No One Dies Here Tonight

"No One Dies Here Tonight"

A Murder

A Mother

A Search for Justice

This Is MY True Story

The sound of a heart monitor, and I quickly became acutely aware of the thumping beats of my heart, like a set of drums to a tune played on my phone. However, there were no accompanying instruments and my phone wasn't playing itunes.

I came to the emergency room because I felt like I was running while sitting in my comfortable living room chair. I reluctantly put the monitor on my finger that checked my oxygen levels, and it also recording my heart rate. It was 198, and I knew I was in trouble, and I told my husband I had to go to the hospital. I had no idea what was in store for me, and how it would change my life. I had so many changes in my life recently, and I was not ready for anymore, but I was in trouble, and I knew that. I drew on my nurses training from when I was 19, and I knew the typical heart rate ran about 72 beats a minute, so I knew I was in some type of trouble. I also had periodic pains in my jaw, like my mother described when she had her coronary.

This just couldn't be happening to me, - Not Now- Not In The Middle Of My Journey.

The sound of the heart monitor continued, and the feel of sterile stiff sheets, sent a shiver through my entire body, wondering what could be happening to me. As I tried to move my arm, I became increasingly aware of the pinch of the needle taped into my arm and the intervenous bag that hung above my head. The port in my other arm that went into a vein to draw blood out of, was taped to my arm. A nurse quietly drew the blood and remained calm as she withdrew the needle. I looked downward acutely aware of what she was doing, although I admit I did not know why, and no I didn't ask either. I felt like I had lost control over single thing around me. My husband stood quietly at the foot of the cot, that I laid on. He had a grim look on his face, and that fightened me a little, but then again I felt like I had very little control over what was going on around me.

The only control I felt was the feel of my iPhone in my right hand. A concerned voice echoed the room, "Doctor,we have cardiac enzymes". I took my hand and slid my iPhone on the bed. I focused to type in the search bar, "cardiac enzymes". No please, it says my heart is being damaged. I'm having a heart attack. I couldn't believe what was happening. It was like I was watching one of the medical shows on TV, like ER, but it was real, and it was me. It was all too real.

Instantly, I realized I wasn't ready to join my baby boy, not quite yet. I had a mission to accomplish. Without hesitation, I sat up and looked at the doctor and commanded, "Don't you let me die!!!!!!!!" I haven't found the son of a bitch that killed my baby yet. I have found Anthony McDonald yet." The doctors reply will always be a part of me and my journey, for he quickly said, "No One Dies Here Tonight." With that he proceeded to save my life. He explained the shot he was about to give me in the IV, would stop my heart for fifteen seconds and then reboot it, lowering my heart beat to a normal rhythm from the now one hundred ninety eight beats a minute it was now beating.

I looked to my right, and the nurse already had the syringe in the IV port ready to go. He nodded at her and she hit the plunger. He told me that I would feel kind of funny for the fifteen seconds I was without a beating heart. I felt like the earth was literally crumbling around me, and I felt like I was helpless to do anything about it. I felt like I was dangling off a cliff, in a free fall and was helpless to save myself. I felt like I was swinging on a rainbow and couldn't get off. It was a feeling I will never forget.

After four days in the hopital and an operation to put a stint in my heart, that was aborted in lieu of a heart by pass, and another operation to put that stent in my heart that was suppose to go in on the first operation. The emergency room doctor that originally saved my life was not the cardiologist that wanted to do the heart by pass. I learned something about the healthcare system today. "Be your own advocate"- It Might Just Save Your Life". It turns out that I only had 29% lung function at that time, and the cardiologist did not check my records. I refused the heart by pass, and then they did check my records. His reply was, "Good thing you said something, you have less than 40%.". Be your own advocate, the life you save might be your own.

After a brief recuperation period, I was back on the trail, looking for justice, most likely to law enforcement's dismay. Many people felt that after the heart attack, I would stop what I had been doing the past year. However, I personally did not have a doubt, that nothing short of finding my son's murderer would ever satisfy me.

What I didn't know at that time,was what a profound effect my journey and my mission would have on so many and in so many ways. Even today, almost a decade later, I am ever so surprised at how many people still remember what happened to my son and the mother that just wouldn't give up.

I would find that having a heart attack, and taking the medications that would prevent me from having another one and dying, would also change my appearance, but also gave me a deeper appreciation for the things that mattered, including finding justice.

This Is My True Story

Susan E Payton