My Disabled/ Partially Immobile Mother's Mental Health Is One Of My Top Priorities.

The feeling of powerlessness.

It's a feeling I am growing accustomed to when it comes to caretaking for my sick family. Between a sister struggling with her first round of chemo, a brother who can't eat solid food anymore, and an almost completely bedridden mother with Multiple Sclerosis, being powerless is a feeling that I have been forced to acknowledge a lot lately. And that is a feeling that can destroy someone like me. Or my poor mama.

I come from a long, long, line of intelligent, strong, fight-the-whole-fucking-world-and-WIN women. Men too. My grandfather refused chemo when he developed lung cancer, and while that was a very painful way to go, he went out on his own terms, in the home he had worked for his whole life. No one in my family is ever prepared to feel powerless - because we are action-takers and mountain-movers. We fight and thrash, seeking to make the most out of our lives in my family.

When my adventure-seeking mother, who worked 3 jobs to provide for 3 kids all by herself, did kickboxing, gymnastics, and walkabouts of all of America rapidly began to decline, it was like Chiron watching Achilles fall.

As hard as it was for me to see the strongest woman I've ever met lose her steam and become incapacitated, I could only imagine the feeling of loss she must be feeling. I mourned the loss of my mother's robust energy and verbose amount of wanderlust.

She had to be mourning what felt like the end of her journey and story.

I often catch her crying to herself, thrashing against her disease and in agony. She often says she has no control over her life anymore, and I know it's true. I try to provide, protect, care, and nurture her feeling of independence all at once. More times than I enjoy, the intentions clash. Her safety always wins. No matter how much we both cry over it.

She cries, every day, from both pain and depression and I don't tell her, for her sake, that she's not alone in that.

Can you imagine taking away the car keys of the woman who used to be a Long-Haul Truck Driver, who used to take me on weeks-long excursions across America, checking out Historic sites, ancient graveyards, secret small little towns (mostly the HAUNTED ones!!)? I never dreamed it'd come to this.

I've made it my personal mission to provide her with PLENTY of things that make her happy. And I am not the only one. Her wish is mine and my dad's command. And I've developed a knack for helping mom be a little happier.

This article is dedicated to the caretakers who need a few ideas on how to bring a little joy to their loved ones/patient's main place of dwelling.

First, it's helpful to know the triggers for depression, so that you can be counteractive and proactive against a spiral for the person you are caring for.

Boredom is the fastest route to depression. It will turn into discontent and restlessness - and often present as agitation, irritability, or perhaps blatantly obvious as sadness. A helpful hint for things to provide mental and emotional stimulants is diving deep into their favorite hobbies and interests. My mother loved music, traveling, arts and crafts, computer video games, lighthouses, crocheting, and puzzles. And as much as she can't grow a plant, or keep a plastic bamboo tree alive to save her life, she LOVES living plants.

My mom is pretty easy to provide entertainment for. But company and loneliness are still a battle we're struggling with. Feeling alone, unloved, forgotten, feeling like a burden and/or trapped are emotions that people who have become immobile often struggle with. I am limited in my ability to travel right now to be over there, and my kids are constantly sick. My mother's health is fragile, so even a cold could hospitalize her.

We are working on a solution. My brother-in-law lives with her in the meantime, to help care for her when he's not working.

Being cooped up in one place is a fast track for a spiral down the dark hole as well. It's important to change up their setting if they are completely immobile to keep it fresh. Make sure their main dwelling space has lots of natural light that fills the room. There is legitimate science about the effect of your surroundings on your moods. I learned a lot from her doctors by asking them questions on the subject of how to brighten her days up, and then I went on a deep dive on google about increasing one's happy feelings based on their environment. Thank you, Google, for having the answers to almost everything.

For the best result, lots of natural light, some houseplants, and bright happy colors. Make their space a warm, welcoming place. Have their favorite scents via aromatherapy devices, and have their favorite pictures and memories visible on the walls and on display.

Designate a space that isn't their main space for them to be able to go to as often as they can/want to.

Helpful Example and Guide To Bringing Joy To Your Patient That Can Be Done From Bed Or A Comfy Chair:

If you're lucky enough to have an artsy type as the person you are caring for there are limitless things you can bring to them that they can do from the comfort of their designated space.

Mom has always expressed her love of weaving and crocheting. So it was only natural that I buy her an assorted variety of looms for her enjoyment. This beginners loom set has all the tools a beginner (or even an expert) needs to loom small coasters and mats.

And then I got her a small tapestry loom for the days she's feeling extra motivated. I better get the first rug she makes.

That being said she can't make anything without supplies. The obvious answer was 1300 yards of assorted yarn.

Mom in her past life used to make beanies for pre-mature infants and cancer patients. She recently lost her set of beanie looms and she was sad that she couldn't do that again. The moment she said something, I was on Amazon to order her a new set of beanie looms in varying sizes, with some pompom makers (she loves making those stupid fuzzy balls that go on the beanies.

And Mom loves nature and gardens. I'm pretty sure her aura siphons the life out of all plant life around her, but I am going to try very hard to keep the succulent or plant I choose for this little window shelf alive.

My mom also suffers from extreme memory loss phenomenons, waking some days not knowing where she's currently living, whose house she's in, or if her and my dad are still even married. That's ROUGH. Usually, these episodes are until she goes to sleep again, and well.. she has insomnia. So in order to have information right on hand for her to be able see at all times, I have ordered her a magnificent whiteboard to adorn her wall.

It's big enough to have my brother's work schedule, her Dr. Appointment reminders, the information where Dad is (active military has him gone a lot), and leave just enough room for my girls to draw cute pictures for her to look at every time we go. It's comforting for her when she wakes up with no memories, and she's scared.

She also has access to a Roku Telly, fiber internet, and access mobile apps and games, constant communication with me via an iPad, an iPhone, and a sweet laptop dad bought her for her birthday.

It's still a work in progress, and of course I'd LOVE some helpful tips from fellow caretakers out there. Leave them in the comments. Thanks for reading my article guys, and I hope it helps. Good luck, and I pray for a thousand blessings for all those find their way to this article.

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