NPD: Tantrums, Slapping, and Egging My House

Narcissists are on another level of immature. Their inner being is akin to a juvenile delinquent. Ruthless, lawless, unapologetically disobedient. Narcs think they can do, say, and act however they fancy with no consequences.

Due to their defense systems that make them narcissistic in the first place, narcs cannot seem to reflect on their behavior and see themselves objectively.

They have created a false self: a grandiose idealized version of themselves, where they truly believe that they are blameless and far more important than everyone else.

The narcissist observes a consistent pattern of out-of-control behaviors. Ironically, narcs being the control freaks that they are, actually suck at controlling anything, other than people and conversations.

Narcs know no boundaries. They love to push limits, often in careless and dangerous ways, with little to no foresight of consequences. But because the narc is an adult, this is not a cute developmental milestone. They are dangerously immature.

Tantrums

The way the narc chooses to handle situations is really a telltale of their emotional maturity level. Narcs throw tantrums. They blow the f up out of nowhere, over the littlest things. You likely are taken aback, wide-eyed, and confused as to how an adult is acting this way. And you just pause and stare at them for a moment, wondering if they are serious. Oh yes, love, they are serious. Seriously messed up.

Word salad

He/she rants and raves. Incoherent word salad. Gaslighting, projection, blame-shifting, screaming in your face. Narcs don’t have to make any sense when going off on you. In fact, they love it when you are baffled, defending yourself, engaging in their chaos. Hook, line, and sinker, you took the bait.

The combative narcissist gets their fight. You desperately search for logic or compromise. The narc backs you into a corner in which there is no way out of. He keeps going until he wears you down. There is no win. Misery loves company and the narc wants you miserable. They straight up get off on this.

Name-calling

Name-calling is a classic go-to. Narcs love to belittle others. In the heat of an argument, they’ll spout off calling you an idiot, a bitch, a loser, a whore, etc. There will be more name-calling during a quarrel than any form of coherent discussion.

“Jokes”

And then there is the juvenile name-calling that is a supposed “joke”. Narcs, often unwittingly to others, give rude immature nicknames to just about everyone they know, friend or foe. Fat Tina. Alcoholic Bob. Suicide Megan. The fact that these nicknames are not funny and are highly insensitive is another good indicator of the narc’s maturity level.

They minimize (it was a joke!), deflect (why are you so sensitive?), and then blame-shift/ gaslight (you have no sense of humor.) The narc not only lacks boundaries but gets a kick out of making insensitive jokes at others’ expense.

Egging

My ex narcissist would throw eggs. Literally. Like a juvenile delinquent. This happened on 3 occasions. Not ironically, when I first went to his house, there was old yellow dried-up egg residue on one of the walls. He blamed it on his ex-girlfriend’s kids. Months later, during an argument at his house, he took eggs out of the refrigerator and began throwing them at me. I was shocked. For one, it actually hurts getting hit with flying eggs. For two, I could not believe what was happening. Another time, he egged my car. After I had my daughter (his baby), I moved to a new home, and he egged our front door.

Slapping/hitting

Narcissists are quick to slap or hit when they experience narcissistic rage or even frustration. While maybe not all narcs are inherently physically violent, emotional regulation is a major issue. Narcs are incredibly immature. Things tend to turn volatile rather quickly.

Narcs exercise very little self-control, slapping/hitting to assert dominance. Or as another shock factor. Narcs are merciless, chaotic beings who go entirely too far with everything, in an unaware haze of self-glory. Retaliation against whatever transgression they perceived.

Anything they do, they’re going to blame on you anyway. So, this is not too surprising. In their mind, they are always justified. Like a kid saying, “she did this/that to me first!”

Except you are dealing with a grown adult. One who scarily doesn’t seem to possess the emotional maturity to restrain him/herself from crossing the line. This is an adult who can do a lot more damage than a kid could. And wouldn’t bat an eyelash. They feel within their right to handle things this way.

Cognitive dissonance plays a big role in your confusion here. Because you see a grown adult in front of you, who you love. But their behavior is so shockingly immature and toxic, it is a mind-bender. Stay strong. Know what you know about being an adult in relationships. Don’t let anyone flip the script and continually treat you badly. You are not responsible for raising them. Leave the situation and find an emotionally intelligent partner.