Overcoming Abuse

I was seventeen when I met my daughters dad. He was twenty five. I was young and naive thinking that an older man actually liked me for me and not what I could do for him. It wasn't until a year after dating I began to see the changes . Horrible changes that my young mind did not think were possible.

It began in the summer of nineteen ninety five , I was hanging out with a close friend and her family. It was this friend who introduced me to this man who i will only refer to as JP as still speaking his name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. He stood five foot eight , black hair and green eyes. He was so sweet and nice , funny . Only then though as time went by all that disappeared.

He went from being kind and funny to jealous and dangerous. His anger at first only words later progressing to physical abuse. The first time he slapped me threw me for a loop. We were only dating a year when we got into our first huge fight. I can't recall what it was about but the sting of that memory still lingers, even after twenty three years.

As time went on his temper grew, usually over small things like missing spots on dishes or not putting something away. Then it got worse the physical transcended into sexual torture and emotional blackmail. Beating me down so low I didn't think I could ever climb out.

Three years I spent with this man, believing his lies . Telling me over and over I was worthless , fat and pitiful. And that my own family didn't even want me. I was alone . What really made me want to leave though was when I was pregnant with our daughter. We had gotten into an argument over something so stupid it just doesn't even make sense to me to mention. But what really made me start thinking of an escape route is when he grabbed me by the throat at six months pregnant strangling me as I dangled in the air.

It would take almost a year before i would get the courage to leave . After all the beatings and name calling , the sexual abuse suffered at the hands of this man , I knew I had to go, I just didn't know when or how. Then one night during a party the opportunity presented itself. JP went on a beer run. It was at that time I knew I had to act quickly.

So as fast as I could I packed as much stuff as I could carry and I left in the dead of night while he was out. I managed to make it about a mile and a half when i saw head lights approaching. Scared I continued to walk faster fearing that he had found me. Thankfully it was a concerned stranger . At first I was just going to keep walking and just find a phone . But the more I thought about it the more I felt safer just taking the ride with the stranger. Luckily this stranger was a blessing and not a lesson. He brought me home to my mom and wished me good luck.

Fast forward twenty three years..

I am now forty two years old married to a good man with seven kids and two grandchildren . It took me twenty of those years to forgive JP. But I have never forgotten nor will I ever forget. I spent ten years in therapy because of the abuse suffered and even a month in a psychiatric hospital. And to this day I still have nightmares. But i am okay . I am persevering and staying focused and positive.

My message to anyone in a abusive relationship is this. Get out. No matter how hard and how much you love them. Love alone will not change them. Only they can change themselves. You are so much more than a verbal and physical punching bag. Don't let someone else's darkness dim your light.