Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Middle of the Night Anxiety
It 00:47 on a Wednesday night/Thursday morning and after the busiest and soul destroying day at a job I hate I have found myself lying in bed scrolling the endless threads on Facebook, Instagram, News Feed, and Tinder profiles in the hope my precarious mind will finally go to sleep.... Safe to say this will not happen.
By Siobhan Cha Cha8 years ago in Psyche
Fat Girl
She sits in a dimly lit room while in a death like trance. The blue light of her laptop illuminates her bored eyes. There is music playing. She listens to notes of a piano, beautiful however mellow and dark. Similar to the music a main character in a Gothic movie or book would enjoy. The only difference is that she is not in a movie. Nor is she the main character of a book. She is too distasteful and this is real life. She is overweight and her hair is not brushed or washed. The girl has not slept at night in months. She doesn’t have a special style of clothing. No, she is wearing a pink sweater and shorts. Her legs are not shaved and her nails are not trimmed. She is no good. The tapping of the keyboard in front of her is the only noise aside from the music playing on Spotify. It is an application you can download to your cellphone, tablet, or laptop that streams various music from around the world. She is writing to absolutely nobody. The only light in the room in a dim lamp aside of her. Her desk is a giant cardboard box covered with a black sheet and her chair is a metal framed bed by a window. Winter is coming so it is dark already.
By Marisa Kaitlynn Rose8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Is Not Beautiful
I do not understand why everyone is so confused about depression. Most people do not fully understand what depression actually is. People assume it’s just feeling sad. But as someone who suffers from depression, I know for a fact, it is NOT beautiful. It is not just feeling sad. It is so much more than that. Depression is waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed, or even to brush your hair. Depression is almost as if you’re completely empty. You are exhausted from doing the bare minimum. Your body aches with the feeling like you do not matter amongst the people you’ve been around all your life. It’s the feeling that there is no hope for you. People can say that they understand what you’re going through, but do they really know? Just know there are millions of people out there who are suffering, just like you are. Some may have it worse than others. But it is not a competition to see who is more depressed and to see who is more poetically sad. People sit there and say that depression is something they want. But, me and millions of other people know this is not something you want. As a matter of fact, I DO NOT WANT THIS. But here I am, stuck with something that is being romanticized and is being worshipped. To the point where people ask if you’re faking it. Depression causes so much pain. Everyone has their own way of trying to fix the one thing that is there for life. Myself, I would cut myself to try and ease the pain and the numbness I would feel. I always tried to find the way to fix myself, but I realized I was hurting the people around me. I tried getting help, but I found out a really hard way that sometimes you need to find your own way out of this deep, dark pit of constant darkness. When getting help, I was technically a “lab rat.” I tried mass amounts of pills, which made me feel as if I was the zombies from horror movies that I use to fear. I have been in counseling, which didn’t help until I found a therapist who made me feel as if I actually mattered. But I was switched to a new therapist. Which brought me back on a downward spiral. I am still searching for my happiness, but I still have not found it. I know I’ll eventually get there. I still have many sleepless, year filled nights, where I’m grasping into my pillow screaming how I do not matter. Maybe I do matter, but I still haven’t realized that I should matter to myself before anyone else. I know people say that you need to love yourself, but they forgot to mention how hard it actually is to love yourself. But I am here to tell you, that YOU are not alone. There are people out there like you. Because, I, am just like you. If you feel like you want to get help, or if you feel like you need help, please do get help. Reach out, that way you are safe. Because, dear readers, YOU DO MATTER!
By Kaylee Pauley8 years ago in Psyche
A Day at the Beach
Earlier this year I had the fortunate experience of having a mental breakdown. Full-on depression and anxiety spiraling down into the darkest depths I have ever been. Sprinkle in my long-term boyfriend, of nearly five years, breaking up with me, and you have got a recipe for complete and utter destruction. Now there’s only a small hint of sarcasm there, or maybe a whole lot, because it really was one of the best things to happen to me, though I definitely wasn’t thinking that through the laborious, and hard, healing process.
By Tiffany Marvin-Carr8 years ago in Psyche
Suicide
Suicide. Not a fun topic. It’s not something people like to talk about. What people do not realize is that it is a very serious problem today and it needs to be brought into the light. “What better way to end the pain than end your life?” is a very common thought. You’d be very surprised by the number of people who want to take their lives daily. You also may not be aware that one of those people could be someone very well close to you.
By Deserae Manning8 years ago in Psyche
My Darkness
The scratch of a single pen on paper was the only audible noise in the cold, dimly lit room, save for my slow and shallow breaths. As I completed the poem and read it through once more, I discovered how beautifully sad it was. The black ink seemed cry out in pain and despair. Though, that had not been my intention; my intention has always been to be happy. At the very moment I stared at the sorrowful words scrawled across the page, it became clear to me what was true. The suffocating and relentless sadness that silently engulfed me every day could not remain quiet any longer. I finally gave into what I had feared the most; I was depressed.
By Tiffany Wile8 years ago in Psyche
Anxiety is a Twat
I’ve lived with my anxiety and depressive disorder for just over a year now and I still feel like I can’t come to terms with it. I struggle to do the simplest of tasks and, although medication and other methods do help, some days it’s just impossible.
By Jess Peters8 years ago in Psyche
The Forgotten
There are a lot of people who crack jokes about asylums, including the entirety of the horror movie industry, and how terrible they are. I am no different. Looking back on the first time I saw the clock tower building at the edge of town I distinctly remember saying it looked like an old asylum. Honestly I meant that it would make a good scene for a horror movie, little did I know that I wasn’t far off. It was a behavioral health clinic in its prime. Once I actually moved to Topeka I started taking a more in depth look into the old asylum and its property.
By Courtney Seever8 years ago in Psyche
