Once More With Feeling: What I've Learned after Meditating over Half My Life
It wasn't always easy, but it changed my life.
I first started meditating when I was 12 years old. At that time, I always thought that life was out to ‘get me’. I never truly felt settled, particularly in school. I was never bullied, but I did feel pressure to be wary of my words or what I did, as it would not be met with the most understanding of companies.
Following my less than stellar English exam results when I was 12 years old, I was enrolled in extracurricular English lessons, outside of school. The idea of having to attend an hour of ‘school’ on my Sunday did not sit well with me. I resented my parents or whoever would drive me there every week, but there was one moment I always looked forward to: meditation.
The Calm after the Storm
I remember entering my English lesson flustered and angry. I really didn’t want to be there. I wanted what was left of my weekend, not remind myself of the school week ahead. My teacher saw this. She could sense I was ‘off’. So she sat me down, told me to close my eyes, and focus on my breathing. Within moments I already felt better.
After some time, meditation had eroded the hard rock that was my ego. It had awoken a new way of experiencing life, a far more abundant and expansive one than I could fathom. There was more to meditation than just calming down and much more I had to uncover.
Letting go
The reason why I think meditation works is because it has helped me to exercise my ‘let-go muscle’. At its core, meditation is a feeling exercise. The more I can feel myself letting go in meditation, the freer I feel to be myself in everyday life. It’s a practice game.
The more I do, the better I become.
I liken it to a hot air balloon, letting go of the heavy anchor that keeps me from soaring. Whether it’s people, baggage, memories or fears that have been holding me back, if they do not serve me nor who I aspire to be, then I make a point to not pack it as my luggage.
We all have the ability to access and be our best selves once we let go of the things that go against our natural vibes. Meditation has helped me access this.
When I go a few days without meditating, I really feel it. I’m ‘off my game’. I’m more pessimistic and closed-minded, I dwell more and am resentful towards life. I’m human. I’ll have these days from time to time, but I do not stay there.
Returning Home
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place”
— Paulo Coelho
When I return to my true self I make way for the person I want to be to enter. Holding onto the pain of the past means bringing it into my future.
Even on my bad days, meditation has brought me a calmness that I have not experienced elsewhere. The storms of life have a way of testing us, tempting us to sway off our path, but when the right anchors are set in place, new possibilities begin to open. Find what brings out the best in you, then fully let go into it. Every day brings a new beginning.
Start again, once more…with feeling.
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