.

In this life we will go through many experiences, some may be joyful, some may be challenging and will trigger us, but we can get through anything that comes our way. We can always tune into our hearts, into the present moment and into the knowing that life is happening for us and we accept the expansion of our soul and of all the experiences and emotions that we have come here as a human to experience. The most important thing we can do is not de-press who we really are – the world needs you!