Losing a Granddaughter to Addiction- Bonnie’s Story

This is a very sad story.

My friend Era told me about Bonnie and the story about her granddaughter, Ella. Bonnie was kind enough to talk to me on the phone. It is a fresh wound and I truly appreciate her taking the time to share her granddaughter’s story. The events and the loss is still very upsetting to Bonnie. She knew she will get a phone call one day, she thought that phone call will be about her kids not Ella. She never suspected Ella taking anything. It was a complete shock for the family. I ask Bonnie if she could tell me about her granddaughter. It was 8 days before her 31st birthday. Ella had a 6-year-old son. She died on April 11th from a cardiac arrest. The family was trying to figure out how did that happen at her age. Then the tox screen come back and they found out what Ella had drugs in her system. It was a shock and felt that she just died all over again. Bonnie thinks Ella had been taking drugs since she had a c-section. It made her feel good, it does not take much time to get addicted to Oxycontin. Maybe a week.

Nobody knew what Ella was doing, there is a lot of guessing in the family. They think she bought pills on the street and she happened to get one of those pills that had Fentanyl in it. She died instantly of a Fentanyl and Oxycontin overdose. Ella was home alone with her son, she took the pill and she fell on the floor, he did not know what to do what was wrong with her, he started screaming and the man who lived on the other side of their duplex came over. He tried to revive her and called 911, they took her to the hospital, it did not work. We all left with this mess Bonnie adds and a child who has no mother. It’s been a terrible, terrible time.

The child has been living with Bonnie since the death of his mother. He will be going to live with his father when school starts. Bonnie is not really happy about this, but not much she can do. She is concerned because the father had his own drug issues. The family is watching him very closely. He knows it, they had this conversation with him. She will go to court if there is any sign of use. They are both keeping a diary every day the child is with them; this was recommended by the lawyer they have. In case they ever have to go to court to try to get custody of him. He has been cooperative and thankful for Bonnie. She feels they did everything imaginable for Ella to get through life. When she had he baby and she was not married, she lived with Bonnie’s daughter for 3 years, did not have to pay rent.

Now looking back Bonnie thinks Ella used that money for drugs. At the time they just thought she was not making enough money. Bonnie is mostly doing ok, but there are many days when she cries a lot. She is ok when her great grandson is there, but when she is alone it is difficult, and she will be seeing a therapist soon. It is been about 5 months now, it had been so overwhelming for the family, that they could barely function. Bonnie calls Ella the master of disguise and lies. When the child’s father was going through drug stuff Ella would not even let him see their son, she was so upset for him using. Ella would not let him see his son until he went to rehab, he did go. She told Bonnie how upsetting it was when her child’s father was using drugs and she did not want her child to see that. Now they find out Ella was using pills during that time too. Nobody knew, none of her friends knew, family had been hacking into her accounts of social media and e-mail and found no reference for use. Ella was living this secret life and Bonnie thinks a lot of other people might be doing that. Ella was working two jobs, she had her own little business, and worked at a store as a salesperson. Her workplace loved her. She was a great salesperson. Ella was a functioning drug addict. She was going to be in trouble financially very soon. She was not paying her bills, not renewing her car tabs, not buying car insurance, not taking care of her business insurance and about to lose health insurance through the state both for herself and her son. All these things were going to come down on top of her. Family had no idea about all the money she owned on visa cards and lines of credit. They had been trying to reconstruct her life and they feel very bad that they did not picked up on it that something wrong. There is a lot of guilt of failing her. She was her only grandchild. Bonnie thinks Ella would be still alive if she had not met the father of her child. Bonnie suspects that he did not treat her well, went through with him using drugs, she got no financial support from him. Bonnie’s daughter has no child and her great grandson has no mother. Bonnie’s mother died when she was 8 in childbirth and she knows what it is to grow up without a mother.

Bonnie feels that we need to get rid of the Fentanyl, the bad Fentanyl she calls it that is coming from China through the post office.

The government needs to work on what is coming into this country. Bonnie asserts that we need to find a way to examine packages that come through the post office. Maybe dogs to check the packages. As long as there is a demand there will be a supply. They will figure out where to get it as long as people are on drugs. If we stop the supply people will eventually have to get clean and have to get off of the drugs. She feels it has gone too far. Bonnie had a recent experience after surgery. She was getting ready to go home and the physician assistant (PA) came in and gave her a prescription to hydrocodone, she told her she can’t take it because it makes her throw up. She told her just take it anyway, the PA told her just take it, she told her I don’t want it, she told her just take it. She took it, she brought it home, immediately ground it up because she did not want it to have it in her house. She told another PA about this incident after her granddaughter died. She feels this is why we have a drug problem. She asked the PA to talk about this in the office. The PA exactly knew which provider she was talking about. Bonnie didn’t want a prescription like that automatically. She took it because she did not want to argue with the PA. She feels like the doctors have a great responsibility when prescribing to do this appropriately. She is wondering what we did before all this drug for pain in the 50’s and 60’s? This pushing medication was nonexistent.

Bonnie feels like people need to be highly educated when it comes to addictions, effects, be responsible, a lot of information is needed.

The general population is weak and just want a pill to fix something. There is a need to change the mentality of people through education in the schools, at the doctor’s office. Don’t even manufacture Oxycontin. Morphine in the hospital if needed. People need to learn to live with a little pain. Start when kids are young in a health class or set aside time to talk to kids and offer the opportunity for them to talk to people who went through addictions. Bonnie things people can manage through things without taking strong medications like Oxycontin. She just had a mouth surgery before she talked to me, she is using ice and non-opiate over the counter pain relievers for pain. She feels strongly about people needing to be stronger and not use oils for a solution that can be addictive. She tells me: “people just need to buck up and be stronger”. Bonnie believes that it is individual responsibility as well as societal and that the pharmaceutical companies caused a lot of the problems as well when it comes to opiates. They were telling doctors it was not addictive and they were prescribing them like crazy. Then, people started taking them and realized how great they feel on it. Bonnie sometimes took prednisone, she took it for one week to help her back, she knows the euphoric feeling. Others find ways to carry it on. We all like to think that life is a bowl of cherries. No pain, full of possibilities. Wouldn’t that be great she said, well life isn’t like that. We have to learn to deal with it. Prevent doctor shopping. People keep secrets for different reasons, she feels Ella was afraid of losing her son and that is why she did not seek help. There is a lot of stigma around addiction, it is not treated as an illness.

The government has a big role to step in and help. The high doses Fentanyl comes from China she asserts, and the government needs to stop it. In Ella’s apartment 2 pills were found on the counter and a rolled-up dollar bill which they assumed she used to snort the medication. The father of the child called a sponsor from AA, went to the apartment and took care of the pills, they got rid of them. They also found an empty bottle of Suboxone from 2016. They were wondering why she was taking Suboxone in 2016. Bonnie thinks she was already addicted to Oxycontin at that time. She was probably trying to get off. This is very hard for Bonnie’s daughter, because Ella lived with her during that time and did not know any of this. She is also seeing a therapist to help deal with all this stuff.

Bonnie had a hard time finding a therapist for herself who takes Medicare, she just found one. She is hoping that the therapist will help her get through he transitions of her great grandson going to his father. Trusting him to take care of him. She still will be involved in his life, but just can’t trust the father because of the history.

Grief will take time she tells me, but she needs help with this transition. She needs guidance.

Thank you for reading,

Gabriella

Previous chapter

My website

This book is dedicated to the memory of

Bagóczky József my uncle who died at age 19 — alcohol related car accident

and to everyone else who has been hurt or lost related to addiction

Many people had been supportive and inspiring to me so I could create this book. Both of my wonderful children told me, just write that book mom. My mom. I could have not done this without all the stories provided and the encouragement love and caring from my family and friends, nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, professors, friends who are dealing with addiction and staying sober; and children, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers of people who are dealing with addiction currently. Thank you for speaking up, sharing your stories and life experiences. Thank you for all the people who read this book while in progress to provide feedback, ideas and encouragement for me to continue writing. I would like to say special thanks to my friends and family for believing me and encouraging me to go on.

Front cover acrylic painting created by Andrea Mihaly October 2019

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered. Hear the voices of everyday people — collection of stories and experiences.

Copyright @ 2020. 1st addition on Amazon KDP. 2nd addition Jan 2021 Barnes & Noble. By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. All rights reserved. Dancing Elephants Press.