Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Fear of Disappointment
For me, disappointment often breeds disappointment. The fear of not fulfilling expectations is disappointing in and of itself. The idea that you fear how others perceive your challenges is disheartening. The anxiety of being worried about disappointing someone makes you feel disappointed in yourself. It's a brutal cycle that once you're stuck in, it seems like you'll never win.
By Sabrina Benzies8 years ago in Psyche
Change
From fetus to geriatric we are constantly changing. We learn to walk, talk, climb, run, and so on. Although we are changing all the time, many of us don’t want it. We get accustomed to our typical, everyday life. We sometimes don’t understand why things happen but starting over new isn’t always a dreadful thing. My brother once told me “Sis, if something isn’t going right, you can only start back over. Don’t let yourself for once think it’s a horrible thing. You can only go positive from here on out.” After that day, I caught myself stumbling through my thoughts. Questions, thoughts, comments, anything and everything was flowing through my brain now and forward. It was if I never heard anything so amazing or uplifting. As I continued thinking, I realized and understood clearly what he was trying to embed in my head. Proceeding from a clean slate would only allow me to remove all negativity. So, if positivity is solely what I’m in search of I’m typically just creating space for it right? As I continued, I also found my self tumbling over thoughts that were hard to swallow. Thoughts that were filled with the darkness of the depression from the negative energy was eating me alive. Demons filling my head with feelings of only uneased pain. The scars as I view my temple only make me aware of the demons I’m fighting. Life must go on though… Looking to the sky, tears in my eyes, praying to the God I claim and the universe that surrounds me. I prayed asking for strength, courage, wisdom, and independence from them. Feelings of loneliness, terrified of the emotions overflowing my body as if I’m an erupting volcano stationed in my hometown. The changes must be made voluntarily or by force, they must be met. My standards have fallen off, but it’s time for the criteria of the people in my life to be raised. The changes I must make can be difficult. Although, with the question in mind “Can I make it, or will it break me?” I didn’t know where to begin… Coming to a which I thought was an understanding of life I broke. Broke completely into pieces. My heart was shattered, and I was no longer praying for the strength I need. I was instead now praying for God to end it all. My life was a mess and the change I needed was now M.I.A. The more I thought of what to do, the more I felt lost. I knew deep down what was necessary. I just couldn’t do it. In the belief that I had already reached my breaking point in life at such a youthful age, I was ready to have it end. I attempt what most call suicide, but what I called a cry for help. I was in search of happiness and with the change that needed filling, I was almost sure it could happen. Post attending all the help I was so-called offered, I decided that it was ME I needed to take care of. Now, most people who, if any, read this, I’m not trying to give the sob story but what I am trying to do is make you all aware that suicidal thoughts creep up on the most unexpected people. You’d never guess I am. I help those in need and brighten those days that have rain. In fact, many people call me for advice, which I love because I been through things and want to help. Acknowledging that I need to step my game up, I started following a few rules. I soon began taking care of me. Step one is PUT YOURSELF ABOVE ALL. Number two is POSITIVE ENERGY RATHER THAN NEGATIVITY. Three will be HAPPINESS COMES WITHIN (except you for you). After coming through with a few rules, I knew it was time to start cutting ties. Eliminate the negative energy in life, whether the people that need to be let go of were blood or not, it was time. If you can cut out the energy draining yours, you will be fine. I lost many friends and I even have family that are done. So, from here on out we must put ourselves above all others. No, this doesn’t me I am better than anyone, it simply means I love, respect, and cherish myself enough to know you are not fit for my life specifically. Some people just come to you to teach you a lesson or show you some things. On the other hand, people come and stay through life. Everything and anything you do in life must be you. Don’t worry about what anyone says. It’s up to you to change your old ways for a better you.
By Story Of A Stranger8 years ago in Psyche
My ED Story (Part 2)
So, as I said last week, the dream to be thin was not the sole one to turn into the darkest reality. Once I realised my habits needed to change, I not only began to eat comfortably but going out and enjoying my friendships, old and new. However, my healthy relationship with food began to deteriorate again. I wanted to gain a stable and normal amount of weight for my age and height so that I could become a better skater and athlete and regain my period. Yet, I began eating colossal amounts of foods which, for my low weight of 44 kg, was necessary but only at the start. Soon, my body saw the opportunity to eat all the foods I had been depriving myself of for so long. And that's how binge-eating took hold of me. I kept on eating massively, without paying attention to the fact that I was full and gradually gained the weight I was looking for. Once I reached the healthy level, I could not stop eating. It was as if anything was an excuse to eat: a good training day, a bad day in general, sad news, good grades... soon I became addicted to food, especially all that junk that I had not allowed myself to even touch for many years. It was embarrassing. I would head to the supermarket almost every night to buy sweets and chocolates. I don't even know how much I was able to consume in one of my attacks, but I'm sure it was 3000 kcal worth of snacks almost daily, plus an unhealthy amount of bread and pasta during the day. I guess the only good thing was that I never stopped exercising which probably hindered much of the bad part of binge-eating and perhaps why I never gained too much weight. My top was probably 65 kg at the time and I was 5'8'' so I wasn't really overweight, just bloated, all the time. When I came back home in the summer, my parents could tell something was wrong because after each term I would come back bigger. I never mentioned binge-eating but realised I had a problem. I was constantly thinking of the next meal, right after I had just emptied my plate! I had an issue that I needed to solve. Took me a year to properly understand I had an addiction, and it's something I'm still recovering from. Right now, when I walk past an aisle of chocolate I have to stop the strong urge, but I'm doing it right. I began weightlifting as a surplus to my skating sessions (my kind of cardio) and it's helped a lot. I feel stronger than ever, and I'm eating balanced. Super healthy during the week, allowing myself only a little snack on a Friday to treat myself. I workout every day except for a rest day that I choose every week to allow my muscles to repair. With these two experiences, I just want to let you know that there are many times when you'll get hit by something unexpected and dangerous, and, even though getting help is super important, ultimately the change has to be made by you because it's your body in the end, and you know yourself the best. I don't judge whether being my weight and height at the time is or isn't fat for some of you, cause I know everyone looks different with the same weight and age. Alos, being thin isn't bad either but chose what makes you happy. Now that I'm balanced and getting better every day, I'm super happy though I'm not as lean as I used to be. But, it's not the physique that makes you YOU, it's who you are inside and your ideals. The body is not a reflection of your inner self, just a sort of presentation for people to first get a glimpse of you. It doesn't define you, and, when you feel good, you see it outside and inside.
By Eugenia Moreno8 years ago in Psyche
How to Handle Anxiety Attacks
Anxiety has started to become the norm for the world we live in today. It seems to be affecting anyone and everyone now that the world we live in has become extremely fast-paced and surrounded by different social media platforms. Anxiety levels are different for everyone however helpful solutions can be equally affective for everyone.
By Blair Gomez8 years ago in Psyche
The Darker Days
Depression... For me, it all started about six years ago. On a summer day my brother attempted to commit suicide. Only my mother and I were home, so it was my responsibility to call 9-1-1 while she tried to get details out of him. With my voice shaking and hands trembling, I tried to pull myself together enough to get the words out. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital. He was put into a medically induced coma. Thankfully he survived and doesn’t have any long term effects.
By Kaitlynn Pownall8 years ago in Psyche
Hypnotherapy
Growing up was never going to be easy. You see the films, books, and magazine articles on childhood and teenage struggles. Never do you imagine it’s going to be that bad on you. I thought my parents' relationship with one another was normal and my family dynamic was legit. Trouble was always imminent in my family, but I never thought anything of it, I just considered it the norm. These got worse and worse. Constant fights, abuse, alcohol rages, and suicide threats. I began doing the same at 12 turning to cigarettes, alcohol, and sex. I considered it the way forward and to deal with life in general. I had to be a grown-up to control my situation in my family. Suicide attempts became a regular thing for me as did self-harm and alcohol and drug abuse. As I grew up it got worse. Physiological damage was taking its toll and I was at my lowest ever. Then, at the grand age of 15, I started dating am 18-year-old which turned into a five-year abusive relationship. Alcohol and drugs were now my demons and were my only escape. I regularly turned to alcohol as an escape. Leading to arrests, interventions, and hospital emergencies. Then I met a guy who turned it all upside down, I was struck down wholeheartedly with love. He made me better, my anxiety was still out of control and I was a mess but he somehow put a band-aid on my whole life in a messed up way. I was happy, the happiest I'd been since way beyond my teens. I felt loved, wanted, and needed. But nothing could stop my demons and paranoia from creeping up on me. I fucked it up. One year and five months later, I fucked up big time and he couldn’t deal with my damage. My insecurity, my anxiety, my paranoia, and constant no trust. So this was the biggest wake up of all. I turned to hypnotherapy and it was everything and more. I delved deep into my self, I nurtured my unconscious soul. I listened, I resolved, I dug into memories so painful and hurtful, I put them to bed. I talked to little 12-year-old me with a fucked up family. I realized my issues. I have strong trust issues, a 22-year-old would after her father's affairs, hidden secrets, and constant verbal and physical abuse. I’m not where I want to be in life but I’m getting there. I finally have a doctor who listens and has helped. I’ve had a psychiatric assessment, I’ve been put on the right medication and I have the right support professionally. It may take a long time but you will get there. You just have to hold on and hope.
By Livvy Foxhall8 years ago in Psyche
How I Beat Depression
Depression is clinically described as: "Persistently low, depressed mood, consistent for at least two weeks." But for over 300 million people worldwide, depression can last for years, or even one's entire life. Thankfully, our understanding of psychology and medical practices has grown to the point where we have some effective treatments for the condition, but many of us still have to deal with it every day.
By J. P. Frattini8 years ago in Psyche
