I Hope You Find Peace.

I hope you find peace so that you can learn that you are worthy of love and the next time it comes you learn to accept it.

That you can learn that refusing to be vulnerable will always hinder your ability to truly build a lasting connection with anyone.

That not everyone who wants to know you on a deep level want to know you to hurt you.

I hope you find healing so you gain the awareness to be able to accept responsibility in situations that your old self would have rejected it in.

Healing doesn't mean running away from the things that make you feel uncomfortable, it means learning to accept the role that you have play in your own suffering...and the roles you have played in the suffering of others.

I hope you find peace so you can learn to reflect instead of run.

I hope you find peace so you can understand the difference in letting someone be who they are and refusing to acknowledge the impact of your actions in hurting someone rather than being concerned with being right.

That you stop trying to fix others and work on fixing yourself instead... not because you’re too broken but because if you were healing the parts of you that need healing you'd understand it isn't your place to be someone's savior.

And I think that a huge part why it’s easier for you to stay in the cycle of being with toxic people is because it distracts you from having to face the parts of yourself you need to face, to heal.

I think that it’s easier if it feels like someone else is the problem than if someone else is a mirror of the things you don't want to see about yourself.

I think sometimes it’s much easier to feel like you have value and aren’t broken if you feel like you’re helping someone else, if you’re healing them instead of understanding that it isn’t your job to fix someone if they won’t fix themselves.

I hope you find peace so you stop looking for someone to save and start looking for someone who is safe.

To understand that these broken parts of you don’t make you any less worthy of anyone’s love regardless of the past of others incapacity to love you in the ways you needed but that it also doesn’t excuse you for staying scattered instead of slowly piecing yourself back together.

That you stop living in the narratives of things that others have told you and reclaim those things by defining them for yourself. Because baggage is only baggage if you allow it to be, if you transfix on it.

I hope you find peace so you can learn that it is unfair to expect someone to show unconditional love when you don’t show that in return but disrespect their presence whether you mean to or not.

That you learn that it is selfish to push people to the edge and expect them not to jump eventually, but to continue to stay in an unsafe environment.

To have convinced yourself you’re the victim when everyone chooses themselves because enough is enough when you’ve done everything to make them leave instead of trying to show them they could stay even when they fought to stay so many more times than they should’ve.

That you can learn to have the awareness to understand that it is unfair to ask someone to take a bullet for you when you wouldn’t take one for them in actuality...That you would always choose you. And that is okay but what isn't is a double standard.

That you stop making excuses for the ways you lacked respect when you treated respecting them as conditional on what was going on in your world and on the things you felt at the time rather than on consideration of their feelings as well.

I hope you find the healing to gain the awareness to learn to respect and not resent when others hold you accountable.

To understand and appreciate when others are healthy enough to know and communicate their standards and expectations.

That you find peace in learning to be able to evaluate without taking it personally, without letting your insecurities guide you and without allowing your trauma tell you that someone is attacking but are able to find clarity on if those things align with you or not; peacefully be able to see that from a healthy lens not a hurt one.

To respond from a place of peace and not react from pain.

To learn that anyone healthy for you, anyone good will bring these things into your life not let you escape to your defaults.

That you can learn that you can have someone good, loyal, and truly capable of giving so much love but that it doesn’t matter if that love is mishandled or not reciprocated, disrespected enough times.

So you can understand that love isn’t just enough for someone to stay, to accept less than they deserve regardless of their feelings.

I hope that you find peace so you can learn how to be friends with the things you feel. So that you can learn not to fear the introspection that will allow you to see the things you don’t “want to” but “need to” throughout life.

That life will teach you that sometimes what you think is good for you isn't always good for you. And as you find peace, as you heal so does your idea of what you consider good.

That you can stop looking for people who will allow you to live within the comfort zones that your trauma has let you create.

I hope that one day you find peace in allowing your trauma to transform you rather than trigger you.

That finding true inner peace is about making peace with the parts of us that are not peaceful.

The parts that you need to personally make peace with.

The parts of you that have manifested falsely telling you that they will keep you safe but actually deterring you from actually healing.

That you can learn how to stop attracting those who fuel your fears and allow you to live inside the comforts of the ways you’ve only ever known how to cope but instead open yourself to be challenged so you can grow in the ways your heart needs to evolve instead of evicting those who want more for you, who see more in you than you see in yourself.

That evolving is about not curbing and coping but challenging and changing.

I hope you find peace and in that you find humility to see that someone challenging you to be better, someone challenging you to grow in ways that others hasn't is going to feel uncomfortable but that is true love, that is true care.

To want more for you, to want better for you. For you, not for them.

That you learn that someone who challenges you to grow isn't a personal attack on your sense of self and someone who challenges you to be vulnerable isn't trying to attack your sense of independence. That someone trying to learn about you, connect with you isn't always trying to take pieces of who you are.

I hope you find peace so you can begin to be honest with yourself and see that translate into the way you connect with others, the way you treat others, and what you attract in others.

People you love will continue t0 always get hurt even when you are thinking you are being honest with them when you truly aren't because you aren’t truly being honest with yourself. And it is foolish to think otherwise because your actions won’t ever fully align if your heart isn’t truly aligned with your mind.

That at some point you embrace the fact that awareness without action is wasted breath and without that awareness you won’t attract the kind of good you want.

I hope you find peace so you can understand that you don’t have to be a bad person to unintentionally hurt people you love by things you didn’t mean to but that the extent of your capacity to love lies in your ability to take accountability and acknowledge the part that you played and understand that their side matters as much as yours does regardless of intention.

To understand that it is more than actions over words but impact over intentions.

I hope you find peace in learning how to protect yourself from disingenuous people and how to let your walls down for those who show you a safe place.

I hope you learn to trust people with your heart when they show you their heart aligns with the impacts of their words.

That you find peace in learning to not just shut down and shut out people when things get hard but in actually facing and working through instead of around the feelings you find uncomfortable and hard.

I hope that you find peace in breaking the cycles, patterns, and mindsets that trap you so that you can learn to define your pain as progress and not as a problem.

That you give yourself an honest chance to find real peace not in isolating yourself, not in your coping mechanisms but in doing more than just “letting them.”

I hope you learn to have patience with yourself, with the imperfect and hurting parts of your inner child.

I hope that you find peace in learning that you don't always get the last word when you've been given so many chances to have it and never found the right words.

I hope you give yourself space to find that peace.

I hope that you heal to understand that forgiveness doesn't always equate to forgetfulness. That it doesn't always mean second chances.

That no matter how much someone loves you that even if they forgive you it doesn’t mean that you get infinite chances to abuse, to try, and to test.

At least not if someone has any self respect for themselves. Not for lack of love, but for awareness of knowing that sometimes letting go is love.

I hope you learn how to have boundaries not only with others but more so with yourself to protect you from yourself and from letting your trauma trigger you, from letting it control you and hold you back.

From letting your past still seep into your present. From letting your pain prolong your path to peace.

I hope you learn how to change your story by finding peace along the path of all of the parts that you don't want to be reminded of.

I hope you find healing to understand that things are "that deep" but they can only be that deep to the capacity to of the depths that you have been willing to met yourself.

They just aren't yet to you because you are avoiding meeting parts of yourself and refusing to take things seriously and staying shallow feels safer. They are only deep if you are deep and that is a direction reflection of where you are at.

I hope you find peace so you choose to stop hurting yourself and others by refusing to heal the parts of you that want to be heard, that want to be seen, that want to be found.

I hope you learn to find peace in the pieces.

I hope you find peace in a way where your heart will understand the beauty in learning how to create safety and security within a connection without feeling like that equates to sacrifice.

I hope you find peace in the parts of you that have never found it.

I hope that you find peace in welcoming everything, every part that you run from within yourself.

I hope you learn to have patience and love for yourself so that you can redefine what love from others actually looks like.

The world is hard enough and no matter what you’ve been taught and told being soft isn’t the same as being weak. Learning how to be soft and kind is so much harder than hating yourself for the way you are and the things you’ve been through.

I hope you find peace in healing so that you can learn how to be loved and love in a way that will feed your soul instead of fuel your fears.

That you are able to shift your perspectives so that you perceive the way you see yourself and others differently, out of defensiveness, self preservation, and flight towards connection and clarity with understanding yourself and others better.

I hope you find the parts of yourself that I thought at one point I could help you find.

I hope you take the time to see that the glimmers I saw in you are able to grow. That the beauty I saw in you is able to blossom.

I hope that you find peace in learning how to be soft, with others and with yourself.

I hope you find peace so you can learn to embody an unmistakable intuition to discern who loves you for who you are versus loves you for what you can do for them.

I hope you find peace not in the comfort of the ways that you've known but in the challenges that will change you, for the better.