Rediscovering My Hobbies

I was always told from a young age, by my parents and close family members, that I couldn’t stick to a single activity. From vocal lessons to piano and guitar, to ice skating, dance, and more.

As an adult, I find myself now, a month away from the age of 30, again, with no hobbies to choose from and nothing to do.

I’ve always been able to accomplish what’s been needed, such as cleaning my home and completing weekly chores. However, when it comes to leisurely activities, or those intended to help one relax, it was never something I was able to do.

For a couple of years, my interests faded all together, due to the constant depressive state I was in as a result of my Bipolar Type II diagnosis.

Thankfully, over the past six months or so, I’ve stabilized in terms of my mental health, but now it’s left me with too much free time, thus creating a lot of boredom.

I’ve tried watching Youtube or Netflix, or playing video games, but it never lasts longer than 15-20 minutes in duration, if at all. Sometimes, I turn something on, only to turn it off two minutes later.

I feel fidgety, restless, like I constantly want to move, or be doing something productive.

On a positive note, this has allowed me to create some digital products, such as these bookmarks, or my Girl Boss - Financial Wellness Budget Tracker & Journal.

However, when I’m not actively producing something, I feel like I’m not utilizing my time effectively, or how I should be.

Thus, I end up doing additional tasks such as preparing ingredients for a later time. Or, cooking and dividing my meals into portions to allow me to have food to eat throughout the rest of the week.

These activities take up time, and save me a lot of energy later, but they don’t last longer than maybe an hour or two during the day.

I used to be interested in the arts - in music and photography. However, I seldom do either one these days.

I’ve turned to writing - in all forms. Whether it be this blog, journaling, or composing poetry. That is where my passion now lies, though it is usually an outlet for how I feel during a certain moment in time.

Perhaps if I had additional income, I would choose to spend my money on experiences that would provide some dopamine in my life. But considering my current financial situation, and this economy, I’d rather save and budget as much as I can.

I’ve developed the habit of moving my body every day, not only for my physical health, but to relieve my mind of all the stress and anxiety which plagues it.

The reality, however, is that I feel my best when I’m around other people, enjoying quality time and whatever activities we choose to do together. But, I know that I cannot continue to rely on other people or external stimuli to bring me positive emotions. I must find these feelings internally, within myself.

Thus, I would like to train my body, to learn how to be still, and appreciate the quiet and peaceful moments in life, instead of constantly being on the go. And if I do need to be moving to release that extra energy, then to at least pair it with a soothing activity like listening to a podcast or audio-book.

If you yourself are a person with a mental health diagnosis that has experienced apathy, what are some coping mechanisms you have used to return to the activities which you once loved?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

With much love,

Klara K.