Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Ten Lessons from Ten Years After My Suicide Attempt
Some time this month, ten years ago, my mum burst into my bedroom and found me on my bed surrounded by pill packets. I had been hoarding them to take them all at once and some sort of motherly instinct must have made alarm bells ring because she intervened just in time. I hadn't taken them all yet and she swiped them away from me. I had taken enough to be sick but not enough to do serious harm. This came after months of me self harming, burning myself, giving myself bruises, making myself sick and writing horrible things about myself all the time.
By Jaz Johnstone7 years ago in Psyche
Indecision Caused by Anxiety
I suffer from GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and one of the most frustrating aspects of this disorder that I come up against is indecision. I’m talking about when I can’t make even the simplest of decisions because of the ‘what ifs’ flying out of my overactive brain. I can end up feeling paralysed, having flitted from task to task in the hope of finding easier, clear-cut decisions to make. Finally, I reach a complete impasse as I realise I’m cycling through the same few decisions over and over and am no closer to a resolution.
By Alicia Brunskill7 years ago in Psyche
Sick Sad Destructive Youth
I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years, I've always felt as though the little light inside of me shined dimmer than everyone else's. No matter what I did I thought that I was never good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, or smart enough. In high school I hadn't noticed how bad my depression really was because I assumed that it was all just teenage angst...Now, as I move into adulthood my tiny insecurities have become a venomous part in my life. I went from being an active member of my college's student body to taking a semester off and alienating myself from people who really cared about me. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't go to class, let alone get out of bed. My GPA was now almost as low as my self confidence. I didn't eat, sleep, shower, or go to class. I could barely even get out of bed.
By Carolina Rose7 years ago in Psyche
Rambles
I figure I should introduce myself. My name is Alexis, and while many people in my life view me as an optimistic, hardworking person, down inside I'm pretty worn out. I don't want anyone to take me writing this as a call for help, or anything of the sort, rather I just want to speak my mind to people in a community of people that I don't know, and who don't know me. As of late, I have come to realize I have this super fun and exciting thing that many may call "high functioning depression." What it is is pretty self explanatory—I can go to work, or school, or deal with any other mandatory daily things just fine, but once I get home I just feel lost. It's as though a vampire sucked all the soul and willpower out of me. I tell myself, "Alright Alexis, you should probably brush your teeth, maybe clean your room or make dinner." But at this point I hardly see any point to besides the fact that everyone else does. I live in such a constant state of "why bother" that it's simply beginning to fog my mind. I had a panic attack at work that got so intense and hard to control that I had to be sent to the hospital for it. I'll feel completely drained of all energy simply by making my bed in the morning. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking: "they're such simple tasks, just do them and you'll be fine." Yeah, sure, because it's that easy. For many people with mental illnesses, these seemingly simple tasks become super daunting and don't become so simple anymore but rather take every ounce of your being to do so. It even begins to go beyond that.
By alexis! :-D7 years ago in Psyche
How Does It Feel Being a Part of an Anxiety Loop?
How does it feel not being able to breathe? And what I mean by being unable to breathe is not due to the fact that you have pinched your nose or something but because you were too anxious to synchronise your breathing properly. What does it really feel like every morning that you wake up with anxiety? What does it really feel like thinking about facing the day and going through a repeated loop of anxiety that is also known as routine?
By Elena Ioakim7 years ago in Psyche
The Reality of Anxiety
Anxiety. Quivering legs, sweaty palms and the pounding pains that swirled around my head constantly, were enough to make my stomach flip. I always admired the way people talked about how they had butterflies, or even a whole zoo within their stomach. The sweet fluttering against a person’s tummy when shyness would over take them, or the tickles within that represented the nervousness they felt.
By Madi Writes7 years ago in Psyche
My Steps to Getting Sober!
Are you or someone you know trying to get sober? I'm going to give you the straight up truth on how that usually goes down or, well, how it went down for me. I'm laying it down in steps for ya to make it easy to understand. If you are not the one getting sober from alcohol or any type of drug, please take into account that it is very hard to let go of any and all addictions. We want to escape our pain, and this is generally how we do it, so please be patient with us and help any way you can. Also, sometimes, if you're in too deep, you need to seek out additional help, do not be ashamed of that! That is why there are rehab centers available to help, and they want to help you, so if you need to attend one please do so. Without further delay, here are the steps I went through while trying to get sober.
By Dagny Desiree7 years ago in Psyche
My Recovery, My Journey
We do recover. “Do you know where you are?” All I hear are sirens and this man screaming at me. “Where did these pills come from? Why won’t you tell me?” The paramedic keeps asking me these questions, and several other not so nice things. I’ve really done it this time. I really OD’d.
By Rachel Mullins7 years ago in Psyche
She's That Girl
She's that girl in the club with her friends. While they talk amongst themselves, she has a red solo cup in her hand filled with cranberry vodka. She sips on her drink, laughing with the others, scoping out the room. One by one, all five of her friends drift away towards the guys they have been making eye contact with all night. With one left standing in the group, the alcohol hits her mind, her body, her soul, and she walks towards the balcony, overlooking the New York City skyline. Everyone else goes back inside and now she's alone, while the music in the background fades and it's fairly quiet. Emotions start to fill her mind, while the intoxication starts processing. She thinks to herself, How did I get here?How did this drink bring me back to my thoughts and feelings of loneliness when all I wanted to do was numb them? She holds back the tears. How can one person feel so empty, or so lonely, in a room filled with people?
By Amanda Gabrielle7 years ago in Psyche
Feeling Older Than I Am
I'm not even 21 and I feel so much older. I find it crazy I can even feel this way. The only thing that would make any sense of why I feel this way is simply due to my mental state and trauma I've gone through. For months I've been trying to wrap my head around many things. My mind just keeps going around in circles. The only break I get is when I'm asleep. I used to take an anti-depressant, but I stopped a few years ago. Now I'm craving the happiness I once felt while I was taking them. There is a song by Troye Sivan called "Happy Little Pill," and that is solely what they were to me, happy little pills. I've been thinking about going back on them because the pain is getting too much to bear. When I stopped taking them, I was at a low point in my life. I stopped taking them because I began to feel depressed. In my mind, then it made sense for me to stop taking them. Only because I thought they weren't helping. Now I'm realizing that decision was an extremely big mistake. I learned taking them was the only thing that was preventing me from getting to the point I got to. My brain was trying its best to function. To deal with life with no help.
By Maya Angelique7 years ago in Psyche
