#RecoveryJourney: Anonymity VS Transparency.

My life has almost always been dictated from a place of fear.

Not being good enough, smart enough,

fast enough...

Or being

Too fat

Too loud

Too drunk

What I learned from an early age, was that I had an innate ability to make people feel and know what their feeling and how they were feeling without being told. More still was my ability to then mimic those thoughts and feeling and put on a mask in order to act like the other animals at the zoo. But that mask never quite fit.

Having been built like a brick shit house since the day I came into this world and that mixed with an imagination some might have called “overactive,” although to those people I say “fuck you” because maybe they have an under active imagination.

The point is blending into a crowd was never in the cards and I still always stuck out like a sore thumb lmao.

That kind of fear about being unable to hide yourself from attacks and criticisms followed me the rest of my life. Day after day fear grew and grew. Fear anxiety, anger. I was always worried that someone was going to realize that I’m not

the others and that I don’t belong inside of a box .

I’m more than just what fits inside of a box (both physically and metaphysically.)

For me it often felt like I was outside of the norm.

These were the thoughts that flew through my head every second of everyday.

My brain has always worked this way there’s no rhyme or reason to it but my head was a constant string of self inflicted loathing...

If I’m being honest, it’s not like quitting drinking alone was the fix. Because, while a huge component, my new self, truest self is not solely due to my year of sobriety.

Like, honestly... I’ve lived a life of some notable adventure and excitement as well as heartbreak and utter sadness and nothing, short of nearly dying, has been as hard as sobriety and recovery is.

...Wait...

Just to be clear, I’m not looking for sympathy or praise when I say that. In fact, I’m only pointing that fact out to emphasize the following:

Hard is not an acumen of good or bad... it’s just fucking... Hard. That’s not what you need to know though... What you need to know is that it is so damned worth it!

Im not saying do what I did and continue to do because everyone is the a leaf in the wind no one thing is right for all people.

So if you feel like you’re in a place you don’t like or if you’re feeling like you don’t like the you you are. Reach out to someone and let them know. Say you need a hand!

As hard as it is it’s so fucking worth it!

It was after much consideration and discussion with those closest to me that I made the choice to be open and tell my story. But that is not for everyone

(the second A in AA is there for a reason, although I don’t fuck with AA becasue their dogmatic rigidity is not my style!)

I figured if me speaking out and standing up helped even one person know that it’s ok to be honest about your mental health and with addiction. Also I aim to challenge the societal misconceptions and stigmas associated with substance abuse, addiction, recovery et all.

Anonymity and alcoholism/drug abuse/recovery being intertwined societally is not by accident for the majority of folx out there.

Most feel hiding their recovery and all that it entails is the only way lest all the preconceived notions about substance abuse and a live in recovery be negatively hung on their back.

So to not be judged for their pasts they have to hide their true selfs if only to make others feel more comfortable about their situation. I’m just trying to change peoples perceptions. I am an alcoholic that is an undeniable part of my life. But I’m also an artist and writer. A creator and collector of others creations.

I am a brother, son, grandson, best friend, and fiancé as well and further, my addiction cannot be explained away as just a “problem.” Addiction & recovery is more than that and I am more than my addiction & recovery.

I love you all and if you feel like you’re alone just know that’s you’re not, I’m here and so are many others. The most important part is you reach out.

Be well

Daniel OMara

Raconteur, Snake Oil Salesmen, Recovery/Sobriety, Mental Health, & Body Positivity Advocate. Director of Brand Creation and Social Media Strategies @ Fake Empire Consulting Group

#ONEYEARINRECOVERY #LIVEFATHANDSOME

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