Mental Illness Hits Home

My name is Susan. I grew up in the suburbs of Westchester County,NY. I attended public schools with my two siblings of my sister a year apart from me and my brother younger by four years. My first recollection of something not right with a family member was when my sister no longer attended public school with myself and brother.

My sister was presenting behavioral issues in school, and the administrators requested she be sent to an alternate school where they specialized in the behavior. I remember feeling very sad and not knowing what was happening to my sister, who I loved very much. As a family we continued to go about our day to day life, and did the best we could under the circumstances.

As my family adapted to this change, life was not easy as I grew into my preteen age, I began to notice that our family was stressed out due to finances , and constant arguing and yelling/screaming over this. I became very emotional at times over not having the basic necessities I needed to attend school and just hygiene items were lacking.

I displayed sadness/depression at school and at home I would lash out at not having what I needed for school.Dues to not having what I needed, I was bullied from 5th grade to my junior year in high school, where I dropped out to seek employment.

My sister's behavior seemed to grow worse as she was reaching her teen years and she would say and do things that were out of her character. For instance, I remember one day she was laying on her bed rocking back and forth and she would continue the rocking motion until she tired herself out.

My sister would urinate in her clothes and not care for herself such as bathe or eat regular meals and began to lose weight. I remember my sister saying she wanted to blind herself with lye . I think it is some form of chemical that is strong and can do severe damage if not used properly. She licked a stick of deodorant in front of me a swung from a chandelier in our dining room. My mother grew frustrated by the behavior and one day took matters into her own hands by doing the unthinkable to my sister.

I never questioned my mother in what she said or did, and when I saw this, I was upset and i think I cried. My mother took care of the household as my father worked during the day. My mother wanted to take a shower and felt my sister was a danger to herself and myself and younger brother during this time, and decided to take some rags and tie my sisters hands behind her back and gag her with a balled up bunch of rags i believe or socks balled up. I do not remember all the details of the material she used for gagging my sister.

I cried and wanted to help my sister and I think I went over to her while my mother was in the shower and untied her from the restraints and then put them back on when I heard the shower water turn off. I was afraid of my mother and this scared me a great deal. My mother was born and raised in Ireland and they have strict upbringing she once shared with us.

I remember that day once my father arrived home my mother mentioned to him she wanted my sister put away and that meant locked up in a mental institution. I didn't know what to feel or say I believe I was in shock. As the EMS arrive to take my sister to be evaluated, I remember looking out the window and crying so hard and watching my father and sister drive away.

All we could do was wait and I was broken from having my best friend my sister who shared a bedroom with, since a young age, was taken from our home. My father arrived home without my sister and mentioned she was given a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. I had no knowledge of mental illness during this time and don't remember asking what does this mean or anything.

My family had to continue to go about our lives and I kept this a secret from my peers at school and everyone . I was withdrawn , quiet, and sad at school. My father received a letter of the institution my sister was sent to after her stay at the first hospital for evaluation. The hospital was located upstate and we visited her and the visits were hard especially on my mother as she mentioned she wanted my sister out of the institution and back home.

The good news was a weekend pass was issued at the institution for good behavior and my sister earned a pass to come home one weekend. The visit was good and we all enjoyed her spending the short visit back home with the family. We took her shopping, out to eat. and then back home. The visit turned horrible the second day as the medication ran out and the behaviors returned.

The first situation was my sister was experiencing hallucination or delusions, as she thought a man was in her bed with her raping her. Another time we are having a conversation during the night and getting along and suddenly she excused herself to use the bathroom. I waited for her to come back to bed and got up and noticed the front door wide open and my sister not anywhere in the house. I rushed to wake my father who was sleeping, and mentioned what happened he rushed to get dressed .

I was worried and as he left the house with no clue to where she could be, something told him to walk straight down the street to where a middle school was I attended that had a stream and my sister was there. My father was very upset when he brought her back home as she was soaking wet and the weather was cold and in the Fall season. My sister had bare feet and a light short sleeve pajama outfit on .

My father attempted to reach out to the institution to have someone pick her up to return her as we could not manage her with out her medicated. My heart breaks everyday and wonder where she is today 2020. The mental institutions closed down in 2003 I believe, and the mentally ill that resided in these institutions were sent to group homes and other residential care facilities. I have no information on her at all.

I began to research the topic of mental illness /disorders, many years later, and found the illness my sister was diagnosed with, one of the most debilitating ones anyone could have. I too have a mental illness, as my brother and parent's . I feel sharing ones story can help others who have a loved one/ones suffering with a mental illness, that are fearful of sharing there story.

There are great treatment options and methods, to bring some normalcy back to ones life who have mental illness. There are many medications that treat mental illness and offer relief to help with symptoms.

mental illness is a brain disease and can be treated. Thank you for reading my story .