NIGHTMARE STATE OF MIND..

I'm alive, I'll always do what's right,

I survived, not giving up tonight,

a lot of my time, spent fighting my own mind,

my only true enemy, brutal, toughest, fighting dirty,

it's ways punching hard, it's words it knows,

always the lowest of blows, those terrifying moments when,

I just don't know, always waiting, my weakest it grows,

all my deepest secrets, biggest fears, it knows, exactly what to throw,

Awake and in nightmare mode,

A personal horror movie, showing only for me,

never turned it on, can't turn it off, a continuous slide show,

my fears, no reality, no fact, the horrific worst case,

images I've never seen, crippling all the same,

way to close to home, a personal, subliminal show, nightmarish flashes,

using all my strength, to not bloody flinch,

some part of normal, forever growing, skills that mask pain,

no one cares to, they're to scared to,

belief in the unknown, most of them all, don't need, or want to know,

committed to ignoring myself, massive state of consciousness,

self hatred my life's, biggest anchor, growing real warrior strength,

my demon, that demoralising tough brute,

it fought so hard, i wasn't going to loose,

ripping that terrifying page, right out of my book,

leaving that evil prick, hog tied and gagged,

never being able to release, myself to full capacity,

a subliminal inner craving, used to being hated,

how do i escape, my worst only real, true enemy is me,

I've seen it all, my sick tiered soul,

it's done, emotionally surrendering, I'm never giving up,

blood soaked, beaten to a pulp, putting up, white flag,

something else take control, in with the new, out with the old,

letting my mind drive, only trusting part left inside,

most logical, the only licensed driver,

resiliently careful, knowing how, regaining control,

self love will grow, from belief's only seed,

locked the delusional side, thick doors, threw away the key,

always aware, maintaining myself, keeping me as me,

even in dark moments, i just don't know,

it waits, in my weakest it grows,

all my deepest secrets, biggest fears, it knows,

exactly what to throw, randomly shocked, jumping out at me,

and i hate surprises, structurally invisible, spiritually haunting,

no sleeping, awake in nightmare mode,

preying it lets go, releasing it's strong hold,

before the real me, usually quiet and stealth,

has had it's fill, ENOUGH, then I'll stand up,

my real life's beast, the good inside me,

a master of my art, backing myself, manning up,

tearing that evil side, a complete new hole,

new day, comes fast, completely whooped it's arse,

now I'm gladly alive, doing only what's mine,

ill be completely fine, 100% I'll be right,

always fought to survive, no weakness, never giving up on this fight,

exhausted and wasting time, fighting my own mind,

I totally kicked but, my demon, my toughest, an enemy worth fearing,

making peace, a truce, an alliance, no weak links in my chain,

once loathing, despised myself,

energy that once cursed, turning it 180 degrees,

a blessing in disguise, always have been kind,

built solid, pain's lesson's, setting to continuously repeat, a cycle, never wanted or needed,

putting up the gloves, now I'm all in,

every part of me, hardest hitting, best technique, ominous presence,

all along i knew, winning was my thing, especially with a corner man,

the mongrel from with in, i own this shit, this is my ring,

no competition should try, they wont, can't win,

set to kick heads, digging deep, a victory with in,

relentless, working hardest, my best challenge yet,

I earnt my throne, each podium they hurt, I bled to achieve,

always hunting the win, starting at the bottom,

I worked fluently, ruthlessly, fastest rise didn't stop, up here staring down,

my all time favourite spot, im on the top,

taking the champ's place, pain loosing it's belt,

nock them down fast, every time, they slowerlly get up,

like they're standing still, in a constant daze,

me I'm a cheetah, in this turtle race,

not a solitary contest, I'll always inspire, rise each, every time,

convincingly win, destructively obliterate, easily dominate,

making my once dreams, like a reality's truths,

legacy, from lowest rocky bottom's, all the way to the top,

all my worst fears, took them head on, enemies once stood tall,

until the growing pile, haters trying, wearing there smiling mask,

always with hands out, allowing the real them, pulling down their disguise,

hiding the demons face, continuously telling blatant lies,

a jackal, no real true colours, worming it's disgusting ways,

shaping all it has, so it looks like, an alpha king lion,

weaselling, sneaking attempting to find, opportunities, stand overs, con men,

man the front line, bringing them in to, staunch, demand,

not a weaknesses allowed, my I.Q 131, my mind a stealth, destruction

machine, good luck dumb cunt's, never able,

so why try to, manipulate, trying to mind fuck, open door's even scores,

a secret entrance underneath, no double cellar door,

stupidity's bitches, thinking why, degradation of there genetics,

falling right through cracks, evolutionally slipping right back,

an idea of grandeur, prolifically tyring angle after angle,

perceptively changing there spots, some one should've told them,

turtles don't have fur coats, slowerlly hitting them at home,

being dumb as a post, arrogance the only shine,

belief that they can, threatening to take what's mine,

realising there useless facade, randomly snapping one day,

realising lies don't work, not ever with me, won't yesterday, definitely can't

keep playing, a fool I can see, a clown or a jester, and I'm the king,

one more trying dive, lying through there teeth,

never working for them, strongest me, smartest me,

3 month's always trying, finally realising, I am a mental machine,

never beating, not even a place, couldn't get there then,

way to far away, my leads getting huge, I'm definitely not losing today,

frustrated, battered, bruised to the core,

losing there fighting spirit, opening there inner wall,

angrily introducing,

spontaneously rage's inner self, show's up every time,

life's bullies don't stop, consistently trying, dethroning the only king,

they want to be, never to grasp victory,

I've spent 30 years, in a civil war,

my brain it wanted, revolution against my heart,

now the peace treaty, well and truly under way,

all hands on deck, making sure, strength that never fades,

pains heavy weight belt, forever hanging above my fire place.

line of want to be's, stretching, bleeding, never to be complete,

pissing contest, only I'll ever win, king lion who never, sits down,

with bottom feeding jackals.