Riding the Middle Wave

Ever notice how people love to pick sides? It’s like we’re constantly asked to choose between two waves: you're either riding left or right, red or blue, good or bad. But here's the thing—life doesn’t work in black and white. It's mostly paddling through gray. And that’s where the trouble starts when we fall into a sneaky little brain trap called dichotomous thinking.

This all-or-nothing mindset isn’t just a random bad habit. It’s a cognitive bias, meaning it’s built into how our brains like to take shortcuts. The mind loves simplicity—it wants the world to be clean-cut, digestible. But in that chase for clarity, we lose nuance. We slap labels on people. We judge before we even listen. And when you zoom out, this distorted thinking creates something way more gnarly: division, anger, and alienation—especially in the political arena.

Let’s unpack this, take a breath, and see if we can’t paddle past the binary breakers.

The Brain’s Lazy Shortcut: What is Dichotomous Thinking?

At its core, dichotomous thinking is the tendency to see things in absolutes. You're either a success or a failure. You're with us or against us. Someone is either 100% right or completely wrong. Psychologists tie this to cognitive distortions, which are flawed patterns of thinking that mess with how we see the world and interact with others.

Why do we think this way? Well, the brain craves certainty. Ambiguity is uncomfortable. So instead of sitting with complexity, we split the world into easy categories. That’s helpful in life-or-death situations (saber-toothed tiger = bad, campfire = good). But in modern life? It leads to toxic oversimplification, especially when we're talking politics, culture, or identity.

Political Arena Wipeouts: Three Examples of All-or-Nothing Thinking

1. You’re Either Patriotic or You Hate America

One of the classic political binaries we’ve seen over and over is the idea that if you criticize government policies—especially around military action, police reform, or systemic inequality—you must hate your country.

But that’s a false choice. A person can love their country and still want it to be better. In fact, some of the most patriotic acts are born from that tension: civil rights movements, protests, and grassroots activism. Yet dichotomous thinking reduces these complexities into “us vs. them,” which shuts down dialogue and fuels tribalism.

2. All Immigrants Are a Threat / All Conservatives Are Racist

Let’s be real—immigration policy is complicated. It involves economics, ethics, law, and humanity. But you wouldn’t know that if you scroll social media or tune into certain news channels. One extreme casts all immigrants as criminals or freeloaders; the other paints anyone with border concerns as xenophobic monsters.

Again, this is all-or-nothing thinking at play. People are slammed into categories with no wiggle room, which makes actual conversation nearly impossible. The result? Dehumanization. Fear. Anger. Instead of building bridges, we’re throwing stones.

3. If You Don’t Support All LGBTQ+ Rights Immediately, You’re a Bigot

Now, this one might sound spicy—but it’s worth addressing with honesty and heart. In today’s progressive circles, there can be pressure to be fully on board with every aspect of LGBTQ+ rights immediately or risk being labeled intolerant.

Of course, protecting human rights and dignity is non-negotiable. But not everyone is at the same point in their learning curve. Sometimes people come from conservative backgrounds, religious traditions, or just haven’t had exposure. Demonizing those people without engaging them shuts down growth. Again—dichotomous thinking fails us. Instead of fostering understanding, it creates walls and shame.

How This Bias Breeds Division

When we divide the world into good and evil camps, it justifies anger. It makes demonizing others seem logical. Once someone’s in the “bad” box, we don’t have to listen. We don’t have to understand their story. We just shut the door, post about it online, and move on. That’s how society fragments.

And let’s not forget: all-or-nothing thinking is a fast track to burnout and hopelessness. Because if you’re not making progress fast enough, or someone slips up once, the whole movement feels like a failure. That’s no way to build sustainable change.

So, How Do We Surf Past the Split?

If we want to calm the waters and actually heal, we need to retrain our brains away from the binary. Here’s a few ways we can start:

1. Practice Cognitive Flexibility

Cognitive flexibility means learning to hold multiple truths at once. Someone can have valid concerns about immigration and still be a compassionate human. A person might struggle with new pronouns and still deeply respect LGBTQ+ individuals. Life’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

2. Engage in Slow Listening

Instead of reacting, try listening. Not the kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk—but real, slow, grounded listening. Ask someone where they’re coming from. Ask what shaped their views. Nine times out of ten, it’s more complex than you assumed.

3. Create Spaces for Middle Ground

The media loves extremes because they make headlines. But most of us live somewhere in the middle. That’s where change happens—in neighborhoods, coffee shops, open classrooms, town halls. We need to normalize nuance again.

Final Wave: You Don’t Have to Pick a Side to Make a Stand

Dichotomous thinking might feel safe because it gives us a clear answer. But in the long run, it shrinks our humanity. It makes us less curious, less compassionate, and less connected. And honestly, in a world this complex, being overly certain might be the biggest red flag of all.

So here’s an invitation: let’s stop choosing between waves, and start learning how to ride the current together. Real strength isn’t found in being "all right" or "all left." It’s found in the messy, mindful middle—where empathy lives, where growth happens, and where we start seeing each other as whole, evolving humans.

Now that’s a ride worth taking.