Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Anorexia
My struggle with loving myself as I am since I was in 11th grade. It started with my friends always making comments about how big my boobs were and then how big my bottom was. I've always been self conscious of how I looked. I've always been a C cup and had a big bottom and though my friends may have been saying it as a compliment, to me it just made me feels worse. It got worse when boys in high school started to make comments about my weight and mean girls in high school were even worse. It started with healthy weight loss at first; going to the gym, eating healthier and drinking more water. But I didn't see any results, so I started eating less, working out more and drinking mostly water. But when even that wasn't enough for me, I straight up started not eating, working out super hard and drinking only water. This went on for about 6 months. During that time, I met a guy who destroyed me mentally, he would comment how I ate a lot when I actually ate and compare my body to other women's bodies. My dad also made comments about how much I ate even though I'd go days without eating and when I did eat, it was only a bite or two of cereal, as I could never finish my bowl. I was literally bones, my ribs protruded through my skin, my face was very thin and my arms were tiny. The only kind of weight I had was my thighs. But I still didn't feel skinny enough. I still wanted to lose more weight. I wanted to be perfect, just like the women all over the internet and magazines. I felt like my body wasn't enough and that I was ugly. I got a gym membership and spent hours working out. After work, I'd go workout, with nothing but water in my system. My mental health was depleting the longer I kept destroying myself and my body. It wasn't until I met the love of my life that everything changed. I met him at work and while I was there I was still anorexic. He asked me a couple of times if I was hungry, and the look on his face every time I told him I wasn't hungry, and he gave me a look that made me feel something. We started officially dating and on our dates, I started eating, a little at a time. I couldn't eat a whole lot, but I ate enough. Now this wasn't some miraculous story about how he instantly changed my life and how I was No, this took time, a lot of time. It started out with little things, he would never comment on what I ate, he would always call me beautiful. Though I never felt beautiful, he helped me a little bit at a time by giving me hope that one day I may feel beautiful again. I had decided that I wanted to get better. I wanted to have a great future and to be healthy and happy with my body. But the first month we started dating, I was hit with a very bad kidney infection. I wasn't able to keep any food or water down. I was so thin, thinner than I had ever been. I got so upset because I felt like garbage and I was upset at how all of my progress disappeared. But I kept fighting, because I wanted to be healthy again, I needed to be healthy again. After another few months, I had finally started being healthy mentally and physically. It wasn't easy, I fought everyday not to go back to the person I was before. I fought everyday with the image that I was ugly and not worth anything. I wasn't over weight but I wasn't super thin any more. I finally was eating normal again and I was genuinely happy. And then we found out we were expecting a baby. My first two months of being pregnant, I developed hyperemesis gravidarum; extreme vomiting during pregnancy. I lost thirty pounds while pregnant and I was so upset with myself. I was upset that I couldn't keep down any food, that I couldn't leave the bedroom without throwing up. I was angry and upset with myself. And then the miscarriage happened. I remember the day like it was yesterday. May 23rd, 2020. I went into a deep state of depression. I didn't want to leave the bed, I ate my pain away, all I did was cry. I gained all of my weight back and 40 pounds extra. Then in August I went to my birthday party and took a photo and realized how much I left myself go. So this month, I decided to start losing weight in a healthy way. I started doing a little working out everyday, drinking more water and eating extremely healthy. I don't look at the scale, because I don't want to discourage myself and the progress that I've already made.
By Alexis Keegan 5 years ago in Psyche
Denial
Many of us are trauma survivors and don’t even know it. The traumatic experience occurred at such a young age, we have no conscious recollection of it. We weren't taught that even things we can't remember experiencing are stored in our bodies, running us like a computer program. We don’t know what our current pain is connected to, and the reason it feels so heavy is because we’ve been carrying it around for so long. We carry wounds from our childhood with us throughout the rest of our lives, until we heal them. In any instance, trauma causes changes in the wiring of the brain. Think of someone who has been abused by someone who is supposed to protect them. How would they learn what normal or rational behavior looks like?
By Qualamiya Collins5 years ago in Psyche
A Mountain of Hair
Pulling My Hair because of Trichotillomania As many of you know anxiety and depression shows it self in many ways. Some extreme forms are self harm or drug abuse. I have many forms of dealing with my anxiety and one of the more extreme forms is pulling my hair out.
By Chronic Confessions5 years ago in Psyche
Crippling Anxiety
I know we have touched upon the difference between anxiety and depression and the lovely grey area in-between but today is all about our friend anxiety. Today we are looking to my life living with unmanaged anxiety. Anxiety affects many people in many ways and for me it is ADHD tendencies. I become unfocused and unable to sit still. I become very fidgety and sensory dependent.
By Chronic Confessions5 years ago in Psyche
To Plea For Help
This is going to be a piece that will have many repetitious moments in the topic of mental health that addresses suicide prevention. I wanted to give an awareness of some problems that I have endured that have occurred to what happened to me in my mental health episodes.
By Samantha Parrish5 years ago in Psyche
Best Psychologist in Dubai - Vanessa Bokanowski
Best Psychologist in Dubai - Vanessa Bokanowski Specialized in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. I graduated as a clinical psychologist by Université Libre de Bruxelles in 2002. I have a Post Graduate Diploma in Clinical Psychotherapies (Université Libre de Bruxelles, 2004) and a four years post-graduate diploma (DES) in Psychoanalytical Psychotherapy (from Office Medico-Pédagogique, Switzerland). I’m licensed by the Dubai Health Authority. My services are provided in French and English.
By Vanessa Bokanowski5 years ago in Psyche
Trauma and the Self
Trauma and the Self Continuity is deeply important to the experience of being human. It is how we remember who our friends are, what threats exist, what dreams and goals keep us moving in a world filled with obstacles and pain. The mind’s ability to frame information is what makes a movie a movie and not a scrapbook of still images. Human perception of time may not be much different, but it’s hard to say. Continuity isn’t just for humans. Elephants, cats, even the planet is where it is today because of where it was in the aggregate of the moments before. A river flows through its bed, but it is not the same water that it was yesterday, or two minutes ago.
By Duointherain5 years ago in Psyche
Drink That Away
We drink away our pain sometimes because it feels good, better then what we were feeling before. We drink to forget, forget our failures, loses, constant reminders and things. We drink to live when we know longer feel like living , and sometimes we drink because we've already died inside. Either way we're drinking for the moment, and that's when becoming an alcoholic becomes a risk.
By UNpretentious5 years ago in Psyche
