Panic at the Gas Station

I’m particularly prone to panic attacks as I have bipolar disorder. Panic attacks can happen at any time to those dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns. I typically experience a panic attack when I’m coming down from bipolar mania. I’ve experienced them for more than 20 years and wanted to share some tips for managing an attack.

My latest panic attack occurred just yesterday. For the past several weeks, I’ve been experiencing bipolar mania and believed I was out of mania when I experienced a surprise panic attack while pumping gas at my neighborhood gas station. As a backstory, my last several weeks held an incredible amount of stress. My father-in-law was facing emergency heart surgery, my dog had an unbelievably expensive emergency vet visit, one of my best friends experienced two back-to-back heart attacks, and my mother had to undergo hip replacement surgery—all while I was heading into bipolar mania. My mania was triggered by stress, mixed with a new prescription of ADHD medication that tends to trigger bipolar mania. These events accumulated in the same week. I should have been prepared for a panic attack, but it caught me off guard.

As I stepped out of my car to begin pumping gas, I suddenly felt my chest expand as I began gasping for air. Hot tears stained my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop crying. My legs felt weak. I felt confused as to what was happening. I climbed back into my car and began the process of self-regulating exercises.

The first thing I did was call on my supportive community of friends and family members. I was paralyzed with fear and experienced constant shallow breathing as I sat in my car. Luckily, I dialed my best friend, who happens to be a mental health therapist and she was available at that moment. I quickly tried to explain what was happening as she began de-escalating my panic. It starts with the breath, as you must switch from shallow breathing to deep breathing. She stepped me through the process of managing my breath, by taking in deep breaths on a count of five and exhaling slowly on a count of eight. After a few minutes of breath work, I was able to begin calming my body.

She then began de-escalating my thoughts. I had to speak positively to myself as opposed to the negative thought patterns that were attacking me. I used the ‘stop methodology’ to stop my racing and negative thoughts and replaced those thoughts with a positive one. Instead of repeating, “I am not okay, and I’m going to die”—I began repeating “I’ve got this. You are fine. You can do this.”

After a period of about 20 minutes, I was able to compose myself and drive myself home, which thankfully was less than a mile. I stayed on the phone the entire time (hands free of course) to ensure my safe passage. Driving can be dangerous when you are in a state of panic. Once I arrived home, I reached out to other friends who were able to walk me through the process of being home. Bipolar disorder can cause ruminating thoughts along with suicidal ideation. My community always checks on me when I’m alone and in mania, as repeating thoughts of suicide can occur. This hasn’t usually happened to me—only on one or two occasions, but it can be a factor for some people.

As I sat on my patio, I began to unwind. I continued to monitor my breath and focused on watching the sun filter through the leaves in my woods. I concentrated on the sounds in the forest, as birds and squirrels were chattering. I began to pray, as this is a coping mechanism for me. I called my sister and we worked through an emergency plan for the day in case I was unable to drive to pick up my children from school. I could have dialed my family doctor and requested to be transferred to the nurse’s line as they are experts in managing all disorders, including panic. I have done this before and it was an enormous help.

My recommendation to my bipolar friends and those who suffer panic attacks is this:

• Learn how to regulate your breath in an emergency

• Build a community of support when you are not struggling, so that you may call on them when you are struggling

• Have phone numbers stored of people who can help you—Nurses, Doctors, friends, family, etc.

• Learn how to stop ruminating thoughts and apply positive self-talk which will help you de-escalate

• Have a plan for being at home, particularly if you are alone

Panic can be disabling and terrifying. It can happen at any time, or it can build slowly. If you are experiencing suicidal ideations or repeating thoughts, please seek help immediately. There is hope if you have a plan in place and have practiced it in case of emergency.

These are just a few of the ways I manage my panic that I’m hoping to share with my readers. For additional support you can visit helpful websites to learn more about coping strategies, such as Bphope.com.

I’m wishing you the best as you continue to live during your mental health journey.