Painting the Picture of Drug Addiction and the toll it takes.

Hello and good day, I wanna welcome and thank you for taking the time to read my content. If any of my story’s change you for the better, please thank me with a tip, But also knowing someone gained something is much more valuable than money in my opinion.

My life's been a living hell, but I only got there when I turned 13. I was just in middle school, fresh out of elementary school when I first ever used any kind of drug, that's also the age I lost my virginity. (I am gonna spare a lot of details because I just wanna paint a basic picture of my life for this post.) The first drug that I ever had a problem with is marijuana, back then I thought it was a harmless plant that was just stereotyped by the older generations. Which is true for most of the seniors on earth. I believe it can be okay and healthy to use marijuana depending on the individual, This is what someone that could smoke weed and not let it become a problem looks like, in words of course;

They have absolutely no mental health disorders or issues, especially any type of depression, or substance use disorder. My diagnosis(Mentally) is Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic features, Paranoid Schizophrenia, ADHD, Dyslexia, Severe PTSD, Nightmare Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. My dopamine system is permanently damaged from years of using drugs to become happy. My physical health issues are; Epilepsy, Heart Failure, Risk of Stroke, Weak Heart, and Insomnia. I have a lot of problems, and so far it's been nothing but problems as I age. I am only 18, 19 in a few months. A lot of these issues if not all are from drug use. I started showing signs of depression at age 8 but honestly I don't remember ever being happy. I remember this from my childhood and nothing else, me in the corner of the living room suffocating myself under my pillow so no one would hear me cry myself to sleep, I would cry and talk and pray to god “Why does everyone else get a mom and dad, and get to be happy when I don't really have any of those things'', now you might be thinking why didn't I get help, or try to change things. Well I fucking did, before the age 18 I spent 1.5 years in rehab and at least half a year in mental hospitals, after i got out I was seeing multiple therapists and psychiatrists and doctors. I remember seeing how much my MRI and CAT scans were… My insurance has literally paid over One Million dollars trying to ‘fix me’. I remember telling people can't fix it if it never broke. But in all honesty, I always have been broken, whether I overdose and become medically dead in an ambulance or my heart. The doctors kept pushing and soon I said fuck you to everyone, which made everything so much worse. Isolating might feel right but you gotta fight through that, I wish I had an adult to tell me how life worked, but my family only seems to care about money, which is the last thing I care for honestly, and any care that I do show is cause society has made it necessary to have money in order to live. Soon after weed I experimented with all types of drugs, it started out with OTC(Over the Counter) drugs, like Dextromethorphan(DXM, Cough Syrup, Triple C’s,), Antihistamines(Such as benadryl), Oxycodone, Methylphenidate, Methamphetamine salts, Etc. I was hooked on pills and weed for years, then when I was 17 was so addicted nobody could afford my habit, or they would refuse to give me any drugs because I would almost always overdose. So I turned to hard drugs, because they are stronger and cheap as dirt. I was never told what the consequences would be until I looked up why my teeth hurt and why my gums are literally decaying, it didn't take long either. This is from meth, when it got to its worse I was on it every second for 4 months straight. I stopped eating, sleeping and taking care of myself. I was trying to quit, going through withdrawals so it's very obvious i'll be more irritable and impulsive than I already am. I wanted to leave this god forsaken house, but at the time was prescribed medication for my mental and physical health. She refused to hand over my medications, even though I was 18, and they had my name on them. I grabbed the safe, took it to the shed, picked up a huge axe and demolished it in one strong hit. My grandpa was using excessive force to try what was gonna happen no matter what. They called the cops on ME and I had to sit in jail all night going through horrible withdrawals with bruises up and down both arms from someone I should be able to consider family. The court case is still going on to this day, and it began nearly a year ago. But I've been in and outta courts most of my life so I got somewhat used to it. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I invite you to please don't make the same mistakes I have, knowing this helps even one person would warm my cold dark heart. More content coming soon, and remember tips are greatly appreciated, just give what you can. Also if anyone needs advice one on one please do not hesitate to contact me, we can work something out. Stay Safe!!