Light at the End of the Little Black Book

The chilled air cut like knives with every inhale Erica took. The calm rippling of water below eased her racing mind as she peeked over the side of the bridge. Her heavy sigh clung around her as white puffs floating in the winter air. “This is it,” she assured herself. “Your terms, your time.”

She gripped ahold of the frozen bar, there to keep passersby from meeting their demise in the pool below, and shakily got onto it. Her feet dangled over the edge as she sat there, fighting with herself to pull through with her plan or back out as she had always done before. “You have to,” she pleaded with herself. “No.” There was a pause. “You can always walk away.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she scanned the water below, searching for anything within it to give her an answer she had longed to find. “Of course, I can’t,” she retorted.

The wind danced along her hair, tickling her ears and stinging her cheeks as she sat atop the bridge safety rail. There was no sound around her as she stood up, silence enveloped her in a cool embrace. This is peace she thought. This is it. Right as Erica was about to step off, a car came teetering down the road towards her, honking loudly as it came into view. Startled, Erica spun her head to look, and as she did lost balance on the beam below her feet.

It happened in an instance. Her legs swept out from under her, the wind taking her body with it as it waltzed by. At first, she was shocked, but soon was comforted by the sensation of falling. It lasted longer than she had imagined in her mind. She made no noise, no retort to her circumstances. Memories flooded around her, but she paid them no mind. She wanted to pass in peace, not be reminded of the harsh reality that pushed her to this end. As they came and went, her eyes locked onto a terrified face on the bridge. A woman who looked more distressed than Erica was, mouthing words she couldn’t hear anymore, or perhaps had just chosen not to hear. Suddenly, as quickly as it had begun, Erica was engulfed in a freezing darkness.

“Such a short life,” A calm voice pooled around Erica. Not in her head, but in the air surrounding her entire being. “Cut short by such dreadful actions.”

The voice was lovely. Warm and inviting. It sounded like honey tasted, sweet and smooth. Her eyes flitted open and she was surrounded by a cool, dim light. “Hello?” she called out as she sat up, her eyes scanning around. There was no door, no windows, just light. “I take it this is the end?” She asked.

“This is whatever you perceive it to be,” The voice answered. “It is an end of sorts, or a new beginning as well.”

“Ah,” Erica replied, pretending that she understood.

“Tell me,” the voice beckoned, “What made you get so tired of living?”

“I wasn’t ever living,” Her eyes dropped to her lap, a faint smile clung to the edges of her lips. She wasn’t sure why she was smiling, but it lingered there as she continued. “I was only surviving. Living in constant fear and regret. There were so few instances of happiness and calm. All I knew, in the end, was chaos.”

“Is that so?” The voice cut in. “I see.”

The color of the room changed from a soft, cool white to a warm and rich red. Yelling and arguing encased Ericas ears. Though the voices were distorted, she knew what she was hearing, as well as who she was hearing. Fear washed over her as she began to shiver and curl into a ball. She didn’t have to guess what the distorted figures were saying, because she had once lived it. “You should be ashamed. You should know better. I guess I will have to teach you a lesson you, as a woman, should never forget.” The sound of a belt buckle rung out around her. Her shivering began to become more intense. She covered her ears and slammed her eyes shut. Her body felt like fire in the palms of her hands.

“Please,” she whispered. “Please, no more.”

The voice came back as the room altered to its original appearance. “Such devastation you have lived through, survived through” the voice corrected. “Constantly running away and hiding in the darkest of places. However, this is not your end. It is not your time to lay down and start anew.” The voice cut off.

“What?” Erica shot up, looking around. But the room had lost its hue and the only thing greeting Erica as she stood alone, was darkness.

Monotone beeping pounded into Ericas head. It throbbed with intense pain, her whole body numb and heavy. The smell of cleaning products and illness clung to her nose and the sound of monitors and hurried feet filled her ears. “Shit,” she muttered, coughing hard as she spoke, her throat in flames and her chest tight.

Her coughing must have gotten the attention of someone outside, because immediately someone peeked through the door. “Oh my!” the woman exclaimed, and rushed back out. Soon the door burst open and soon Erica’s room was filled with various doctors and nurses asking her lists of questions, as well as two awkward-looking police officers huddling by the doorway.

“When did you wake up?” A nurse asked.

“Just no-” Erica tried to answer but began coughing again.

“Don’t push yourself,” a nurse chimed in. “You’re extremely lucky to be alive. We didn’t think you were going to push through at all!”

After all examining had been done on her, and all the nurses and doctor felt they had everything they needed, they whisked out of the room. Erica thought she would have a moment of peace again, but realized they had left the two officers in their wake.

“Good evening miss, uhm, we just had a few questions to ask you before we could let you go back to sleep,” He shifted his weight and rubbed the back of his head.

“Ok,” Erica replied hoarsely. “I will do my best to talk.”

“Right,” The officer nodded. “What is your name?” He asked, flipping open a notepad that had been homed in his right breast pocket.

“Erica Muriray,” she answered.

“Do you have any family members that may be looking for you, miss Muriray?”

She paused, cutting their eye contact short and peering out the window in her room. “I hope not,”

The officers shot each other worried looks. “What pushed you to stand on that bridge in the first place?”

Erica told the officers everything. The horrific living conditions she endured for years. The torture her family put her through; the assaults and emotional turmoil they lashed at her. She explained that her and her siblings endured nights of abuse from their father, abuse of all sadistic types.

After Erica finished, the officers explained that it was going to be a long and hard road until this entire situation was taken care of. They assured her that it would be dealt with, and that justice would be served to everyone that had wronged her and her siblings. She was also told that she would need to be put into an institution to determine if she was able to live on her own without being a danger to herself.

Many months passed since the incident on the bridge. The air was no longer cold and bitter in Erica’s lungs. It was warm and smooth as she took a deep breath in. “Erica,” a lady in a white lab coat called from the other end of the courtyard. “It’s time to get you checked out!”

The lady’s face was full of excitement and eagerness, she knew that this was the dawn of a new chapter in Erica’s life. Erica waltzed over to the lady, who stood near an entrance that was splayed open for her to walk through. “Thank god,” Erica breathed out. “It’s been so long since I’ve had something decent to eat.”

They reached a room where Erica had to answer a series of questions and go through one final evaluation. She knew that this was all that was keeping her from her freedom. Not that she didn’t enjoy, or need, her time spent here, she was just looking forward to being outside of this cage once again.

“That’s it,” the evaluator exclaimed, closing her large file. “You are all ready to go!”

There were quiet cheers in the room as everyone crowded Erica to give her a long and friendly goodbye hug. They all overlooked her progress during her stay, and they were all excited to get her back out to start her life. “All we need to do is give you the belongings that you checked in with, and you will be on your way.”

“Belongings?” Erica asked, turning her attention to her Doctor. “I didn’t come with anything on me except the clothes I jumped off the bridge in?”

“You had one other item in your possession.” She handed Erica a plain black leather-bound book. “The paramedics that were on the scene said that you were clinging to this for dear life when they pulled you out of that river.”

“But this isn’t mine.” Erica proclaimed. “I’ve never had a leather-bound book before.”

“Perhaps it knew that and found its way to you,” the Doctor joked. “Either way, it’s yours now.”

Erica walked out of the facility, a warm breeze picking up the ends of her hair and dancing around her face. A car honked and a voice interrupted Erica’s deep thought. “Rica!”

Erica smiled and snapped her attention in the direction of the car. “Sam!” she called out, as a small mouse-like girl erupted from the vehicle. “How did you-”

“You dummy!” the girl spit out, running to her. “What are best friends for! I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me anything, I was so worried! But I’m here now and I have a couch that has your name on it!”

In the car, Erica flipped through the empty pages of the book as Sam trailed off in conversation. Erica thumbed the back of the book as she listened to Sam, and noticed a bulge in the bindings. It was as if someone had shoved something in there to hide it away. Erica started peeling it back, and was soon faced with a small key and a note. “What’s that?” Sam asked, noticing Erica was distracted by something.

“I’m not sure,” Erica replied.

She sprawled the note out on her lap and read it outload. “I hope this finds you in good health. I realize that time is coming to an end soon. I wish nothing more than for this to find someone who may be in more need than I am.” The note continued on, stating that the key went to a deposit box at a bank not too far from where Sam and Erica were now.

“Well,” Sam began, turning her car around. “That’s an obvious choice.”

The bankers showed Erica the box that the key went to. Everyone left the room leaving Erica alone with the mystery gift. Her breathing began to get harder as her heart beat got faster. Quiet sobbing soon flooded around her as they echoed against the metal walls. “What is going on?”

Inside the drawer was a bag filled to the brim with money. There was a note inside that had one word scrawled on it. “Live” Erica read. This was a blessing Erica couldn’t even dream of getting. The mysterious black book that lead her here, and the gift in waiting. “Thank you, stranger,” Erica cried out. She slumped down on the floor, her shoulders relaxing a bit as some of the burden she had always been carrying was lifted.