Secure as a Verb Not Just a Label.

Security as a verb is acknowledging your triggers and learning how to move through instead of around them.

Security is an evolved point of emotional maturity that is able to shift from the mindset of being able to erase triggers and trauma but accepting responsibility for them.

People who are truly secure just like good communicators won't be so busy trying to convince you are they are just focused on showing you through how they are.

The reality is…

Someone who is truly secure, open, and available who has done the inner work will not default to being reactionary, shutting down, assumptions, or attacking but will respond with curiosity, understanding, and mindfulness because they aren’t driven by insecurity or a place of allowing their inner wounds to control them, their emotions or their sense of self.

They don’t run from vulnerability. They don’t fear allowing someone to truly see them because what matters most is that they are presenting the most authentic, real, and genuine version of themselves in all the light and the darkness that makes them who they are.

And the people who are in that same place, in the same space, and who have the same capacity to meet them there will recognize and respect them more for that rather than be triggered by it.

Understanding that is where connections are found and intimacy is created.

People operating from a conscious and aware mindset do not perceive things in the same way as people who are operating from a place of still being subconsciously controlled by their trauma and inner wounds.

They see things as opportunities to learn not reasons to shut down. They see things as invitations to grow and evolve not internalized attacks on their sense of self. They see past projections into what place behaviors are potentially stemming from. They challenge you not to change you but to help you better yourself because they want you to heal. They are able to see past what you want them to see because they don’t see through a lens of their own pain but through clarity that they’ve found be taking the time to connect with themselves and the things they feel. They communicate with kindness, vulnerability, and patience.

The three biggest green flags are growth, kindness, and compassion.

If they are consistently kind, if they care about growing, and if they can see beyond their own perspective, then this is someone worth your time and energy.

-Yung Pueblo

Secure as a verb looks like...

Someone who is healed enough to be secure in who they are and not run at the slightest hint of someone questioning it because they aren’t running from who they have to be to be with you.

It’s someone who is able to connect deeply with you because they have taken times to be deep with themselves.

"We can only meet others as deeply as we've met ourselves."

It’s someone who is capable of holding other perspectives even if they aren’t the one they default to. It’s someone who isn’t terrified of truly being seen because they have taken the time to reflect, accept, and love all the versions that lie within themselves.

It is someone who has taken the time to hear and see all that their inner child has to teach them and learned to love themselves in the process.

It is someone who has learned how to communicate with emotional awareness and intelligence because they have taken the time to nurture these parts within themselves by connecting first with themselves.

It is someone whose sense of self isn't threatened by someone who sees them beyond the masks they put on.

It is someone who is someone who is secure enough in themselves that their sense of self isn’t "threatened" by other people’s opinions or calling out these parts of them because they have already seen and accepted these parts of themselves.

It is someone who accepts themselves to be capable of being available, being vulnerable.

It is someone who isn’t afraid to be raw and have honest conversations because they are secure in knowing the truth of who they are and what they stand for and know that them being vulnerable doesn’t mean they will lose themselves.

It isn't someone so afraid of being judged if the perception of who they want to be seen as fails. It isn't about an act because it's about availability.

It is someone who isn’t afraid of losing control or losing themselves because they know they won’t, that no one could take that from them and no judgement matters at the end of the day.

It is the shift...

It is someone who has taken the time to grow to accept everything as a learning and growing experience and has evolved to be able to process everything in the light of what is this trying to show, what is this trying to teach, and how can I understand this better.

It is someone who has healed enough to understand the difference in living from a place of keep and living trying to keep the peace.

It is someone who has made peace, who continues to practice making peace, acceptance, and appreciates the differences in others, who is secure enough to be able to be themselves without internalizing how others are as a personal attack to their ego.

It is someone who doesn’t fear but welcomes someone who holds them accountable. Because they recognize instead of repress the parts of themselves that make them feel turbulent or insecure.

It is someone who is able to sit instead of shut down. It is someone who speaks instead of simmers.

It is someone who can feel their negative emotions, who can feel the hard emotions and is able to listen and regulate to find a calmness and move through them without being consumed by them.

It is someone more concerned with navigating than neglecting the things that they feel.

It is someone who doesn’t chase comfort or convenience. It is someone who doesn’t fear as way that truth may present themselves in life.

It is someone who is able to authentically and respectfully show up as they are and in their truth without fear of being judged or disliked because of who they are.

It is someone who is willing to let themselves be seen from every angle and in every way because they are secure in their sense of self and all the good and the flawed parts that make up who they are.

It is someone who has created the space within themselves to grow, to be loved, and to love.

It is someone who has created safety within themselves and in turn is able to create that space in their connections with others, a safe space.

Someone who understands that real connection is vulnerability, that real intimacy is emotional safety.

Someone who understands that true connection is found in the space between feeling safe and feeling desired. Not the kind that says I’ll take a bullet for you but the kind that says you can be everything you are and I see you, want you, and love you for it.

Someone who truly understands what it means to feel safe around someone and not in the ways that the world taught us to think are all we need to “feel safe” and not in the ways of the bare minimum of societal “safety” we were taught, but in the ways that will make you feel free, seen.

The kind that shows up in softness, stability, and security. The kind that shows up as respect no matter what.

It’s someone who actively knows how to respect the space that is created for vulnerability to live. It is someone who has learned how to responsibly care and connect with someone else’s feelings and emotions.

It is someone who knows the difference is respecting the space and responsibly moving through the space. Someone who accepts accountability for the impact they have on the feelings of others.

It is someone who has taken the time to listen to their inner child so it doesn’t have to continue to scream out and throw tantrums to be heard throughout their adult life.

Self security comes from...

Figure out what your unmet and unfulfilled needs are from your childhood or what was missing. It is learning how those things show up in the present versions of who we are, what we identify with, how we think, how we treat others, and how we know to connect.

How to give that to yourself, how to heal those wounds, how to reparents your inner child, how to navigate the triggers and trauma so that it stops bleeding into the person you’re trying to become as your adult self.

Allowing your inner child to evolve by finally listening to everything that it has to teach you and show you. How to transform your traumas instead of let them only trigger you.

-MF

It is someone who has taken the time to learn how to regulate themselves, to have the tools so that they can create an honest and fair space for a connection to grow. It is someone who has taken the time to rewire their brains, break toxic cycles, and change unhealthy patterns.

It is someone who is secure enough in themselves to know that they are safe to connect regardless of the outcome because they know they will enter and leave the same person.

It’s someone who connects and engages with others for the sole purpose of wanting to make others feel seen, heard, and understand. It’s someone who understands that there is space where your feelings, opinions, and emotions can be valid and so can someone else’s. The space where they can coexist and be respected and equally valued without anyone needing to be wrong or right.

It is emotionally safe communication.

It is someone who understands and communicates with clarity because they’ve taken the time to navigate the clouded skies that lie internally that once caused confusion and control subconsciously that now they are able exist and connect more consciously. Someone who no longer prioritizes their comfort on a conscious or subconscious level but leans into discomfort to gain perspective.

It’s someone leads with radical honesty and respect free from judgement and defenses.

It’s someone who is secure enough to have honest conversations that aren’t always comfortable but necessary, not controlled ones where they only feel “comfortable or willing to open up” when it suits them or paints them in a good light. Someone capable of having conversations not only on their terms.

Someone who isn’t afraid of the hard conversations and the hard questions but welcomes and reciprocates them.

Someone who doesn’t run from pain, who doesn’t get run from vulnerability; who actually knows how to embrace someone “see” them in the ways they have always wanted to be seen.

Someone secure is someone who allows themselves to be seen, someone who wants to see.

It is someone who works to listen fully to understand everything you say and don’t to see the unfiltered, raw truth of who you are.

Someone who tries to connect with version you try to keep the world from seeing, recognizing because they’d rather connect with that version of you or nothing at all.

It’s isn’t someone who wants to be seen yet runs at the first sign of someone actually trying to see them. Someone who claims to want to be heard yet when someone actually take the time to listen and comprehend the vulnerability that comes from it is far too much to bear cause the fear of being seen overwhelms and wins out.

It’s someone who communicates to comprehend because without that, a connection will never be capable of blossoming. Someone who communicates from a place of wanting you to feel heard.

It’s someone who understands that communicating just as much about listening as it is about speaking. It’s someone who comes from a place where they understand it’s not about competition but about connection.

Communication without either party being truly heard and feeling seen is just chaos.

It’s someone who makes a conscious choice to stay open not avoid, no matter what.

It is someone whose vision isn’t stunted, limited in this ability to connect by their own projections and perceptions from a lens jaded from unhealed pain, from their own internal war.

It is someone who doesn’t live and react from a place of fear, who understands most of our toxicity all is rooted in fear.

Security in action holds no place for ego...

Someone who in the midst of their state of being triggered can still choose to communicate with curiosity instead of cower when their ego is being called out.

It is someone whose unconditional love, respect, and support doesn’t go out the window when their ego’s sense of comfort and control feels threatened.

Someone who is not just emotionally fluent but able to actively use their emotional intelligence in the moments that matter, it is accountability that comes with the awareness to be responsible for our feelings and the impacts we cause intentionally and unintentionally.

Someone who just wants you to show up completely as you are and doesn’t try to change you, only to see you. And they see if that is enough, if that resonates but regardless they try to see your true self beyond all the masks and facades you put up.

Someone who understands that someone calling you out is only an attack if you perceive it as such but is at its core a call to grow, a call to take accountability, and challenge to change.

It’s understanding the difference in someone calling you out to challenge you to grow and self reflect and someone doing it to belittle you. It’s understanding when it comes from someone wanting it to be an attack and someone who wants to just bring awareness because those are two completely different places people come from.

One wants you to feel seen and the other wants you to suffer. One holds a mirror because it wants us to see the parts that we don’t want to face to teach us to stop running and the other holds a mirror to try to make one feel inferior. Pay attention to the space and words used to convey these things that is where you’ll find the intent, that is where you’ll be able to see if kindness is the place it is coming from in someone.

It’s someone who understands the concept that a call out doesn’t always come from a place of criticism, critique, or competition; it means they are asking for more from you, not because you aren't enough but because they see you can be more.

It’s is someone who understands energy hygiene, self love, and how to define their own boundaries while still understanding how to respect others.

It’s someone who understands how to be kind but still direct in presenting a boundary rather than using it as an excuse to be dismissive, disrespectful, or avoidant.

Someone who understands boundaries are meant to make sure you respect your worth not protect your ego.

It is someone who understands that boundaries are about respecting the space, respecting the grey and leaving it rather than trying to make it black or white.

It’s someone who understands that you can still respectfully validate someone while still affirming and respecting your own boundaries. Someone who has also learned the tools for how to convey that.

Someone who understands they are meant to filter toxicity not escape responsibility, not scapegoat accountability.

It’s someone who can stay in discomfort rather than run but be able to pause and treat themselves and others gently with respect as they move through the space they are feeling.

It is someone who has learned to trust themselves enough to be in discomfort temporarily then permanently. It is someone who understands it is necessary to evolve.

It is someone who understands that good things don’t come without facing hard things, without facing uncomfortable things, and if you keep avoiding every opportunity that presents itself for you to be better and to find better.

Someone who understands that cutting someone off or ghosting someone because they challenged you to be vulnerable, being closed off isn’t a boundary; it’s avoidance.

One of the biggest signs of maturity and respect is choosing to communicate in the midst of your own chaos and discomfort. It is not faltering to in the midst of your fears.

Secure is the difference in...

It’s the difference between embracing criticism and internalizing criticism, the mentality shift between those two things.

It’s the difference in entering a space and actively creating a space where vulnerability can feel safe.

It is the difference in wanting connect but also fearing it. It is the difference in needing connection but knowing how to nurture one. It is the difference in real connection and ruining connection.

It is the difference in security and self sabotaging the spark of new connection.

It’s the difference in what you want actually aligning with what you’re capable of giving, capable of entertaining when it does present itself rather than running when you finally get a glimmer of the thing you claim to want.

It is the difference in availability and having to project availability to make someone seem more available than the reality they are showing you.

Security is the difference in the response that comes as accountability or attack.

It’s the difference between someone who has matured enough to understand and be aware of the way their actions or inactions may impact you and cares enough to proactively do their best to align that with their intentions or communicate instead of just coping for themselves because they respect you and your feelings enough. It’s understanding that showing up and communicating even if it isn’t comfortable is the bare minimum of respecting others.

It is the difference in those who have intentions and those who align their impact.

Someone who understands growth never happens when you’re rooted in comfort unwilling to move. Healing can't take place if you still prioritize comfort above all else, ego above all else.

It’s learning how to communicate openly and honestly without fear and without taking things personally.

Secure as a verb isn't ego...

It is someone who understands in order to heal, in order to attract better it means first breaking and losing the whole identity that you build around your pain, around protecting your inner child. The identity that your ego built to protect itself.

It acceptance of the things you've identified all this time as identity when it was always your ego.

It understanding the difference in wanting you to be comfortable and challenging your emotional comforts. The difference in comfort and complacency.

It is someone who understands that often times the people we need, the people who are right for us will show us and challenge alot of the parts of us we don’t often want to face or talk about because they want to connect on a deeper level.

Someone who understands that not everyone who triggers you is toxic and until you get to the perspective of seeing that you will run from both the good and bad for the comfortable and stay stagnant, staying stuck in the cycles.

Someone who understands that you can never find peace with someone else if you aren’t at peace with yourself and that comes from spending time learning about the pieces of who you are to find that inner peace with yourself.

Someone who understands that to attract better and deserve better they also have to do the work to become better.

It is someone who has healed to have the capacity to communicate in a way where they are able to understand and recognize the place and space that you come from that someone unhealed never will be able to.

It is someone who in every aspect of their life will choose peace over potential.

Someone who has done far too much work and come too far to live in the fantasies of what someone could be rather than the reality of what is. It is someone who is secure enough in their reality and not just their words to choose safety over comfort and intensity.

Secure is...

Understanding how to stay open when you want to close off. Choosing to pause instead of reacting. Communicating instead of coping. Choosing not to swim to shallow waters when you go deeper and get scared but continuing to tread waters knowing you’ll be better for it. Learning how to be objective even when you’re triggered and want to default to being defensive. Flipping the script on what feels easy for what is hard, it’s choosing difficult but respectable way and being better for it. Accepting rather than attacking. Allowing your triggers to become your triumphs.

Empathy over ego.

Maturity is being able to recognize the inner toxicity in spending our lives prioritizing finding someone else instead of finding yourself.

It’s actually being able to handle the things that people claim they want instead of freaking out when they actually are presented with it like true depth or vulnerability being challenged.

It’s connecting with people from a place of “furthering not fixing” and surrounding ourself with the same of “educators not enablers” who are securely rooted in an authentic place of self.

It’s the shift in seeking approval and validation from others to finding the value within. It’s the shift in stopping trying to fix others and focusing instead on fixing ourselves.

It is learning that you shouldn’t have to self sacrificing who you are to make someone else feel “safe or secure.”

It’s the shift in learning to live our lives purely for ourselves and not for others.

It's acceptance instead of abandonment of ourselves.

It’s learning how to create boundaries for yourself instead of abandoning and betraying yourself to keep the peace and tolerating disrespect and misalignment.

It’s learning how to learn how to please yourself before you try to please others.

Secure as a verb is not being so focused at keeping the peace with others that it means we leave ourselves in pieces in the process.

It’s the journey in figuring out who you actually are when you strip away the conditioned projections of who our parents, partners, and the world wants us to be.

It’s the transition from outward to inward, from extrinsic to intrinsic, from personal to processing.

It’s figuring out how to pause in the silence and what resonates from the places that it takes you without projecting. It’s learning how to navigate that space, how to be comfortable in that. How to find clarity in that, how to find healing.

It’s learning how to feel instead of fear.

It’s choosing you apart from obligation, judgement, shame, and guilt.

It’s learning how to exist in the truth that you find as you explore trying to find peace with the parts of you that cause you pain.

It’s acknowledgement instead of avoidance, accountability instead of deflection.

It’s the journey of figuring out how to love ourselves, accept ourselves for all that we are and finding inner peace in the process.

It’s choosing how to be your authentic and unfiltered self while still respecting others.

Secure is someone who is more focused on showing you than telling you who and how they are as a person.

Security is found in someone who understands that it isn't something you say you are but more so how you are and how you show up.

Secure is the way of how someone is rather than the label of who they want to be perceived as.

Someone who is secure is someone who shows stability within the space of the connection you share.

Someone who is truly secure isn't preoccupied with telling you they are because it is the state of how they will be.

Secure as a verb is the action not the adjective of how someone is not a label of who they are.