Mental Health:

In school we learn things like the alphabet, how to spell, how to use a calculator - The basic things we need to know to function in life. But sadly, there is one pivotal thing very few people are taught. That thing is psychology. Many people go through life without truly understanding themselves or other people. They don’t know how to think well or manage their emotions. Most people don’t know that change or that improvement in mental health is possible.

If you can get some insight in to why you are the way you are and how your life experience shape and effect you, you have the awareness you need to change. During our earliest years, we absorb everything in our environment. The way we are treated and what is demonstrated to us shapes our thoughts and view of the world. When we have experiences that are less than optimal, they have an effect and get “stuck” inside us, until we can either regulate or heal them. There are a myriad of ways this can manifest, causing us to close over and develop coping mechanisms. Low self esteem, being highly critical, fears/phobias, depression, anxiety, social awkwardness are just a few examples of ways those negative experiences can show up. People develop ways of dealing with the pain it’s caused. Again, there are numerable ways to do this. Addictive substances or behaviours, like drugs, alcohol, food, sex or gambling are commonly used to numb and escape from our discomfort. Other times we project our judgements on to others instead of acknowledging our own less desirable traits within ourselves. Knowing why you are the way you are helps you have more understanding, compassion and empathy for yourself and others. You can look at others, and instead of getting triggered, you can see them as another human, doing their best to cope.

When you understand the process of change, anything is possible. Our minds are “plastic” according to the science of neuroplasticity. This means that our brains are mouldable and changeable. We can restructure our thought process in a positive direction, literally training ourselves to think thoughts that make us mentally healthy and content. You can see how negagive experiences shaped you, and choose new, positive thoughts and behaviours that serve you. For example, if you are anxious, you can start exploring the thoughts and feelings you experience when you are anxious. Figure out things that trigger it. You may find that if social situations trigger your anxiety, you may have had negative experiences in a social setting and developed some not so healthy thought patterns around that. Let’s say you where bullied at school and from that you developed a belief that people won’t like you. So now, even if you are with nice people, that same trigger may pop up, and you start feeling anxious. Over time you can start to recognise that feeling, realising that it’s not everyone will be mean to you, especially if you behave in a calm, calibrated way. As you continue to develop your social skills, the triggers will lessen. You will literally be reshaping your mind with positive, confident thoughts. Those anxious, fearful neural pathways will weaken and won’t bother you as much.

If you have an understanding of your emotional body, you have more skills and resilience to deal with life’s challenges. When you experience big feelings such as fear, anxiety, overwhelm, apathy etc, you will have the skills to help you regulate them. When you know how to feel your emotions, you are able to sit with the feeling as it washes over you. In the moment it may be intense, but usually starts to soften after a little while. Over time, this can help you manage mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Its not always easy to look at the uncomfortable parts of ourselves. It’s not always easy to look into our flaws and past pain, nor is the process of change linear. We are like onions with many layers to peel back as we go through the ups and downs of life. The most stable change happens gradually, but it’s well worth the persistence and the wait.