suicide is ......................

I write this as try and process a suicide of someone I know. I have had experience of losing people I know and also being involved as part of a job. Some cases appear almost spur of the moment and some appear to be a long build up. Some are random and some have planning, like the last person I knew.

The most recent person took his life while married, living with 3 adopted children and appearing happy. He helped anyone he could and gave the impression of a straightforward existence. I only learned after the fact of debt and problems with other family. I don't want to pry with his widow but it appears debt was most likely. I think the idea was to claim life insurance or pay off a mortgage.

Without going into detail he must have planned it as he was in a particular place that was relevant to family, the tools were with him and there was a note. Was he taking a cowardly decision to get away from the problems he had, was he making the ultimate sacrifice to save the family. I don't know as not read the note but I am sure nobody has really won.

The case before was someone my wife and I worked with for a few years. She had a bad upbringing, living in care and abuse among other things. In late life she got married and divorced soon after, to someone she always loved. Her health wasn't great but she carried on. Then she was suspended for a work incident and that night killed herself.

It could have been spur of the moment, could have just needed that one incident to push her too far. She left 2 adult kids and grandchildren, there was nothing else involved in the present bar the work incident. I don't know if it was the worry of losing her job or perhaps it was a cry for help that wasn't heard.

In a previous life I worked on the railway and somewhere in the UK there was at least one suicide a week, more at certain times of the year. Having heard some of the back stories I wonder if more was involved or did some take the ultimate decision too quickly.

One story I was told that a young woman had a massive phone argument while stood on a platform, the call ended and she jumped in front of the next train. Apparently the person she was arguing with was trying to call her back as she jumped.

Many more take this route later in the year, approaching Christmas especially. Times when lack of money and family pressures mounting. Everyone has their cut off point and many can take a lot and some less.

Its very hard to know what to do or say but if you suspect someone is close then say anything. Social media makes it easy to send a wave or a hug or to say hello. Its better then regretting it after. Tomorrow could be too late, half an hour could be too late.

I have clinical depression and anxiety, I have had help and treatment. I have family who help when I need it and a partner who means everything. Stress builds daily and I admit I may be near the breaking point but want to stay around. I have people that love me, I don't want to hurt them or anybody else involved.

Although my friend who died most recently thought he was doing what was best he has made things harder all round. Also consider those who found him, those who recovered him, those that removed him, those that investigated and that's before family and friends.

If you ever feel close please think twice and then once more. Get help, keep asking till you get it. The world isn't much good at the moment but there's always something worth hanging around for. There are people that care and will miss you, even if its not always obvious.

There's always something better around the corner, it might just take a while to reach the corner, but its worth the journey to get there.