My Story

Most people question why I'm on my computer a lot or why I don't socialize often. The only response I can give is, "I don't like going places." In reality I do, it just scares me to step foot outside my house. Friends and family get mad at me for being scared to do simple everyday things, like driving a car for example, terrifies me.

Growing up to the age I am now was tough, it wasn't has hard as other people have it, but not having support from the people who you need it from and being confused as to why you're always scared is exhausting, but also scary. My father didn't know how to handle me and my anxiety so he tried his hardest to not speak to me or avoid me. My mother and father are divorced so my mom wasn't in the picture. I had a step-mother though, she didn't do much either except force me into therapy.

I can honestly say that was a good idea on her part, however you can't get help without wanting it. I didn't want it at the time, I was scared and thought they abandoned me. I thought they hated me because they didn't know how to take care of me anymore.

Anxiety is no joke, it's a real mental illness. There are different forms of it and I have General Anxiety Disorder. I'm scared of everything and anything no matter how small or big they are. In the past 2 years I have grown so much, I moved in with my grandparents who are doing their best to support me. My half-brother moved in with us a few months ago and we're supporting him as well.

When people think of anxiety they think, "you're just scared, you'll be fine." It's nothing like that, it's almost a form of another person inside of you holding you back from living your life. My experience is a voice telling me I can't over and over or don't do it. I have let this voice control my actions for the past 20 years. I'm turning 21 soon and I have the most control over it than I have in my whole life.

When you read this, I want you to think about everyone in the world and ask yourself if you know someone who suffers from anxiety. Do people show anxiety? No. Can you tell if they're beyond their limits? No. Doctors can confuse bi-polar disorder with anxiety/depression because there isn't much difference between the two in terms of the way you can act.

I want people to open up to others and ask how they are. Start thinking about if their day was rough and what little phrase you could say that can put a smile on their face. You don't need to know about their day, just say their hair looks nice, or their eyes are pretty, etc. That little phrase could brighten someone's whole day.

I like to think anxiety as another person within me. Another side, like everyone has a good and bad side, I have a good, bad, and anxious side. I want to befriend this side of me and to help her overcome her fears. I want to see her grow into someone that can say, "I can," instead of "I can't."

She is someone fragile, someone sensitive. You have to treat her with care, a little TLC. Believe in her, trust her, support her.

Growing up the way I did wasn't the best way to aid me. I can say that although I grew up the way I did, I turned out to be a pretty darn smart woman. I am going to school to become a counselor. I want to help others the way I didn't have. I want people to understand that no one, and I mean no one, is alone. Sometimes you have to reach out for support yourself, but a little goes a long way.

Thank you for reading my story.