Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Here's to You, 2017
New year, new me, right? That’s the most cliché statement in the world, but I can tell you, this year has taught me so much about love, life, heartbreak, and strength. Ironically, January 1 is the start of a new year, and also marks five months since the worst day of my life. Those five months were also the most significant months of my entire life. I’ve learned that if I made it out of August alive, I could basically make it out of anything. My story doesn’t end at me being shot, losing the love of my life and having to move home. My recovery wasn’t an easy one. I couldn’t drive, I was in immense pain every day, and even taking a shower or getting dressed was traumatic because of how hard it was. It just ended up being a constant reminder that my life turned completely awful faster than a speeding bullet. Literally. I cried just about all day, everyday for weeks. I would text him at least a couple times a day when everything in my mind was too much for me to deal with. I needed to know how he could just stop caring after loving me so much. I needed to know how he was okay, because I wanted so bad to be. After a couple weeks of this I told him that I was bringing our dog down and coming to see him, knowing I wouldn’t, but desperately hoping for a response. He texted my mom to let her know I had said that, in hopes she wouldn’t allow it to happen. About three hours later I texted him again, as I lied in bed with all the medicine I had left the hospital with. I asked him to please take care of our dog when I was gone, because he was the greatest blessing in the world, and he deserved to grow up with one of his parents. This time he didn’t text my mom a warning. I took about 25 opioid pain killers, 800 mg of seroquil, and an entire bottle of Prozac. About 20 minutes later it turned scary. My vision was blurred; the world was spinning. My heart started beating so fast, and so hard that all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I remember trying to sit up and holding my heart, terrified that I was going to die from it exploding, and wondering if that would be a painful way to go. After a few minutes I lied down and closed my eyes, hoping to just fall asleep. I vaguely remember hearing my brother screaming. I remember hearing the EMTs. I remember randomly hearing nurses ask me questions that I thought I was responding to, but it was like my whole body was paralyzed besides my ears. I remember that I was forced to drink liquid charcoal, and then I remember waking up in the ICU. When I woke up, it was 14 hours and three rounds of narcan later. When I found out how close I was to succeeding I wasn’t relieved I hadn’t, but cried because I wished so much that it would have worked. After a few days in the hospital that changed. I was grateful for the people I met, and grateful I was living. I’d be lying if I said that there hasn’t been many times since that I’ve lied in bed wishing I had been successful, or thinking about suicide. But I realize how far I’ve come, and it’s only going to get better from here. I learned how little my life meant to the man I loved, but how much it meant to all those around me, even people I barely knew. I learned that I can feel happiness again, even if it’s not the same way I felt it before. And even more importantly, I learned it’s okay to not be okay, and that so many other people are capable of understanding how you feel, even if it’s not those closest to you. So, 2017, thank you. Thank you for kicking my ass, making me hit rock bottom, and slowly starting to build me back up. You’ve given me wisdom, strength and most importantly, determination. This year is about me, and being better than I ever was before, and building a life for myself, not someone else.
By Amanda Cleveland8 years ago in Psyche
We Don't Need No Medication, Hey! Doctors, Leave Those Prescriptions Alone
You're probably bored searching through stories or just stumbled upon this due to your interest in the topic. I'm not writing this to bash doctors and I'm not fully against medication. I do however, believe there are natural remedies which do help cure illnesses and infection without the side effects and ingredients we can't even pronounce.
By Britt Whiteman8 years ago in Psyche
When Abuse Pretends It Isn't. Top Story - January 2018.
Ok, so this is going to be a touchy article, regardless of what experience you have with it. Talking about mental illness (especially when you don't suffer from anything too serious yourself) is usually considered a little off-base. I try to keep my opinions to myself regarding most precarious social issues because no matter what it seems to cause unnecessary upset feelings and judgement, even if nobody is willing to admit it. But hey, I feel like this is important, and I wish I could have read something like this a year ago when I was in the throes of an abusive relationship and battling a mental illness that wasn't my own. If you've ever felt trapped by guilt, you probably have a good idea where I'm coming from. It really makes you question your morality. I never saw myself as someone who would abandon a person battling a MI, I thought it would make me a bad person and some days I feel like it does.
By Carly Anne 8 years ago in Psyche
How I Keep My Chronic Anxiety Under Control
It really is a whole lot of replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I have tried many medications and have come home with buspirone. Buspar has few side effects, although insomnia is one when you overdo that medication, like I tend to sometimes. I used the "Attacking Anxiety and Depression" program by the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety to get myself as far as I have gotten now, which is really not to feel my repressed anxiety. I have schizoaffecive bipolar 1 and anxiety is a huge part of that. I fancy myself as having every form of anxiety in the DSM but, well, my diagnosis is generalized anxiety/or anxiety state, as it says so on my medical record.
By Iria Vasquez-Paez8 years ago in Psyche
Inner Battles
Society has been programmed to believe in good and bad. This doesn’t pose a problem, until you realize that most people believe that asking forgiveness will excuse the demons they possess. It’s rumored that demons exist in dark matter (Dark energy, Quantum Physics. The majority of this reality is made of dark matter, meaning that dark spirits can be anywhere. Our brain is even composed with dark matter (Dark Matter of the Brain)). So who’s to say that we all don’t have demons within us? People have different ways to feed their demons, addiction being the most prominent. It’s as if gluttony is the only way to satisfy our inner demon's hunger pangs.
By James Harrison8 years ago in Psyche
Best Addiction Recovery Gifts for a Former Drug User
There's a fine line between being supportive and being insulting. When you go shopping for one of the best addiction recovery gifts for a former drug user, you want to make sure you don't remind them of their problems in a way that will way them down. Instead, focus on inspiring them, motivating them, and relieving stress from their life.
By Taylor Markarian8 years ago in Psyche
You're Never Alone
Guy: You never know how someone is feeling. You never know if they're close to breaking... You just never know. Girl: For once in my life, I don't want to be invisible. I want someone to finally notice me and not take me for granted like everything else in life.
By josh napper8 years ago in Psyche
Clouds of Smoke
The depressing British weather is becoming my close friend this November. The pitter-patter of the rain droplets hitting the nearest car; the clouds gathering together, forming an array of grey with beams of what could have been a bright, sunny day seeping through. Perfectly preserved beads of rain rolling down my face.
By Natasha Mawo8 years ago in Psyche
PTSD
The truth about PTSD! I suppose I best start with a short introduction. My name is Sam and I served in the British armed forces from 1995 until 2013. During that time I had served in Africa, Iraq, Kosovo, Bosnia and a few other locations. So let's begin to talk about that dirty thing known as PTSD. Firstly, it's not something you should be ashamed of. It's completely normal to be the way you are. It's the brains way of somehow coping with trauma, the problem is, is that it changes you, the sufferer, in more ways than you can imagine. For some it starts with resentment or bitterness towards others. For others it could be small lies, or the odd shouting for the smallest thing. I found that I started to lose my temper very easily, I would go mad sometimes thinking about wanting to hurt someone. This then became more and more gradual. My hatred became so bad that I struggled being around almost anybody. Then, other things started happening to me, I was lying all the time; to friends, family and co-workers, it got to the point where even I didn't know the difference between what was the truth and what was a lie. After this the next stage was being mischievous, I mean..... I was taking out bank loans and credit cards that I didn't even need and funny enough the debts started building up fast. People really started to notice a bad change in not only my personality but also in my appearance. I didn't shave, my eyes where dark and sunken, I trembled with either fear or anger. All I ever thought was there was danger just around the corner and I had to be ready at all times no matter what. Every one was my enemy and as such, I had to protect myself at any cost including taking someone's life. Shortly after, I started to notice the change in myself and that's when I started to feel sorry for myself. I mean, between the nightmares, flashbacks and all the other stuff, it just got way, way, way too much. This continued for months and that's when I distanced myself from everyone even those who cared and loved me. You see, what PTSD really does is it wants to get you all alone, it wants YOU! All to itself. It wants you to get rid of all and any help out there so that your so low and I mean low, like way below the bottom of a barrel low. The drinking starts, and gets worse and worse and the moods really get bad. That's when the thoughts in your head start, that little voice starts whispering the unthinkable. Suicide, it wants YOU to pick up the gun or grab the razor blade or find that high bridge or get the whiskey and tablets and just end it all now. You sit there thinking about how you've hurt everyone around you, how no one can bear being anywhere near you. It's doing this over and over and over until finally, the band just snaps and you do it. You just end it there andtThen, you believe that everyone will be so much better with you gone. The actual fact is, this is far from the truth. WHAT you've done is you've just hurt everyone far more than you could possibly imagine. So, how do you stop it? When is it time to say I need help, and I need help now. For me, I asked for help when I failed to take my own life, for others it was when they noticed a change in themselves. But we're all different and to be honest it's not where or when but it's the fact that you need to accept the illness and you need to reach out and get the help you need asap. Treat it as if your life depends upon it because the reality is, it does! When I started getting help, the first thing we did was behavioural therapy helping me to be around people again without wanting to harm them. Once I had received this treatment for eight months, I started to feel much better. I could actually be around people again and I even started to smile again. This is when we also talked about the nightmares and the flashbacks. The treatment was called EMDR. Using sound and eye movement, your focused on the images that come into your head and with the therapy after some time, these memories and images disappear. The nightmares and the flashbacks disappear, but there's a side effect. Memory loss! For me, I lost almost two years of my memory. It was all a complete blank, and depending on the person, this can take years to get back. But no matter what happens, you have to realise that having done all this, you really are on the mend. And with that, you can start with fighting to gaining your life back. The people that care about you will see the difference in time and people will start to have trust in you in good time. You just have to remember that it's down to YOU! You need to be the one to realise that YOU need the help and only YOU can reach out and ask for it. When you do this, then the rest is history and the new beginning of your life will start. I wish you all the very best and hope that some of this is of some help to someone out there. Even if this is able to save one life, then I've done some good. And that's good enough for me. Take care people and all the very best.
By Sammy Freeman8 years ago in Psyche
