Opening New Chapters In Life

When I read a book, a chapter ends and a new one begins.

It's the same with my life.

I feel that I am at the end of several bad chapter's in my life. I have:

• - Been through a horrible period of violence that never seemed to end.
• - Dealt with a long haul of mental health problems.
• - Suffered from many painful losses that I didn't deserve.
• - Lost home after home to a point where I thought I'd always be in hostels and on the streets
• - Been continuously used and abused.
• - Kept myself socially isolated myself for many long years because of worries my past might reoccur.
• - I have spent almost my entire life in a closet for fear of suffering more bullying regarding my sexual orientation.

• - Suffered from emotional pain from childhood trauma since I was very young.
• - I've avoided many friendships because of being treated like I am different in comparison to everyone else.

I have spent much of my past in and out of mental health hospitals, and being treated for a variety of different problems that I never asked for.

However, today I finally realized that,

it's not happening now.

It hasn't been easy coming around to this way of thinking. I still walk down the street and feel nervous when someone is behind me, and I can still feel anxious when I talk to a stranger.

Here is a fact that not everybody in my life agrees with.

The fear is a result of what happened to me, and not me as a person.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again.

Nobody can erase their memories. There is no magic wand, but a person shouldn't have to punish themselves or feel like she/he has to prove her or himself to everyone; particularly those who never saw or felt, what that person has been through.

A person has the right to rebuild their lives after trauma, and live a normal life just as a person who has never dealt with it.

So, I'm closing the long, horrible chapter in my past, and opening a new one filled with new goals and dreams.

Currently, I'm writing, training to be a singer, keeping fit, and trying new things I have never tried.

I'm going to attempt to end my fear of flying by getting on a plane and learning to manage it too.

I've already managed to rebuild some friendships that were lost through trauma, and those friendships have turned out to be closer than they have ever been.

I've published my first paperback, and I am working harder than ever on writing more.

I have learned to decorate, but not in the traditional way everyone else follows.

My home is being colored. Why do it all plain when everyone else does the same?

Life comes with trauma and difficulties, but surely that does not mean I have to treat myself or be treated like a criminal.

I am not a criminal at all. I am a lady who has been through a lot but is trying hard to live my life to the full and I deserve to.

People who have been through trauma shouldn't be expected to hide it. They should be able to experience what they feel without being shamed.

They should not have to live their entire lives having that trauma pushed down their throats either, or be accused of lying just because they try to build a more positive life and seem happy.

We all have our problems in life, but we have to learn to accept some people have been through many tragic times but that doesn't mean we have to live a life of misery just because you don't believe us when we are happy.

Life is a journey.

Looking after our mental health does not mean we forget, but it helps us to close the book on one bad chapter, and start another that may just be the best chapter we have ever written, for us, not for them.