Latest Stories

Most recently published stories in Psyche.

My Fears
We always hear the fears of heights, spiders and darkness and that’s it. We never really hear the deep dark background of those fears. For example, the fear of heights is not just the distance between you and the ground. It is that lonely space that separates your body and the solid back-breaking cement that leaves you without a heartbeat. The cold wind that blows below your feet makes you feel your heart in your head - your stomach in your chest, feeling like there is no life inside you. This is what fear of heights feels like. It is not just acrophobia. Darkness, fear of darkness is just another fear that people throw around like its nothing but really, it’s about the secrets that lie within, the shivering feeling that someone is watching, that the darkness will overcome you. Your biggest worry might be the death feeling when the lights shut down leaving you all alone. Everything goes quiet, skittering, the leather soles hitting the floor, even your heartbeat—these are all sounds that freeze you in your steps. The deep dark secrets that are hidden in the figureless surroundings. Fear of spiders is probably the most heard of fear ever. Those creepy hairy legs that crawl suspiciously and dash rapidly around the deep dark corners of your house. The question that is held in your head and taunts you at night before you go to sleep, do they need eight eyes? What is the purpose and why?
By B B7 years ago in Psyche
How I Broke Myself
There are too many people in this world who know the feeling: the nonstop urge, a relentless craving of something to feel right; to feel whole. I know very well the suffering that accompanies a life of addiction. My whole life I have struggled with trying to fill an unexplained void at all desperation. It didn't start with Budweiser and 1800 Tequila, that much I can testify. It started with gasoline and cocaine as a matter of fact. Foil boils and a few broken televisions hidden in the woods behind my apartment complex was my home away from home. I was nothing more than an angry eleven year old looking for warmth. I grew up feeling alone and worthless as an effect of an emotionally unavailable mother with two jobs and an emotionally and physically abusive sister. In the home, there was always tension and dysfunction; outside the home, there was always tension and dysfunction. With my role models rolling up weed and chasing white lines in front of me, I never stood a chance. Such is the story of my addiction.
By samy costello7 years ago in Psyche
All the World Is Made Up of Faith and Trust and Pixie Dust
As many people know, this past summer was not the time for me. Actually thinking, about the past 20 years haven't been the time for me. And I couldn't figure out why I was stuck in this dark place. It really felt like I was walking up an escalator that was going down. It was a really confusing process because I would have days on top of the world and be fine and then have days where I just didn't wanna be around. I started off just sad but then that sadness grew and grew into something that was so much bigger than me. And I let it grow until I completely began to fall apart. Now, this was hard because I hated talking about my emotions and I just wanted to keep them locked away. I liked putting everyone before making sure they were happy no matter what I was feeling. I guess you could say I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. And all that weight finally hit me. And I just exploded like a volcano, a very, very big volcano. I was ready to leave this earth. I was tired of fighting. I was tired of trying, and I was tired of having to be okay when I wasn't. People always say it's okay not to be okay but in reality, that's not how the world works. The world does expect you to be okay and if you aren't okay then hide it. Sadness is a very unwelcoming feeling from the world and that's the truth.
By Sunny Franklin7 years ago in Psyche
Drunk Dream #1
I find myself scared too often for no reason. I feel tears forming up in my eyes too many times for absolutely no reason at all. Maybe I remember something from years ago or my chronic deja vu pours a cup for communion and nostalgia throws it right back in my face, like so many girls should have. I was never really the outgoing type, even when I drank. Always too nervous to spark up the flame of conversation and that’s probably why I hate small talk, because I was never really good at it.
By Jordan Holt7 years ago in Psyche
The Beginning of My Anxiety
I was lost and scared out of my mind. I had no idea what was going on at that time. All the worries I had deep within me just stood there in my head. They stood glued to my mind. My chest was in pain, a pain that is hard to describe, but if I had to I'd say it was as if my chest was being crushed by a thousand trees. That's when I started not to breathe properly. It was hard not to think about something else and get myself out of that horrible moment I was in.
By Bettsy Ramos7 years ago in Psyche
What Exactly Is Schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia is a word that you may have heard before, or perhaps you've heard the shortened version of it: Schizoid. You may know the basic or shortened definition of the disorder, such as: "Hearing voices, acting irrationally, and being paranoid." There may be some truth to this definition that loosely gets thrown around, but schizophrenia is a complex mental illness that can interfere with a person's ability to think clearly, manage their emotions, make personal decisions, and even relate to other people around them. It can occur at any age, however, the onset tends to begin in the late teens or early-20s for men and late-20s or early-30s for women. A person younger than 12 or older that 40 rarely get diagnosed with schizophrenia. So, let's take a deep dive into what this mental illness is.
By Max7 years ago in Psyche
My Manic Personality and Depression
I have been diagnosed as bipolar. My father was a paranoid schizophrenic and also bipolar, but so far I have had no schizo problems. I have had bipolar problems however, and when I was drinking, that was the worst time in the world for my disorder. The bipolar depression is also overwhelming, as you can read in the following stories of my bipolar existence.
By Denise Willis7 years ago in Psyche
Anxiety, Fear, Vulnerability: A Letter to Whom It May Concern
This is for whoever has happened upon my path and spoken with me, made eye-contact with me, been friendly with me, and so forth. If you’re willing, I would like to say a few things.
By synovelle w.7 years ago in Psyche
Go to Rehab or Nah?
The pain pulsing through the right side of my torso should have been enough incentive. But no, it wasn’t until the tear drops spilling on the linoleum floor of my kitchen in North Hollywood pooled enough to wet the back of my head that I realized I needed help. I had reached rock bottom. It was not my first and it would not be my last, but a bottom it was indeed. Emotionally, I was emaciated; crippled by loneliness with life threatening symptoms of untreated alcoholism. The thought of entering treatment scared my ego but motivated me enough to seek the help I desperately needed. For those financially able to even consider in-patient rehabilitation, we should consider ourselves lucky. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration in 2015 “About 6.7 percent of adults who had AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder) in the past year received treatment. This includes 7.4 percent of males and 5.4 percent of females with AUD in this age group.” (www.niaaa.nih.gov, 2017) With over 15 million suffering from the “chronic relapsing brain disease characterized by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences” we can acknowledge that a majority of us are still suffering; still dying. I was there, so this article goes out to the ones who are still suffering.
By Eric Hunter7 years ago in Psyche
My First Panic Attack
I was about 16 years old, in my sophomore year of high school. I woke up, got dressed in my school uniform, and prepared myself for the day ahead. I went through the first few classes with ease. My everyday routine. Repetition. Easy.
By Skyla B7 years ago in Psyche
Horror Asylum Story in Fort Lauderdale
April 19, 2018 marked the start of a nightmare dressed as the light of freedom from the prison of being at home locked in my room every day. As a person who suffers from a debilitating anxiety disorder, I was desperate to get help by going almost anywhere just so I can control my anxiety. As I was about to board the plane at the gate in Harlingen, Texas, I hugged my mom and cried. I remembered all the times I told her how, if it weren’t for my crippling anxiety, I’d run for the hills and go to a big city and live the life I so desperately want to live. This was my opportunity. I was flying to Fort Lauderdale, Florida to seek treatment for my OCD. I was so excited.
By Ivan Urteaga7 years ago in Psyche
I'm Not Okay and That's Okay
I'm not always okay. There are times that I think about death. There are times where I want to die. There are times that I hate my existence. I realize that this might not be what people close to me want to hear. They would love to hear that I am doing great and my mental health couldn't be better; it makes my sad that I can't tell them this is so. I want to tell anyone right now that things don't get better right away and when they do get better, you aren't automatically fixed.
By Kendall Earl7 years ago in Psyche