Healing

Drowning in a state of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I find myself battling my emotions again, or rather the fears that control me.

Always been the one to see the faults in others during conflicting situations, but never fully acknowledged my own words or behaviours during difficult times.

It made me think, “am I the one who’s actually been toxic all along?”

With an anxious attachment style, clinging onto my person for dear life, what seemed to me, like what I needed at the time. However, it turned out to be a suffocating trait of mine, pushing them even further away from me than before.

Just me, being triggered by certain situations. Leading to an emotional spiral and overwhelm. Taking my perceived reality as my objective reality, because in that moment, my brain can’t separate facts from the fictional narrative my mind’s portrayed as the worst case scenario.

Getting upset with others, when they can’t understand my thoughts or decisions - even though I led them astray by creating a false narrative which then changed over time.

Not having boundaries for those who I allow to play a role in my life.

It’s all too much.

There are either those whose lives seem calm and peaceful - separate from mine. Then there are others, whose personal chaos makes me look like a saint.

I seem to attract both, but the types that I truly need - the outliers - ones found on the middle of the spectrum. Those are the kind of people that I don’t have a lot of.

I used to think I'd have to distance myself from both groups of people, because neither seemed like the right fit. However, I’m realizing that instead of finding comfort in the chaos, I should instead distance myself from it, and try to improve myself by becoming a healthier and more healed version of me.

I heard a quote recently that said something along the lines of “Friendships are meant to die along with the old versions of you that no longer exist”.

I found this to resonate a lot with me, as I’m at the point in my life where I’m realizing that some relationships (friendships) no longer serve me.

It might be sad, and a little scary - to let go willingly, as a person who is afraid of abandonment herself. But, it is best to remove negative energies that I no longer want in my life, as opposed to keeping them around for the sake of being neutral or trying to make other people happy.

As I mentioned in my previous article, Metamorphosis, “I am no longer bound by old relationships and energies that have already left or shifted. Not confined by other peoples’ perceptions of who I am.”

And that “It is truly liberating, to leave environments and let go of concepts that no longer align with who you are and who you’re meant to be.”

I hope that by learning to set these boundaries, I can rebuild my inner circle, and make room for those who truly resonate with my values. Wishing that through the Law of Attraction, I will be able to bring good vibes my way, and make room for new friendships to grow.

And in terms of myself, and my personal hell that is navigating my mental health - I would like to learn to better manage my reactions to stressful and triggering situations, so that I don’t jump to the worst possible outcome every time.

I need to allow myself to pause, to be able to re-asses the situation without seeing everything as black or white. And to respond calmly and effectively, or wait it out, so that I don’t make a fool of myself for how I overreacted.

Here’s to hoping that 2026 can be the year I figure it all out.

With much love,

Klara K.