My Angle

I am writing this all because of my wife, she thought me about life, and how to live this life. What life is about?

Let me tell you something about myself and my wife before the story.

I used to be a writer, I wrote short stories, poems, and dialogues but no one encouraged me for what I did, very few people liked my work, one of them was Tina she used to read my books, my blogs and so on.

She would message me on Face book and one day we planned to meet in a restaurant. I was like writing a short poem, on the beautiful restaurant and she entered in. Wow, she looked so gorgeous in that pink Kurti, and a pretty smile that I forgot the restaurant poem and my heart started to make a poem on her.

She was very happy to see me and she went on talking about my work and I was so blank, I rarely remembered my own writings so just kept seeing her. After some time she asked me “are you writing something now” and I was like “hmmm.. yeah something…. on you ho no…. on restaurant…, yes this place”

Then she said something I never thought of like “I like you’re writing that I read all your writings and I even follow you on Facebook, your blog… ho my god! I don’t believe I am seeing you….. I even like you the way I like your work…..like… I…. love your work…..I…..Love….. You”.

I was like, really…. am I hearing what I think I am, wow…. She was looking at me and how could anyone say no to such a beautiful lady and I said “I like you too… but ..you don’t know me completely” and she said “come on there is no one who can know you more than me, I have been following you from past four years”

“Do you know that….. I … drink, drink very hard, I am a drunkard, I like you, I fell in love with you as soon as you entered that door but I will never be right to anyone…. I am happy that you read my work and follow my blog, please do continue that” and I started to walk out.

“No one walks out through me like that, and I said I follow you, just doesn’t mean only your work I have followed you many places you have visited and the recent controversy, I know why it happened, so I guess you can’t walk out off like that, can we speak,” she said in anger.

After that I had no choice, we spoke for a long time, tried to tell it was not a good idea but not more than twice and finally, we ended up deciding to get married.

Soon, we got married and she left her family, friends for me. Everything…, everything just for me and I could not leave my drinking, one and the only thing I had to leave.

We left the city, after few months of marriage, she left her job also and become a beautician and opened a shop just next to home.

To try and control my drinking, she used to give me drinks but only one glass per day and I used to get so mad a few times, I broke things and even hit her but still, she was there for me with lots of love.

She never let me go out of her sight, so I don’t go someplace and have a lot of drinks and spoil but I insulted her dragged, and pushed her around.

She used to take me to the doctor and gave me medicine but I shouted and throw away the tablets and spoil my own health.

Ran away many times to get to be a drunkard and she would always come to pick me up in the worst of me.

We spent two years, I kept hurting her and she kept caring for me, one day it happened so, that I got a liquor bottle and wanted to drink it fully and Tina was stopping me from drinking it and I just forced all my power to push her off and opened the bottle and started gulping the liquor at once till it was empty.

Then I felt like, the whole world was turning around me, my stomach was hurting and everything around me was like moving to and fro and up and down things was so, so bad and I started vomiting in the center of the hall, I took out everything I had in my lunch with the liquor I drank, but then Tina was still there to help me, clean me and put me back to bed.

The next day when I got up Tina was not there in the house, I felt very bad that my drinking practice hurt Tina all the time.

I thought she finally gave up fighting for me and with me to get this habit out of me. I felt like ending my life, I was of no use but Tina came back and I could not believe my eyes she was back and I promised her I will never hurt her and love her more than ever.

But a once drunkard will always be a drunkard, so, I couldn’t control myself with one glass a day and wanted more. It was very hard for me to control my mind, my body, my thoughts…. god, I escaped out, but this time not to drink, I planed of killing myself rather than being a burden to my wife.

Luckily, I happened to meet the doctor who was treating me and she said she wants to talk to me and it was very important, so I happened to go to her clinic and she gave me the shocking news.

“You know, Tina loves you so much and wants you always to be with her, recently there was news that her father passed away and you don’t even know, that she visited her home and took part in the rituals of her father, her mother asked Tina to come back but she returned to you”

“After four days, like…. Yes on Thursday, she happened to meet with an accident and both her kidneys are damaged, she has to go for dialysis once every week and I don’t know how long will she be able to do that”.

Dr took a pause, when I was like, what have I done? Dr started again “though she was in pain and I was telling such a hard truth of her life, she was happy when I asked her she said, My husband has changed, he cannot drink a full bottle of liquor at a time now, I have brought it down to one and only one”, (Dr smiled and said) she was not worried about her health she was only worried about you, and if she is right even I am happy for you, but now it is your turn to take care of her, all she has is you, you have to be her support when she is in pain”.

I couldn’t speak a word, I was all tears and walked out fell here and there in sorrow like a drunkard but I had not taken even one sip.

It was me who had to die not Tina; she fought so hard for me. I have to get her back to normal I have to make her live, Tina used to say love can make people live or die but it is you who has to think and know which is life and which is death.

Now, I know which one is life and I know, my love for her will make her live like the way she made my life.

Ever since then I was so cautious about her health, her medicines, and dialysis that I forgot all my sorrows and my liquor love, I had been so busy or rather my mind and thoughts were so busy of taking care of Tina, loving her with all my heart, that I forgot myself and my love to liquor.

But as they say, our doings will return back to us and I think that’s why something went wrong with her dialysis one day which put her into a lot of health issues and pain that she was hospitalized for 10 days.

Though doctors said she is responding well to the medicine I could see the pain in her eyes and smile, that she spread on her face to not let me down.

She had almost turned to a skeleton and her skin had turned dark and not even her own mother could recognize her.

On the 10th day, I knew that she was done and all I could say was my last promise that I will never drink again and love her for the rest of my life. Then a final thank you and a smile, the last words on her lips I…(inhaling as much as she could)… love…(inhaling as much as she could) you, with a lot of breathing difficulty, then she closed her eyes to never open it again.

Guys, she was the angel of my life and I lost her forever. I think everyone has an angel in their life that comes to help them at risk. Things that are said to be “not good” are never good, Just to get a few minutes of relaxation don’t lose your life. Just to have a partner of no questions don’t get deported from your own soul. Just to look royal don’t fall apart on-road and die.

Know what bad things, like this can do to you, to your other things and people around you. It will not only harm you but put you on road, the relationships and friends suffer because of this, and maybe you get killed when you drink and drive or kill someone innocent.

Does all this risk is required for just a few minutes of relaxation and partnership, think….., where, this is never going to answer any of your questions or solve anything for you, never talk to you, and never support or help you.

After you wake up things will remain the same as they were before or even worse. So love real people and healthy things and take care of yourself and your loved ones.

By

Sindhu shree