Shots of Support
Marking Life Lessons With Colour and Etching Experience Into Your Skin
What do you bring with you when you are literally running for your life? Well, like the reasons that brought you to that point, the answer isn’t really all that simple.
When you travel anywhere you carry with you the necessities such as your memories, aspirations, hopes and dreams and if those weren’t heavy enough you also have to carry the not so pleasant baggage such as your failures, falling outs, and insecurities- to name just a few. In my case, I carried all of those with me and included a few extras- a failed marriage, a drug addiction and a beat-up guitar case with an old acoustic.
I am a minimalist so the loss of material goods was not much of a blow for me. I had lived out of boxes before and had never really planted roots deep enough to find a place that felt like home. Of all the loss I was feeling, the greatest loss I experienced was the loss of connection I had with the people that felt to me like home.
For some, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for an addict distance can make room for mistakes.
Over time, and down your twisted path later you just don't realize that the people you love actually became your life support. So, I started my life over without the people I came to know as oxygen and I had to learn to breathe all over again.
As I maneuvered through recovery and every uncomfortable feeling that came with it, I noticed that even though the cravings for the drugs had started to subside the loneliness I felt did not. I started to lose myself and like a ball of yarn I desperately tried to find the end of the string -my safe place. When you start to unravel you need something physical to help remind you that you are not alone while you fight for your life. I was missing my friends and without enough money for a trip back across country, along with the option of using again getting more enticing by the day I did the next best thing I could think of and booked myself a tattoo.
Getting this tattoo has served two very important purposes for my wellbeing, firstly, I have learned through recovery that when experiencing strong urges to use I need to invest my money elsewhere as quickly as possible to provide myself with one more barrier between me and a bad decision. The second purpose, having something physical plastered to my body provided me a much needed visual reminder that I had people rooting for me and my happy ending.
For an addict, having this physical reminder can be life changing, especially when your mind and body are in sync working together in unison to trick you into thinking your only true friend is your addiction and that substance of choice is the only choice you can make.
Out of the few material things I had carried with me during my move, one very important item stood apart from the others -a single shot glass. It wasn’t just any shot glass of course and with it came both a story and sentimental comforts. Before I left the place I had called home for about 27 years, I gave each of my bestfriends a unique shot glass of thier own. Each glass was marked with a bullseye to match the roulette I knew we all played to varying degrees within our lives. The colors on each of the markings were shared over these three glasses and intertwined together, tangled like we had become. It was at that time that our tradition started, we each carried with us our glass and no matter where we ended up we would always be able to toast to special moments or when needed, support eachother in times of despair.
I knew this fresh start across country away from everything I had come to know was what I needed for my very survival. If it weren't for the encouragement of my two best friends- my chosen brothers, I would not have made it through this mess of a story and there is a very strong possibility I would not be alive today to thank them for it. After three hours in a tattoo parlour and a small tribute on my forearm later, it still doesn’t seem like enough to show the impact and inspiration that these two people have made to my life.
The way a tattoo marks forever, so is the love I now feel for myself -permanent, stagnant, and unchanging.
Now, every time I rest my forearm on that counter top and I have a drink after what seems like a day never ending, I think back on you both fondly. We may never all be under the same roof again but no matter where we all call home on the map; when I call you to arms you will ready, steadfast as the ink on my skin.
As of today, I am now officially 7 months and 22 days free of drugs thanks to the help of those who refused to let my story end in addiction. I thank myself for the tattoo that will always serve as a reminder that my future has no room for relapse, my very life depends on it. Living is a gift many people I know have been denied and with my experiences I hope to always find strength because like all of you I have so much of my story left to write.
Time, distance, and full of resistance-I’ll take a shot to that.
About the Creator
Nicole Booth
I am a writer looking to get my work out into the world and connect with my readers.
I am a recovered addict that wears my heart on my sleeve and although I write many genres I prefer writing about my own personal experiences.
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By Med Abdeljabbar6 days ago in Psyche
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